drobs Wrote:Did he know that you are / were gay?
The whole thing is creepy. Instead of doing the chester the molester (using hobbies to attract younger straight men) thing - you really ought to look into some dating apps - Grindr, Adam4Adam, Scruff, Jackd, recon, gay.com.
You would be surprised there are younger gay guys out there looking for older - more mature guys. Sure lots of them are looking for a sugar daddy but it seems you wouldn't mind that.
I don't get what these young men could possibly see in someone who is twice their age or even 10 years older than they are. I personally would not even want to date them at all. I want someone who is like my cohort. not someone who is so old or too young to be my kid. It's like there is no difference between a ten year old and a 30 year old.
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questioning9 Wrote:I don't get what these young men could possibly see in someone who is twice their age or even 10 years older than they are. I personally would not even want to date them at all. I want someone who is like my cohort. not someone who is so old or too young to be my kid. It's like there is no difference between a ten year old and a 30 year old.
I agree I won't date someone I can't have a conversation with.
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Funny, my 20 year old fiancé and I always have plenty to talk about. We have similar interests. There are a lot of things we do, and want to do in the future.
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I can't tell if you friend is straight, bi, gay or even curious. But what is for sure is that you two had a serious bromance going on, at the least. Personally, I think he felt the same way about you that you felt about him. The issue is that he may have enjoyed himself during your intimate encounter together, and it scared him. I've have several instances where I regretted things after they happened.
I really hope things work out for you. Keep us informed.
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I'll be frank. Where I come from, if someone is too drunk to have proper control over their actions or bodily functions, then they're too drunk to consent to sex. Two wrongs do not make a right.
I'm glad that you're beating yourself up about it, since you've only got yourself to blame. We've seen a lot of members share their experiences of being on the other side of this, and the feeling of anxiety, powerless and fear they've gone through as a result of someone attempting to coerce them or forcing them one way or another into things they were not ready for, comfortable with or capable of without harm.
He'd made the boundaries clear in the past. That constitutes an established relationship and context for what I'm going to say below.
Heed his request: do not contact him again. If he ever, ever contacts you again, pray to whatever deity that you believe in that he's willing to forgive you.
I'm going to quote Wikipedia, so let's see if you can see where I'm coming from with my concerns: "Lack of consent is key to the definition of rape. Consent is not always expressed verbally. It may be implied from the context and from the relationship of the parties, but the absence of objection does not of itself constitute consent. Lack of consent may result from either forcible compulsion by the perpetrator or an incapacity to consent on the part of the victim (such as persons who are asleep, intoxicated or otherwise mentally compromised)"
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Feathers Wrote:I'm going to quote Wikipedia, so let's see if you can see where I'm coming from with my concerns: "Lack of consent is key to the definition of rape. Consent is not always expressed verbally. It may be implied from the context and from the relationship of the parties, but the absence of objection does not of itself constitute consent. Lack of consent may result from either forcible compulsion by the perpetrator or an incapacity to consent on the part of the victim (such as persons who are asleep, intoxicated or otherwise mentally compromised)"
Exactly, there have been times when my boyfriend, now fiance has been heavily intoxicated. While it was tempting to just go ahead with whatever I wanted, it's not what I want our relationship to be based on.
I don't have any regrets from not having sex with him when he's in this state.
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Thanks again for all the replies and advice. Just thought I'd give you all an update.
I have not texted or called him, and have not heard from him. I do hope everyday that maybe he will contact me though. Not necessarily to "make-up", but just so I can apologize and find out his feelings.
I'd probably still be very depressed, but a remarkable and amazing thing happened. (I'm sort of an atheist, but have to admit that God works in mysterious ways). Quite unexpectedly, and almost by accident, I met already someone else who I find just as remarkable as my other young friend. We have become great friends in a short time. Seriously, this is like lighting striking twice in the same spot. Now, I realize that I appreciate and crave the friendship (and love?) more than sex. I said in an earlier post (I think) that I hope that I learned my lesson.
Well, perhaps I really did learn my lesson. Yesterday, I got back from a short vacation with my new friend. Due to unforeseen circumstances, we actually had to share the same bed one night. We had a genuine heartfelt goodnight hug before bed, and another in the morning. Other than that, I kept my hands to myself and feel good about it. I have to admit that he is really hot and I'd like to make it physical, but I don't ever want to have that terrible feeling again. I feel like I've been given a second once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I am truly grateful.
Thanks again everyone, and good luck to you all in your lives and loves.
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dude, what the fuck? you don't do that to your best friend; you respect each other's spaces ..
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Hi everyone (Original Poster here). It's been almost 3 months since the incident I described. I did as he asked, and did not text him for a good while. Then, a week ago, I sent a nice text saying I missed him and wishing him well. He finally replied yesterday (after a week). He agreed to come over and talk. We talked about what happened and how we both felt.
He said he was never really mad at me, just more or less ashamed of himself. Said he likes girls, not guys, and can't believe he did something like that. He realizes it was a mutual consenting decision he made. Gave me a hug and said we will always be friends, but it will just take him some more time before he gets comfortable enough to hang out and do things together like we used to. I told him that I love him very much, and I'll always be here to help him out or talk. He seemed to appreciate that. Said he was doing great in school, which I was glad to hear.
Anyhow, thanks for all the support, criticisms, and comments.
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BeCool Wrote:Hi everyone (Original Poster here). It's been almost 3 months since the incident I described. I did as he asked, and did not text him for a good while. Then, a week ago, I sent a nice text saying I missed him and wishing him well. He finally replied yesterday (after a week). He agreed to come over and talk. We talked about what happened and how we both felt.
He said he was never really mad at me, just more or less ashamed of himself. Said he likes girls, not guys, and can't believe he did something like that. He realizes it was a mutual consenting decision he made. Gave me a hug and said we will always be friends, but it will just take him some more time before he gets comfortable enough to hang out and do things together like we used to. I told him that I love him very much, and I'll always be here to help him out or talk. He seemed to appreciate that. Said he was doing great in school, which I was glad to hear.
Anyhow, thanks for all the support, criticisms, and comments.
So glad to hear this!!! Wish you the best going forward!
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