Am I really gay?

[questioning9]

White guys are definitely into Asians. I'm a white American male who is about to be gay married to a man I've known and loved for 17 years. He's from the Philippines.

I meant, Asian Americans, not Asian-Asians.

[kindy64]

So what are the choices...
gay
really gay
really really gay

[seeking]

Reading some of your posts I think you better do some more research on the gay community, and maybe try to look at some guys and ask yourself, are you aroused by him, can you vision yourself being with him romantically? You should soon find out the answer.

For the concerns "Are white men into Asians" I'd suggest stop thinking about this kind of things. Of course there will always be preference differences for everyone but having this kind of thoughts in mind is more like a hindrance for you.. Most of the boundaries are just in your mind rather than really there.

[Anonymous]

I am hearing two different problems here. One is your sexuality, and the other is your struggle to immediately resolve your sexuality through a monogamous relationship. You are very unlikely to find someone who is willing to be in an exclusive relationship with someone who is questioning. If you do, I would be suspect of their motives.

Here is my suggestion.... establish friendships (with no expectations beyond friendship) with a variety of people. Go to events and activities and become friends with as many people as you can. As these friendships develop, you will be able to assess which relationships stir romantic feelings for you. If the goal is a monogamous relationship, romance will be an important aspect, not just lust.

You may be bi-sexual but not bi-romantic, meaning you are sexually aroused by both sexes, but only attracted to one, or bi-romantic, but only uni-sexual. Then again, you may be bi-sexual and bi-romantic, giving you the opportunity to develop a monogamous relationship with any one of a huge number of people throughout the world.

If this approach works, you will be much more likely to find a close long-term relationship with someone, if not, you will end up with lots of good friends. I believe that all relationships should begin with friendship, allowed to grow and be nurtured over time.

[questioning9]

I am hearing two different problems here. One is your sexuality, and the other is your struggle to immediately resolve your sexuality through a monogamous relationship. You are very unlikely to find someone who is willing to be in an exclusive relationship with someone who is questioning. If you do, I would be suspect of their motives.

Here is my suggestion.... establish friendships (with no expectations beyond friendship) with a variety of people. Go to events and activities and become friends with as many people as you can. As these friendships develop, you will be able to assess which relationships stir romantic feelings for you. If the goal is a monogamous relationship, romance will be an important aspect, not just lust.

You may be bi-sexual but not bi-romantic, meaning you are sexually aroused by both sexes, but only attracted to one, or bi-romantic, but only uni-sexual. Then again, you may be bi-sexual and bi-romantic, giving you the opportunity to develop a monogamous relationship with any one of a huge number of people throughout the world.

If this approach works, you will be much more likely to find a close long-term relationship with someone, if not, you will end up with lots of good friends. I believe that all relationships should begin with friendship, allowed to grow and be nurtured over time.

Get this straight. If those events involve drinking and smoking and all that stuff, I am not intersted. I don't want to get drunk and have sex with a guy that I will not be interested in. Plus, i have tos ay, I am only interested in seeing naked pictures of men and not interested in establishing relationships with them. I don't know what I am. a voyeur, maybe? anyway, most male celebrities interest me. In real life, every guy seems so dull and uninteresting regardless of race. you don't get turned on, aroused, or even attracted to anyone regardless of race. Females, at times, yes. But I don't see myself being with a female because they are so naggy and so critical. Then again, they have women's intuition which is something I don't even have myself. I am not very intuitive, by the way, but this has nothing to do with this conversation.

[questioning9]

Do a little research. I did. and boy! did I find out a lot.
Do a Google search -SEXUAL ORIENTATION BRAIN= and you will be surprised what research is showing.

trust me, even instructors I ahve met said that there is no such thing as a gay gene. There really isn't. so I guess sexuality is fluid, since stories of lesbians divorcing their fellow lesbians and then marrying a man or a male who just marries a woman ends up divorcing her and then goes off with another man is not unheard of.

[Cuddly]

Get this straight. If those events involve drinking and smoking and all that stuff, I am not intersted. I don't want to get drunk and have sex with a guy that I will not be interested in. Plus, i have tos ay, I am only interested in seeing naked pictures of men and not interested in establishing relationships with them. I don't know what I am. a voyeur, maybe? anyway, most male celebrities interest me. In real life, every guy seems so dull and uninteresting regardless of race. you don't get turned on, aroused, or even attracted to anyone regardless of race. Females, at times, yes. But I don't see myself being with a female because they are so naggy and so critical. Then again, they have women's intuition which is something I don't even have myself. I am not very intuitive, by the way, but this has nothing to do with this conversation.

Maybe you're asexual?
I don't know. Just go out and enjoy yourself. Experiment, get some experience. You don't get to choose your sexuality, in regards to gender or fetishes, so just get on with it and find out what you truely enjoy. Be it men, women or noone.

[JCasey]

In today's society, I believe in just dropping the labels, not worrying about your sexuality, and just living your life. If you meet someone to whom you are attracted, approach them in a friendly way and see where it goes.

I am so glad that things have changed so much since 1978.

[questioning9]

Maybe you're asexual?
I don't know. Just go out and enjoy yourself. Experiment, get some experience. You don't get to choose your sexuality, in regards to gender or fetishes, so just get on with it and find out what you truely enjoy. Be it men, women or noone.

I don't mind going out and meeting men, but they must not check me out and treat me like such an object. If they will then I'm through.
I don't have a fetish, and I will never have one. Plus, I would have told the entire world about it if I had one.

I guess I am asexual. I find women in public to not be attractive or do not even have the slightest sex appeal. I just don't look at her in a way where I am undressing her or wanting sex from her. I never do. I just don't. some men do, but I don't.

As for a guy, it's the same. I don't see myself undressing him in my thoughts or seeing them appeal much to me. When I was a teen, I had thought about touching them on the shoulder or something or maybe sneaking a few glances at them from time to time but that was it. I never wanted to have sex with them. Although I have to admit that this guy who happened to be born around the same time as I was--same star sign, not sure if you believe in astrology--was actually giving me an erection. I liked him. He always greeted me in such a feminine voice. When he told me that he didn't go to prom with a girl and went alone, i thought he was gay. I looked at him all weird and I said to myself that he must be gay. I mean, I didn't go to prom because I had no date, but for him to not go when he could have had one, i am sure he was. Gosh, I have even thought about having my way with him but if I ever have to initiate sex with another guy, I am afraid that I won't be able to get through foreplay.

I mean, sex usually comes in this order:
1) foreplay mode...kissing, undressing....
2) oral, anal, you name it.
3) ejaculation.

or maybe i am just getting this from gay porn. i dont know. I don't know what sex is actually like. apparently too many gay films and gay porn...that's not the reality, is it? If not, then share with me your experiences then.

by experiment, i am not going to experiment with multiple men. at least that's how those orgies are in porn.

[questioning9]

Reading some of your posts I think you better do some more research on the gay community, and maybe try to look at some guys and ask yourself, are you aroused by him, can you vision yourself being with him romantically? You should soon find out the answer.

For the concerns "Are white men into Asians" I'd suggest stop thinking about this kind of things. Of course there will always be preference differences for everyone but having this kind of thoughts in mind is more like a hindrance for you.. Most of the boundaries are just in your mind rather than really there.

If it's going to be based on discrimination and racism, then I definitely need to be prepared and only go for asian men. i dont want to keep looking in a direction that takes me nowhere. it's a waste of time and i am impatient.

I just want to have the perfect relationship with the perfect guy. i hate fights. i hate conflicts. if you start one with me, get out of my life or else i am running away from you forever.