Feeling Offended...

[princealbertofb]

Asking someone directly if they're gay is a sensitive question, even among people who are supposed to be close to you. It all depends on comfort zones and circumstances. I remember telling my mother when I was in my twenties that I was having an affair with a young man, she didn't want to hear about it. I clammed up. Later I had a four-year period of being straight going out and living with a female partner (who is still a friend, mind you). My mother didn't take gladly to my being with her either (for different reasons) but at least we could talk about it. I had a long run of being single after my girlfriend and I broke up (for circumstancial reasons more than because we'd fallen out of love), and then my gay brother got really sick with AIDS. We were in some very difficult circumstances when my mother asked me "Are you gay?" I don't know what she expected to hear me say, and I don't know how she would have taken an honest answer. Those were words I was no longer able to say, all the more so as I wasn't in any kind of relationship, gay or straight. I remember my answer to be : "I don't like to consider myself as that." My mother and I were going through extreme emotional pain at the time with my brother dying so I was not going to bring her pain to overflow by announcing that I too might be affected by the disease, now was I? At the time, being gay might have implied being HIV positive and potentially becoming an AIDS victim.

Today if someone asked me if I was gay directly, I would still feel uncomfortable, but again it would depend on circumstances and how I perceived the reasons for the question to be asked, and how the asker might process a positive answer.

I can also assume that people realise that a person who isn't gay might be offended to be asked a perfectly benign question, but it hasn't always been benign, has it?

[Justme]

Yeah, I'm trying to let it go. Like I said, it's nothing against people personally. I guess my way of thinking is way ahead of its time. Or maybe I'm just loco.

And I guess it does have more to do with them than me... For whatever reason it matters to them to know.

[InbetweenDreams]

Yeah, I'm trying to let it go. Like I said, it's nothing against people personally. I guess my way of thinking is way ahead of its time. Or maybe I'm just loco.

And I guess it does have more to do with them than me... For whatever reason it matters to them to know.

Well the other thing these days too a lot of straight guys exhibit a bit of feminism, I think it is referred to metro-sexual... So you have straight guys who you might think is gay, but not...

Like where I live there are no gay bars, you have to go looking around on apps or know people... There's a Facebook group where a lot of gay people meet up once a month, but for met to go to the next one it's like 58 miles away...

[JohnMusic]

People have mistaken me and bf for brothers because we do not flame or act feminine.

I put on a tutu to show my gayness when i am feeling frisky. That is a joke. I do not even own a tutu.

[araya]

The last time I saw someone ask someone else if he's gay, he got punched in the face.

You don't casually ask if someone's gay or not especially in a sensitive place like work.

[Justme]

The last time I saw someone ask someone else if he's gay, he got punched in the face.

You don't casually ask if someone's gay or not especially in a sensitive place like work.

I have asked people in the workplace if they're gay, and I've never had a problem. Of course it's not done casually. And whether it was a yes or no, they appreciated that I came to them instead of whispering around them.

And as I've mentioned, this is only one example. I've been to cookouts and hangouts where people have treated me a certain way or there was this awkwardness. I later find out that they had been questioning people on whether I was gay or not. I had one friend tell a guy yes, and one tell him no. And it started this argument when the guy found out my 'no' friend lied about it. My friend just felt like it was none of his business and didn't see why the guy was asking him. I felt the same way. But if he had just come to me in a certain manner and asked, I would've told him.

I just find myself in these types of awkward situations all the time. And it's either cause I'm black, gay or both. People expect a certain behavior from me, and when I don't conform to the stereotypes, the whispers begin. I would just rather people ask me about me. There is a way to do everything, and if they feel it's gonna be a problem, don't even ask! Is it that important to them to know?

But like I said, maybe my way of thinking is just that... Mine. I guess it's something I have to learn to deal with or start acting like a queen (no offense to anyone).

[JohnMusic]

if someone hit you for thinking he or she was gay would that not be a sign of extreme homophobia.

[drobs]

For example, at my job there's a group of temps who came in this week. This one guy always turns to look at me when I laugh or when I'm involved in an open conversation. I didn't mind him looking cause he's tall and handsome. Anyway, today I caught him staring on break & before I could say anything, (in Spanish) he asked a coworker my name. I understood what was said & asked him his name & left it at that. Later, I asked my co-worker why'd the guy ask him for my name instead of asking me. He said he didn't know. After work, my coworker text me and said the guy told him later on that he wonders if I'm gay. My coworker told him 'yes.'

What's my reaction to that? The dude is checking you out. Good chance he is also gay but shy, or worried about the job / loosing the job. No one wants to be a permanent temp.

Got a Grindr account - he's probably on there within 15 feet of you.