Over a year later

[JCasey]

It has been over a year since I came out and I finally had a period of crying over the situation. I had been watching videos on YouTube and one struck me the wrong way. It brought to mind my deep emotional distress over having spent 36 years in the closet. Granted, I would likely have not been involved with someone until I was 18, but that is still 30 years of missed relationships. I occasionally view new coming out videos on YouTube and my eyes fill up with tears of joy for the young people who have a positive coming out experience. I watch YouTube couples live their young lives, frolicking and enjoying life the way I wish I had. I guess I will be limited to living vicariously through those videos, as my situations and relationship options present a less than promising future in meeting those goals in real life.

I live in rural Maine where there are few options within my age range, much less my preferences. I am old fashioned in that I believe in developing a friendship first and letting things develop from there. That is not the way relationships work nowadays, and it is not likely to happen over a long distance relationship. Due to my career aspirations, I cannot at this time be fully open in my sexuality, though most of my friends know. I cannot relocate out of the area because I need to support family members with needs.

I am planning on settling into a new position in the next year, then being open to whatever relationship opportunities come my way.

Thanks for reading my post and for any comments that may be made.

[Insertnamehere]

I think you need to sort out what comes first.

First, stop watching the vids and reliving it all again. It's a done deal, you're out now. Look to what comes next.

Second, make a dual planification to both seek out dating and fulfilling your responsibilities. Not easy I reckon, but try. If you hope to date someone you can't focus on what everyone else needs from you alone.

There, that is my opinion on the matter. Lawrd knows there must be better advice out there.

[MikeW]

....Thanks for reading my post and for any comments that may be made.

I....First, stop watching the vids and reliving it all again. It's a done deal, you're out now. Look to what comes next. ...Lawrd knows there must be better advice out there.

LOL... IDK about "better advice." [MENTION=22277]JCasey[/MENTION], I agree with [MENTION=23097]Insertnamehere[/MENTION] that dwelling on what others have that you didn't in the past and currently don't, is a sticky wicket. I think its ok to watch some of those videos, don't get me wrong, but if you find yourself 'torturing' yourself in some way about it -- coming to the conclusion in your mind that nothing can really change in your life -- that's doing yourself a disservice.

I think it might be a better use of your time... and advance you toward what you want... if you begin taking stock of your attributes and qualities. For example, you're obviously a responsible adult. You have those responsibilities and you take care of them. You're an adult. Mature. At least in a lot of important ways.

I find men who feel self assured, feel like they know who they are and what they're about, very attractive. I can't say that "looks" have nothing to do with it. Of course it does. But there's way more to it. Take it from someone old enough to be your father (technically speaking, LOL) being your age and even having little experience need not stand in your way. From everything you've said, it sounds like you have a working plan. You're working on it. That's Great! So.. as is being suggested... just continue to attend to that. Leave aside lamentations as much as possible and enjoy the life you have right now, so you can do so even more when the right time comes.

Oh and from one 'nowhere man' to another......

[JCasey]

LOL... IDK about "better advice." [MENTION=22277]JCasey[/MENTION], I agree with [MENTION=23097]Insertnamehere[/MENTION] that dwelling on what others have that you didn't in the past and currently don't, is a sticky wicket. I think its ok to watch some of those videos, don't get me wrong, but if you find yourself 'torturing' yourself in some way about it -- coming to the conclusion in your mind that nothing can really change in your life -- that's doing yourself a disservice.

I think it might be a better use of your time... and advance you toward what you want... if you begin taking stock of your attributes and qualities. For example, you're obviously a responsible adult. You have those responsibilities and you take care of them. You're an adult. Mature. At least in a lot of important ways.

I find men who feel self assured, feel like they know who they are and what they're about, very attractive. I can't say that "looks" have nothing to do with it. Of course it does. But there's way more to it. Take it from someone old enough to be your father (technically speaking, LOL) being your age and even having little experience need not stand in your way. From everything you've said, it sounds like you have a working plan. You're working on it. That's Great! So.. as is being suggested... just continue to attend to that. Leave aside lamentations as much as possible and enjoy the life you have right now, so you can do so even more when the right time comes.

Oh and from one 'nowhere man' to another......

I always appreciate your wisdom,Mike. Thank you.

[JCasey]

I don't think that Nowhere Man describes me as well as Dreamer by Supertramp.

[matty7]

I suppose we all wish we could turn back time and do things differently - the youth these days can simply come out on YouTube at any age but that wasn't your situation or mine for that matter - live for the now I suppose im trying to say - watching what you missed out on wont make you feel any better deep down - why not just make up for it now and live life the best you can instead of looking back

[deltalover4]

You know, those videos make me upset as well. Take Matt Dallas and Blue Hamilton, for example. They are married, adopted a son, very successful, and have the best videos. And it makes me wonder why I can't have that. But we all can have that in our own ways. Keep at it, and you'll find the person for you!