I am frustrated with me and my boyfriend´s sex. And it´s making me feel bad

[Jospy]

I´m 32. I´ve been around the block, and more than once.
I finely met someone, where the interest was mutual and timing was on point for once.

He was half a virgin when i met him. (Mean Girls quote i know, but never the less the truth) . We have had a good start, similar interest, lots of fun together, romantic times, same views and all that. He is 25 and i am 32. I´m doing a BA and he starts his in fall. supportive families and all that. very ordinary I would say. We have been going out for 3 months and dated for 2 before that.

It´s all very new to him + he is shy IT tech. guy. We got tested and started doing it without a condom. He sees that as being very intimate, along with kissing, and I totally get that. It is for me it too.

But here is the problem. He only wants to fuck. We are both vers. as it turns out, which makes that part very easy. But that is all he wants to do. He fucks me (usually) or the other way around, sometimes. But that´s it. he doesn't wanna blow me as he is not turned on by it "sees it as work", and it doesn't turn him on when i blow him. its the same with ass eating, nipple play, jockstraps, toys, public play, harness, porn, cum eating (of course) anything i can put my mind to! I´m not a big fetish person to begin with. Vanilla would be just fine, but this vanilla light, low carb, no fat, no gluten, dairy free sex, is getting frustrating. So I am just just trying to explore every options. Find something that he might find fun, and turn him on. other than kissing and fucking in missionary, or doggy, but only doggy when he fucks me... I feel so demanding, and sad. because I really like the guy, and I want it to be us for a long time. I don´t want to pressure him, if he is not into it he is not into it, just like there are things out there, that does not catch my interest. I got a little prissy about it once, because I was frustrated. We had already agreed to talk about everything if there was ever something on our minds, get it out and see what could be done. I told him that it was bothering me, and then the tears came, and he was saying how he knew it was gonna happen, and now I was gonna break up with him and all that. Which really is not the case. I have no interest in others, which is new to me too. I found something worth holding on to. So i´m gonna give it my best shot. That is why i created this profile, to get some advice, to vent, maybe anyone has had similar experience?

Btw. It´s not that we have bad sex, its actually quite great, sex drive is also quite similar. but.... come on.... do something else, anything.

[VirgoMasquerade]

You got a young thing with a high scex drive and he wore (lol whored) you out. Sounds like you should limit how much sex you have for a while till yall really are hungry for it

[princealbertofb]

So what is it you'd actually want to try out? Kinky sex? Apparel? Bondage? Is it just that the sex is getting too repetitive? Would he feel comfortable doing sex in another setting than home? Would you be interested in doing it in different places? It seems to me that to put the point across to him you might need to come up with the actual words. For the moment, I'm not sure I understand what you want from him, apart from some oral sex which he doesn't seem to be into. Maybe that will come with time. Maybe you are trying to get it all at once and this will only happen once he gets more atuned to his own sexuality and needs. It might be that he'll always be satisfied with just the 'basics'. Is it just that you'd like him to be more slutty? There may be more than one hangup to get over, since you say he's a shy (presumably quite reserved) sort of man. He's still young and he's still learning. Maybe you have to work on the horny-ness issues.
Oh, and by the way, maybe you really need to tell him how much you'd like this to be 'you' for a long time because you get on so nicely. I think if he thinks you're ready to give him up so soon, he may still have confidence and self-esteem issues. He just needs encouraging a little bit more.

[Jospy]

Well. We just talked about it. He is just not that into giving head, or receiving, its not that he hates it, its just. of no real interest, and he thought once again that it was the end of the world, and now i feel like the worlds biggest turd for bringing it up again.

Like I said (and told him). The sex we do have is great, it is just that it´s getting repetitive. When we sext,and we are in bed, all he wants is, fucking and kissing. Its not that I want him to be all slutty and kinky, it can be pretty basic, but living on only kissing and fucking, makes forever seem like a very long time. You always hear about for example wives saying "oh my god my husband wants me to tie him up, spank him and use a horse dildo on him." That is not at all the case here. Just a little more excitement than getting fucked and making out in missionary. I feel so bratty for even saying it.

He totally has esteem issues. I do however tell him repeatedly that it is us. There is no other in mind, that there are so many things I see in the future for us. And he is completely down with that. I tell him he is good in bed, at giving head, eating ass, looks sexy, holds his hand and tell him hot I think he he is. Let him know when we are out, that i am with him. That when he feels insecure about stuff, that he can always text day and night, that he shouldn't feel bad for being needy, complaining or a little bitchy, he can always say whats up, and shouldn't feel bad, because he always has a "get out of jail free love card" Because i love him.

He is Swizz too btw... Funny enough.

