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LJay · 06-14-2016, 08:23 PM

Oh gosh, another INFJ. Seems there is a decent sized batch of us on this board. Welcome to the club [MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION].

InbetweenDreams · 06-14-2016, 08:28 PM

LJay Wrote:Oh gosh, another INFJ. Seems there is a decent sized batch of us on this board. Welcome to the club [MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION].

Somewhere I read that INFJ was supposed to be the most rare personality type...or 1% of the population but yeah I have come across more than my share of INFJ's since I have been paying any attention lol

Borg69 · 06-15-2016, 07:59 PM

axle2152 Wrote:Yeah I know, I don't know what else to really try? I've tried FB groups but everyone hitting me up was on the west coast... It is very unlikely that I'm going to meet someone at the park or the grocery store or whatever. Hate that I'm 29, almost 30 and don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

MikeW Wrote:IDK. For sure being in a gay-saturated environment HELPS but even then that's no guarantee of anything. For one thing, then there's more *competition*. I'm literally SURROUNDED by young gay men (not that that does ME any good, being old enough to be their grandfather). So, if you insist on remaining in a more rural area, then it more or less boils down to dumb luck. Chances are very high IMO that there is someone near you who is in a similar situation to yourself. Looking for something more than a hookup. BUT... whether or not you'd be sexually and personally compatible? OMFG what are the odds?! Right up there with getting struck by lightening or hit by a meteor or something.

But what choice do you have? You hang out your shingle and keep your eyes open everywhere you go. And for god's sake, DON'T BE SHY! If you see someone you find attractive make sure they KNOW it. A wink and a nod would do.

I agree with Mike... it's all odds and numbers and as long as you insist on staying in a small town, your chances diminish drastically. And that's even IF you lower your standards to rock bottom. What do you have against moving? Just how small is your town?

InbetweenDreams · 06-15-2016, 08:30 PM

Borg69 Wrote:I agree with Mike... it's all odds and numbers and as long as you insist on staying in a small town, your chances diminish drastically. And that's even IF you lower your standards to rock bottom. What do you have against moving? Just how small is your town?

The county I live in has 10,000 people in it. The neighboring counties have more but nothing drastic.

The only things that are keeping me from moving are:

1. Money, need to pay off debt and save money -- hard to do both at the same time.
2. Job -- I have a good job and if I were to move I would need to stay in the state and stay in the state system I'm in.
3. Family -- Without getting into a long discussion my mother is in bad health, has been for a long time. My folks are kind of, well, dumb when it comes to taking care of themselves...I guess I'm likely going to end up taking care of them since no one else is will and unfortunately not my choice but probably the right thing to do.

I have no intention of lowering my standards. At the same time I also realize that I'm not exactly what a lot of guys are looking for either. I mean when you think of a 29 year old who lives with family you tend to think loser bum...although I read that is becoming more of a norm and other cultures a lot of folks don't move out until they're well into their 30's.

But otherwise I don't have problems with moving. I don't think I could deal with inner city life, I can deal with suburbs and say medium sized cities. I would hate it having to deal with daily traffic jams and such.

Borg69 · 06-15-2016, 09:06 PM

[MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION] So, take those 10,000 people. Say .05% of them are gay. That leaves you 500. Estimate half (?) are lesbian. So you're down to 250. Maybe some are top only, or bottom only. Maybe they're only into hand jobs or oral. Maybe some are into fetishes you could never find yourself participating in. Then there's the percentages whom aren't attracted to you for age, height, weight, glasses, personality, income, ...

Argh. I'm not good at math... try here:

https://www.google.com/search?num=20&q=m...Uoqf7kx2c0

InbetweenDreams · 06-15-2016, 09:33 PM

There's probably around 50,000 people who are near me. I think the national average is 3%? I'm willing to bet it is half that around here, but I could be wrong. But that leave a pool of 750 people. That leave's 375 men. I'd say at least 60% are partnered and another 60% who I would deem older or younger than my preference, so that's about 60 people...then split that up from there...

So there's a good chance the right guy isn't simply here. The problem is that guys normally, or anyone for that matter deal with long distance. So you pretty much have to just pick a city and go there.

If I were to move I would either move to the coast or Asheville. Need to stay in this...hateful...state.

06-16-2016, 07:11 AM

I'd move (sorry). Not all cities have that 'inner city' feel. Dallas doesn't seem to have that kind of area. Traffic can suck but it's not usually a reason to stay away from a place you want to live (CA, maybe...).

Other than that, just be patient, keep your mind open and your standards where they are. I didn't meet The One until 31. It can be as much luck as anything, unfortunately.

Flakey people are everywhere though. It's not a gay phenomenon.

ceez · 06-16-2016, 08:08 AM

Hang in there axle, I would do what the others have said, be patient and don't try to hard. My uncle was on a couple dating sites for 3-4 years and started a long distance relationship with a woman in a nearby state. They weren't expecting anything to happen and now a year and some change later they're married. And you're definitely not the only one staying home to take care of family, I'm still at home taking care of my grandmother and aunt who also does nothing to take care of their bodys. I'm hoping for a huge break for being so patient Smile

InbetweenDreams · 06-16-2016, 01:01 PM

JackBoneTX Wrote:I'd move (sorry). Not all cities have that 'inner city' feel. Dallas doesn't seem to have that kind of area. Traffic can suck but it's not usually a reason to stay away from a place you want to live (CA, maybe...).

Other than that, just be patient, keep your mind open and your standards where they are. I didn't meet The One until 31. It can be as much luck as anything, unfortunately.

Flakey people are everywhere though. It's not a gay phenomenon.

That's true. Well to be honest I have made the mistake of thinking maybe I should try to date a girl...but one problem. 75% who show up on dating apps are divorced and have kids. Not that I don't want kids, kind of undecided on that, but seems that I would get tangled up in a mess. From the little experience I have had with women, they're just like guys. I've even had the random, unexpected, nude picture pop up in my inbox. I mean it went from elevator conversation to look at my boobs real quick!

However, I have been given the advice to move many of times and I have certainly considered it. Now that I have my foot in the door with the job I have I can more easily go anywhere in the state. Just need to keep my confidence up when I go looking at other places. The experience with the software and database systems I have are much more specialized, so it is much more likely I will be a person of interest in a hiring process. The career stuff is pretty much key, next is getting out of all the debt I have put myself in. Mostly my car...but following the car was credit card debt.

So I face the decision of either trading the car in when it (hopefully) has a trade in value equal to what I owe and buy a cheaper, more economic car, like I don't know like a Prius -- what I had before I got the Challenger R/T. That would make payments half of what they are now and also reduce gas costs. Or I can also take the refinance route as well. Either way I'll have to wait on that. Long story short I bought too much car and bought too much crap on credit.

LJay · 06-16-2016, 07:47 PM

UH, [MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION], I got problems with this, friend:

" I mean when you think of a 29 year old who lives with family you tend to think loser bum...although I read that is becoming more of a norm and other cultures a lot of folks don't move out until they're well into their 30's."

Give somebody ten minutes to get to know you and they would surely agree with me that you are a LONG way from being a bum. You seem to me to be a guy who cares about his family and has enough roots in this hometown that it all matters to him. Those are not characteristics of a bum, not by a long shot.

You need to help you parents face their own responsibility for their long term care. Do you have any siblings? You are right about the debt and the saving. Getting out of debt should be primary, though setting up a small and regular savings deduction from your pay is reasonable. Make it a 90-10 or 80-20 ratio and get after that debt. If you want to move--and living where you do I can see why you would not--there ar larger cities in your state to pick from. In the meantime, keep on being a good guy. That is a big attribute these days.