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InbetweenDreams · 06-14-2016, 12:14 AM

I don't know if I'm "doing it wrong" or if there's just a lot of flakes. There's really little option on other avenues of trying to find and meet people. So... I use Grindr, Hornet, Jack'd, Tinder, POF and now trying Planet Romeo which is turning out to be a pile of shite.

Being in a pretty rural area with a low gay population I often get guys who live way too far away to do anything with, seeing that I can't seem to find anyone who I can tolerate, or can tolerate me. No, no gay bars anywhere near here and I don't think that's the kind of scene I want to be in anyway.

Anyone else live in the middle of nowhere? Any ideas on how to overcome this besides telling me I should move? I kind of like being in a rural setting, seems to be a tad less crazy around here but trying to find a date seems to be difficult. I say date, I would be happy to find someone to go jog with or whatever.

That's the other thing. I guess if I had an Xbox wouldn't be too hard to find someone to do that crap with but try to find someone who doesn't sit on their ass is like waiting around for the 2nd coming of Jesus...or seems like it anyway.

06-14-2016, 12:27 AM

Dating apps are pretty rough, especially when you're not living in a major city. A high percentage of people are there just to flirt, solicit pictures, etc. Even in a city with a big gay population there are a high percentage of people who flake out or disappear, it's just a numbers game.

This may sound counter-intuitive but have you tried more general forms of social media. I live in New York new but I grew up and went to college in very small towns. I found that it was easier to really connect with other gay people on platforms like Twitter. It's easier to get a sense of people's actual personality and intelligence rather than just the physical stats and preferences they share on the apps. I found friends and dates that way and it translated into good social capital when I later moved to a more populated area.

Borg69 · 06-14-2016, 12:28 AM

Most all the app sites you listed are hook up apps. Generally for one purpose. You seem like a nice guy looking for more out of life than a one night stand. You can't turn a whore into a housewife - so to speak - for the most part.

Basically, you're looking for love in all the wrong places.

InbetweenDreams · 06-14-2016, 12:34 AM

Yeah I know, I don't know what else to really try? I've tried FB groups but everyone hitting me up was on the west coast... It is very unlikely that I'm going to meet someone at the park or the grocery store or whatever. Hate that I'm 29, almost 30 and don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

Radbot42 · 06-14-2016, 02:14 AM

OKCupid? (this message is too short)

InbetweenDreams · 06-14-2016, 02:22 AM

[MENTION=19889]Radbot42[/MENTION] I think I've checked that one out once too. I think the thing that ticks me off about a lot of the apps are the limitations and ads they put on them and when they don't have a lot of guys on there and very few have anything nearby, say an hour's drive away.

LJay · 06-14-2016, 02:30 AM

You can keep on with the sites, but you are probably not going to get much result, living where you do. You may be on to something when you say that you want someone to hang out with, jog, etc. Any biking or photography groups around? Computer clubs? Any Meetup.com groups around? Pickup basketball? Book clubs?

The point is that any given group of people is bound to have one or two who are there because they are looking for company--physical or otherwise. I used to sing and met a lot of folks in choirs. Maybe there is a crowd that meets for dinner or hangs out at a local bar on a given night?

Having some "structured" activity gives you a chance to get to know people and may work better than pics on the web, though why anyone wold not go for yours is beyond me. Meeting in a group also gives you a good way to disentangle if you wish.

Insertnamehere · 06-14-2016, 04:07 AM

I would speak against descending in a virtual state of dispair Axle. Sometimes trying too hard is counterproductive.

I don't think you are doing anything particularly wrong, you seem, as far as I've noticed a fairly decent guy.

But it so happens that some of us weirdos out there have a hard time with what it seems is a "standard" within the population. I'm not calling you a weirdo, I'm just saying that for me that's the case, it's really hard to relate to other folks cause despite being different, they do follow certain social patterns that I don't follow.

Maybe someting similar happens to you with guys in your area.

But, that aside, I would add to an earlier suggestion: use your activities as a way to meeting people. Friends or something else. Biking, trekking, hiking with a group can be a way to meet people.

MikeW · 06-14-2016, 04:19 AM

IDK. For sure being in a gay-saturated environment HELPS but even then that's no guarantee of anything. For one thing, then there's more *competition*. I'm literally SURROUNDED by young gay men (not that that does ME any good, being old enough to be their grandfather). So, if you insist on remaining in a more rural area, then it more or less boils down to dumb luck. Chances are very high IMO that there is someone near you who is in a similar situation to yourself. Looking for something more than a hookup. BUT... whether or not you'd be sexually and personally compatible? OMFG what are the odds?! Right up there with getting struck by lightening or hit by a meteor or something.

But what choice do you have? You hang out your shingle and keep your eyes open everywhere you go. And for god's sake, DON'T BE SHY! If you see someone you find attractive make sure they KNOW it. A wink and a nod would do.

InbetweenDreams · 06-14-2016, 03:45 PM

The odds are never in one's favor. There's what 3-5% of gay people on average? How many are tops or bottoms, not willing to hook up and so on. I dated a guy for a couple months who was about 75 miles away, wanted to progress very quickly, very self centered, very extroverted and wanted to be treated like royalty. Terrible experience. Just goes to show how important it is to match the personality types.

Not that Meyer-Briggs is the defining factor in personality, he was an ESFP and I'm an INFJ...talk about a very unfavorable match. Among other things.

But yeah the hookup apps aren't the best thing to go by, there are other people who are in the same boat, but like you say the odds of them being a potential match are not good. I'm not worried about competition so much, not around here anyway. It does seem that it can and does happen around here, but perhaps I need to be more patient.