How to be ok with my "role"

[Emiliano]

It's not an assumption, it happens.

I am a bit reserved to give details to the bedroom part, though, but I know cases.

Also, you're considering the word "domination/submission" in extreme definitions, pejorative, I can pressume.

Notice that the OP used the word "vulnerability"

I'm sure it happens. I'd assume that a balanced relationship like that, that involve those kind of roles, would require communication about it. To avoid that feeling of vulnerability. You're right too, its also my perspective as someone who is not into it.

I respect the people who are, who also said that its all about being with the right person. I get that, absolutely. And those are the people that it would serve him better to listen to.

I contributed a personal concern about the concept in general. Nothing else but that. I think that anyone who loves it should live it.

[Cridders88]

I can see both of your points. [MENTION=23097]Insertnamehere[/MENTION]'s that being dominant or submissive in the bedroom does not naturally mean you are that way in other aspects of a relationship/your life, but also [MENTION=21558]Emiliano[/MENTION]'s point that it could happen, could bleed through in some cases, if allowed.

Me personally, despite most of the time feeling like being submissive in the bedroom, I would not want that to carry through in any other aspect of the relationship. The rest of it, for me, has to be neutral/equal. If I felt like I was being controlled in other aspects of the relationship I'd be very clear that I don't like that. There would be a communication on that part.

[MENTION=23330]Lycanking55[/MENTION], for me, I don't feel ashamed at all, it's just something I like, something that turns me on. We all have different things that get us going. It has no bearing on me as a person, it doesn't mean I want to be vulnerable in other aspects of life. There is nothing to be ashamed of

[trywait]

it's just boxes...like labels, gay/bi/straight etc...

top/bottom/dom/submissive

don't overthink it too much. each may be inclined to traits but it isn't finite.

im not naturally an alpha male or overtly dominant either. but im not totally a doormat or submissive either. it just depends on the mood, circumstances, and what the other person is all about. some days I just want to be coddled and have everything done for me. other days, im inclined to take the proverbial "lead." so just take it day by day...

[TwisttheLeaf]

Hey man, welcome to GaySpeak.
[MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION] and I are in an actively Dominant/submissive relationship. And there are plenty of men out there into it, and that actually find that dynamic essential to their sex lives.

For Gid and I, we tailored things to how WE needed them to be. I'm submissive to Gideon, but ONLY to Gideon. I have no interest in sharing that submission (whether platonic or sexual) with anyone else. I conduct myself with everyone BUT Gid, as the naturally neutral/dominant personality I am. With Gid, I'm submissive, and love it. And he loves it with me.

There is absolutely no reason that because you enjoy being submissive in the bedroom, that you have to be outside the bedroom.
There is absolutely no reason that because you enjoy being submissive with your partner, that you have to be with anyone else.

And there are definitely those out there ready to step into those shoes.

[Borg69]

Gender roles programming starts at birth. You're a man. Be strong! Don't give in. Don't show emotions. Be a provider. Fight. Win. Be aggressive. Dominate!

What you're feeling is just an actual human emotion, and there's nothing wrong with needing to be a little vulnerable.

It doesn't make you weak, or a woman, or lesser than your peers. It does make you a better person and a better lover. Enjoy it.

[Lycanking55]

Thanks for all the viewpoints and information. I did read it all, sorry I didn't respond prior. Keeping up with reading it still made me feel like I was in the conversation.

I'm not sure what specifically did it (probably just discussing it got me out of my head a bit) but I do feel a little bit more at ease with everything. Its still going to be difficult for me to get to a point I allow myself to get physical with someone but I don't feel quite as bad about the prospect of what I might like. More of whats left, I think, is just the anxiety surrounding it that I'm always going to be dealing with.

As to some of what was said pertaining to outside the bedroom vs in, I don't feel like I would let it bleed over into daily life. Part of what I meant by "years of figuring out it doesn't have to define me" etc, was me coming to terms with that issue. Outside of sex/sexuality, I'm mostly a comfortable/confident person (as far as what I would consider is normal.) This submissive issue is purely a sex thing, not general life or even relationship. I have no interest in being abused physically or being a doormat emotionally. To the point of whether or not its more vanilla or all out kink level I couldn't tell you but I'm not really as concerned about that, if I can get over this in general, I know that part will come with time (and safe) experimenting and will definitely be starting with vanilla.

I'm still working through it but talking has been a big help so thank you all again for taking the time to chat

[jmccoll15]

Far be it for me to offer advice, with my very limited experience, but I love to bottom and in fact would only top in very limited circumstances. I spent most of my adult life as a heterosexual "top" so to speak, but when I entertain my gay muse, I wouldn't even consider topping. Still, I don't see myself as submissive. I just like the idea of a penis in my ass. In fact, I am usually the aggressor in my fantasies, although I am always the bottom. I guess that is different than being a submissive bottom?

[kindy64]

Far be it for me to offer advice, with my very limited experience, but I love to bottom and in fact would only top in very limited circumstances. I spent most of my adult life as a heterosexual "top" so to speak, but when I entertain my gay muse, I wouldn't even consider topping. Still, I don't see myself as submissive. I just like the idea of a penis in my ass. In fact, I am usually the aggressor in my fantasies, although I am always the bottom. I guess that is different than being a submissive bottom?

Lookup "power bottom"

Having my fiance physically dominate me in the bedroom was hot, and thrilling. He's not physically bigger than me, he was just being aggressive in what he wanted to do.

[Darius]

Lycan, you are getting ahead of yourself. You are defining your sexual self before you ever had sex. You have no idea what you will like until you actually become sexual. You can know what appeals to you and what you think you feel good, but ultimately you won't know for sure until you get there.
Guys watch porn and imagine they will like something because it makes them hard. I might like to watch a 10 inch cock pounding a guy's ass, but in reality, ain't no way that shit is something I want.

Another thing is that what appeals to you sexually in a relationship might be different when the person you have sex with is someone you actually love and not just a casual hookup.