[Cobalt]

As long as you are open and honest with him about your desires then that helps. He should be open to trying things unless they're illegal or really, really immoral. If he's at least willing to try new things that helps. But if he's totally against even trying, that's a bad sign. Relationships take stepping out of comfort zones from time to time, including sex. That doesn't mean fucking on a park bench just for the spice of it but, I'm sure you get the idea. If he tries things and gives it enough effort/attempts and just simply doesn't like it, then move on to something else new. I think people are into a whole plethora of kinky/fetish-type things, they just haven't tried them yet so they don't know if they'd like it.

[kindy64]

I think you pegged it when you said "It´s all very new to him." You identify two problems here, vanilla sex, and his self-esteem issues.

5 months is not a lot of time for self-discovery, so the whole thing might be freaking him out and causing him to withdraw into his shell. Regarding sex, everyone is different, has different tastes for what turns them on or not. I'd ask him if it turns him off to do those things you mention.

Have you told him what doing those things makes you feel? Not just physically, but emotionally. For instance, I know when I'm sucking on my guy I feel so totally into his pleasure, more so than when he fucks me. I love looking into his eyes and seeing them roll back when I get it right. Being in control and also subservient to his needs is hot to me.

Regarding self-esteem, if you've grown up feeling inadequate for whatever reason, it can take a while to believe what others see in you. Even with constant validation. Keep the communication there, it's the most important thing.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

"its the same with ass eating, nipple play, jockstraps, toys, public play, harness, porn, cum eating"

Good God, lets coax him into this whole "being gay" sexual thing and not throw him in the deep end of the pool.

Back when my first came along I had the text-book knowledge and not the experience. He was into BDSM, Leather, etc. On the first night he definitely did not tie me up in leather and proceed to teach me all of the ropes.

Good news. Today there is the internet (and the internet was made for porn). I suggest you start with easy to swallow subjects (whatever, I'm not being funny), and introduce him to some vanilla stuff. Watch it together and let your breath get a little rougher, and drop your voice an octave - masturbate him orally - no silly, use the power of words and sounds to get him turned on a into whatever - say oral sex, and then see what happens.

YOU are experienced - you lost your virginity centuries before he did, you need to cool your jets and let him catch up.

Yeah, Versatile - pretty word that boils down to 'equals'. In this case there is no equality, and I frankly would be terrified of having you mount me in any way shape or form just because your tastes and experiences are so far advanced I would be terrified you would break me.

If at all possible, recall the days of innocence, before you were a sex-crazed guy full of C... gusto and try to see it from his POV.

[Jospy]

I am so happy I found this site! I think you all have a lot of valid points!

I guess it also come with a statement from him. We started dating, and he wasn't into oral sex, at all, but as time progressed, he seemed to be more into it, and I though, well great, we are moving places. Then a couple of weeks ago, the subject came up, and he said "Mah its kinda just like work", and that for some reason hurt my feelings, I felt like I made him do stuff he really didnt want to do. He has since taking it back and then said it again in other words. So! Not making him do something that was only pleasure for me, and obviously work for him, my idea was, to try some other stuff, that could be a genuine interest for him, and less of working environment experience for him. Since there is not as of yet. I started feeling a bit... Frustrated

I definitely need to keep communication open. Being out and proud for 5 months is not a lot of time, and i need to give it some more time, I guess I am just afraid that he would never like it. I will keep on giving him the validation and let him know that he is worth my time and effort. Because I really feel like he is!

I couldn't stop laughing at the "... you lost your virginity centuries before he did..." because I actually lost it the the last millennia...

I just want to make it clear. I´m not trying in anyway to "throw him into the deep end of the pool"
Just a little head. I would still consider that pretty vanilla. But I think (as i already said) I´m afraid that this might be it, and that there is nothing else. But you are all right, I definitely need to work on my patience.

[princealbertofb]

If I may offer some advice here, @Jospy, although probably this is unnecessary advice, make sure you keep yourself clean down there, because going down on a man who isn't clean or smelly, even if you remain generally hygienic, might not be everyone's idea of fun. Some people like other people's body smells, and some don't, are inconvenienced by them and they could be put off by the act of fellatio. Some also don't like to feel gagged, so there's also that to take into account. Maybe if you discuss what it is that he finds distasteful about fellatio, you might dispell or diminish his fears. He says it's "work" and therefore not enjoyable, ok, but is it not just an excuse? There is also all the stuff to do with hygiene that we've been taught since we were kids. Our anuses and penises are meant to excrete waste material, not the most enticing idea around, is it?

[Jospy]

You make a good point! but I am a germofob to the point where people make fun of me reguarly. I don´t have any foreskin that is hard to clean, and do all the preparation before sex, and always know when I´m ready. and wash up a couple of times after with soap. My personal opinion is that I am way way to vain to risk that. But It definitely is something I will think about. You never really know I guess.