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06-22-2016, 11:21 PM

Ok, so I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I'm feeling offended & I don't if I should.
Why you ask... Well because Im never asked if I'm gay. Whenever I meet new people, be it wherever, they always ask other people if I'm gay. Of course the fact that they asked always gets back to me.
For example, at my job there's a group of temps who came in this week. This one guy always turns to look at me when I laugh or when I'm involved in an open conversation. I didn't mind him looking cause he's tall and handsome. Anyway, today I caught him staring on break & before I could say anything, (in Spanish) he asked a coworker my name. I understood what was said & asked him his name & left it at that. Later, I asked my co-worker why'd the guy ask him for my name instead of asking me. He said he didn't know. After work, my coworker text me and said the guy told him later on that he wonders if I'm gay. My coworker told him 'yes.'

And this is where my frustration comes in, because I feel like that's something only I can & should answer. But people never asked ME; its always someone else they ask.
I feel like I'm a very open and approachable person. Asking about someone's sexuality is personal enough, but to involve someone else into by asking them instead of the person you want to know about is very rude imo. And why does anyone who isn't gay care?! I've wondered about people, but if I'm not sexually interested then I don't ask. If/when they feel comfortable enough with me, they'll tell me. If not, it's THEIR business. I definitely don't go around asking other people.

I don't know... Am I blowing this out of proportion? Do I have a reason to be offended? Is this something fixable?

InbetweenDreams · 06-23-2016, 09:39 PM

People are often hesitant to ask if someone is gay. I myself will ask friends if they know whether someone is gay or not. Some folks are hard to tell if they're gay. I'm one of those people, you couldn't tell if I was gay or not...

So no I don't think you should be offended. Sounds like you don't really "own" being gay or just not comfortable being out...not sure which it is.

06-23-2016, 10:20 PM

People are naturally curious about these things. Do I believe that they should ask you rather than others? Of course. Perhaps they are shy and feel more comfortable asking others they are closer with. It is a rather direct question to ask someone, and the awkwardness of a potential mistake in discerning one's sexual proclivities could offset any chance of a future friendship/relationship.

It sounds to me however like no malice or ill-will was intended by his asking, and being offended over it seems misplaced.

VirgoMasquerade · 06-23-2016, 10:42 PM

Take it as a grain of salt, You have something attractive about you that people who aren't close are intimidated by. Use the shit to your advantage like i do :*

Borg69 · 06-23-2016, 10:49 PM

Social graces and the art of communication is mostly out the window these days. No form. No formality. No foreplay. No mystery. Everything is casual instant gratification fast food Facebook reality shows from self serving people whom think a deep conversation is friending and liking someone's FB post from their cell phones.

06-23-2016, 11:00 PM

axle2152 Wrote:People are often hesitant to ask if someone is gay. I myself will ask friends if they know whether someone is gay or not. Some folks are hard to tell if they're gay. I'm one of those people, you couldn't tell if I was gay or not...

So no I don't think you should be offended. Sounds like you don't really "own" being gay or just not comfortable being out...not sure which it is.

I don't mind being out. As for owning being gay... I probably don't. I have some feminine tendencies, but for the most part I'm like a normal guy. So, sometimes it's hard for people to tell I'm gay. I don't mind people knowing, I'd just rather they ask me. Especially when it's somewhere like work.

06-23-2016, 11:04 PM

VirgoMasquerade Wrote:Take it as a grain of salt, You have something attractive about you that people who aren't close are intimidated by. Use the shit to your advantage like i do :*

Thanks

I actually talked a little with the guy today. He was working across from me and I could tell he was nervous. I don't know why. I started a conversation, learned a little about him and made him laugh. I don't hold anything against him.

06-23-2016, 11:19 PM

i once had a facebook friend ask me are you gay in capital letters. He was homphobic and is not a friend anymore. Why people feel a need to know someones sexuality when they have no interest in dating the person is confusing to me.

TigerLover · 06-23-2016, 11:24 PM

Takes guts to ask someone about their sexuality. For all they know you might be a homophobe or a repressed closet case.

I once got advanced warning from a coworker that a girl was gonna ask me if I was gay. They basically held a fucking mini meeting in the breakroom.

meridannight · 06-24-2016, 01:12 AM

Borg69 Wrote:Social graces and the art of communication is mostly out the window these days. No form. No formality. No foreplay. No mystery. Everything is casual instant gratification fast food Facebook reality shows from self serving people whom think a deep conversation is friending and liking someone's FB post from their cell phones.

yeah, that's what i have a problem with. it's like the depth has been completely erased. there's little substance to be had these days. it's nearly all superficial pointless crap, honestly. i seem to be one of the only people who are bothered, though.