So there's this guy...

[InbetweenDreams]

There's this guy I've know for a while. He's been in a relationship with someone for a while and apparently had broken up. Well the thing is he's been trying to get up with me for like a year. I've refused to do anything with him because he's made it clear to me that he wants to play and I'm not going to mess with another guy's bf. However, now he tells me he's single and so on...

I'm like 99% sure he is a charmer and probably has cheated on his recent ex numerous times. I don't have all the facts, I hear things from friends and you know how that goes. I've heard things about people and sometimes they're right or terribly wrong.

The problem I see with him is that he already shown he can't be trusted, at least not in a relationship. I don't know how I feel about go forth with a friendship or even anything sexual.

Never met him or anything but have been talking off and on for a while now and who knows.... Probably going to be one "I've got a bad feeling about this."

[TwisttheLeaf]

Your desperation is showing.

Sorry. That was blunt as fuck, but I don't mean it as in "cover it up" type of thing and move on. I mean that your desire for friendship/relationship with others is overshadowing your instinct.

Everything said in your post sounds like your instincts telling you a big fat "BAD IDEA" that you hedge around and poke at, but don't actually want to believe is true.

Listen to your instincts, yeah?

IMO, friendships (like relationships) are built on trust. If you can't trust him, he's not your friend.

[LONDONER]

The problem I see with him is that he already shown he can't be trusted, at least not in a relationship. I don't know how I feel about go forth with a friendship or even anything sexual.

Never met him or anything but have been talking off and on for a while now and who knows.... Probably going to be one "I've got a bad feeling about this."

I think you've answered your own question.

[InbetweenDreams]

I think you've answered your own question.

Yeah, but there's supposed to be that whole benefit of the doubt thing lol

If it weren't for him appear to simply wanting to hook up with me friendship would be perfectly feasible....into a lot of outdoorsy stuff, camping and cycling which is nice... I have a feeling trying to get him to state what he really wants isn't going to work because it is likely he'll just tell me what I want to hear...

At any rate I have a good idea what I might be walking into, which helps...good to not have any false hopes.

[InbetweenDreams]

Your desperation is showing.

Sorry. That was blunt as fuck, but I don't mean it as in "cover it up" type of thing and move on. I mean that your desire for friendship/relationship with others is overshadowing your instinct.

Everything said in your post sounds like your instincts telling you a big fat "BAD IDEA" that you hedge around and poke at, but don't actually want to believe is true.

Listen to your instincts, yeah?

IMO, friendships (like relationships) are built on trust. If you can't trust him, he's not your friend.

I suppose it does and typically doesn't get me anywhere. In this guy's case I have a pretty good indication of what he's after and what he's like. I think perusing anything beyond friendship would be a bad idea... I'm very skeptical of people but try to give people the benefit of the doubt and seldom do things work out. It is both a good and bad thing that my intuition about people is good, I just don't always listen to it.

[SilverBullet]

Was thinking about my comment too long, your last reply shows you pretty well got it sorted xD.

[InbetweenDreams]

"I'm like 99% sure he is a charmer and probably has cheated on his recent ex numerous times."
Yikes!!

So the question is, are you willing to bed someone that could cause you permanent illness.
Another question is, if things seem to work out how would you confront him if/when he cheats on you?
And lastly why would you even want someone with the moral compass of a field mouse as a friend? :S

Yeah I'm pretty sure he's poison candy. Truth we have been chatting for a while, nothing major, mostly elevator talk because of the rumors and my own judgement based on where he goes with conversations... IE he's stated he wants to blow me on many occasions, send me nude photos of himself and all that shit...

Me, not into that crap. I don't send people nudes and I don't want someone's nudes and the sex talk, just isn't me.

Right. Why would I want to be friends with him? I've been trying to figure out why I just don't go and block his number and his FB when all the proof he's a certified scumbag. I don't know that he's cheated, but he's certainly tried with me multiple times while he was still with his ex. Of course I inquired about why he broke up, says he was tired of the arguments (which I'm thinking yeah because he's accusing you of being unfaithful). So either he's delusional or he knows exactly what he's doing and is a sociopath...playing the victim when he's the one that's the house wrecker.

Anyway, I came here after talking to a friend about all this and well pretty much the same conclusion...maybe a little less blunt lol

[ceez]

I would definitely stay away from that guy. even if you do just become friends with benefits it sounds like you could still get sucked into his drama.

[InbetweenDreams]

From the sounds of it I probably don't want the benefits package...

He (claims to) enjoy things like biking and camping, outdoorsy type which hey I like biking and I want to go camping and stuff but given everything else pretty sure it is going to be a slippery slope with him most certainly trying to get in my pants.

Ugh... Why is it always difficult to find (and keep) friends... I mean I'm partly to blame with all of my misdeeds.

The thing about moral compasses is that people who lack them don't necessarily know that they are lacking them. I mean I can't quite wrap it around my head being able to cheat on my future bf and not have guilty thoughts galore. I mean you either have to endure the guilt or you aren't capable of feeling guilt. It would be one thing if they had an open relationship....I think I questioned him about that once and I don't think I got an answer...

Hmm... I don't think it's why would I want to date or be involved with someone like him... I think it is why do I keep looking over major character flaws. Desperation for find make friends, dates, w/e? Probably has something to do with it, but I do find that in the past I would look past a lot of things.

Which brings me to this funny story. Just a few days ago I get a random text from a number I don't recognize asking me "if I needed any?" and I'm like wth, someone is trying to sell me drugs. I text back saying "I don't know who you are and I don't want the drugs you are selling." I soon find out it is my ex from 7 years ago... I have no clue how he got my number because I don't think I had the same number that far back...but who knows. I guess I just need to be more objective and stop going for the benefit of the doubt crap.