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Ex-partner won't return my stuff...? nor answer my messages?
#1
Hi everyone. I'm very confused right now.

*We were seeing each other for about a month. The time we spent together was nice and but it went downhill (emotionally). From my side, it was due to the stress I was under because of college. I also think it was because I showed interest in commitment too early in the relationship (it was my mistake...and also my first time trying it out with someone else). I'm assuming he was more into the idea of an open relationship but he never spoke openly about this.

*One of the nights I went over to his apartment, I distractedly left some DVDs behind.

*A few days after that, I approach him because I wasn't sure of what was going on between us. We decide to go out later that night. I got high to calm myself down because I was super nervous, which totally backfired. I started sobbing and saying things that did not make much sense. It was a rough night but we were pretty civil with each other. I wasn't clear if he was "breaking up" with me or not. I was not sure if I wanted to stay over with him that night either, so I bring the DVDs up. He makes it clear he does not want me to stay over, and refuses to give them to me (I could have just waited outside while he went go look for them...)

*He messages me the next day. During the conversation he brings up the DVDs saying they're in good conditions. I tell him I wasn't worried about that (I trusted he would take care of them).

*No contact for a month. I then bump into him while I was hanging out with a friend. He seemed happy to see me, says hi to me, calls me baby, kisses me on the cheek. We don't talk to each other for much longer but at the end of the night, we both end up with the same group of people. My friend suggests I invite him to do something later that same night. I choose not to.

*Instead, I follow her advice the following day: I call him. He mentions that my friend got a hold of the keys to his apartment by accident. I ask him if he wants me to give him her number, or if I go pick them up for him. He chooses the latter. During the same call, I ask him out to do something the following night. He says yes, but that he might have to leave town to visit his parents.

*The next day, he texts me that he had already spoken with my friend about the keys, but "she told me she gave them to you..." which was confusing... and that he's going to visit his parents (he's honest about this stuff) so he needed his keys. I go by his friend's apartment to give them to him. We have the most normal conversation ever without "talking about us." Since we couldn't hang out that day, and since everything seemed OK, I ask him if he wants to do something next week. He says yes, and says goodbye with a kiss near the mouth.

*A week after that (two weeks ago), I bump into him (again). He's with a friend. I'm assuming they're seeing each other (I had hung out with them before, and his friend kind of hit on him most of the time, which I let slide because I was not feeling jealous). So, that night, I call him three times. No answer. I text him for my DVDs back. He says, "sure, how about tomorrow after noon." I say, "why not now?" since I knew he was at his apartment at the time (he lives near where we were hanging out). No answer.

*A week after that (a week ago), I text him again. No answer.

It all sounds like he has moved on, but it's just weird to me that he won't answer me nor give me my stuff back! Especially since I did him the favor of giving him his keys. Nothing AWFUL happened between us either...no real reason to stop talking to each other completely, imo. I asked my friend (the one who took his keys by accident) to talk to him, so that he could give her the DVDs, but she has not messaged him yet. I feel powerless. He's apparently put me "on hold" by not giving me back my stuff because he still has feelings for me (that's what I've gathered from other threads), or he may think it's just an excuse so I could see him again, or he's just being rude (not what I expect from him, honestly). What should I do?
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#2
How many DVDs are we really talking about here? 1? 2? 20?

IMO, let the DVDs go and stop contacting him. If he's interested in you, the ball is then in HIS court to contact you back.

Don't hold your breath. Don't wait by the phone. If he's too late because you met someone else by the time he calls you back (if he ever does) then that's his loss.
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#3
You need to stop texting him. If you want to speak with him then you need to do it in person and not by texting. As for the DVDs, they can be replaced in the future if you really want them. It almost sounds like they are now an excuse to talk to him.

I really hate how some modern relationships or friendships breakdown and just end up a message fest by text or Facebook. When did people stop learning to communicate in person?
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#4
Your cd' s are a foot in the door for him to keep you in his life, and a trophy, of sorts. A reminder to himself he can meet guys and is a player worth being pursued. It's his way of hoarding people.
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#5
Borg69 Wrote:Your cd' s are a foot in the door for him to keep you in his life, and a trophy, of sorts. A reminder to himself he can meet guys and is a player worth being pursued. It's his way of hoarding people.

I had this thought also. Sort of.

Maybe he is controlling you as long as you want those cds back from him. If you stop wanting them back he will lose that control.

That is just a guess on all of this and i could be wrong. .Good luck.
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#6
Look, when you come here asking about the houseful of crap you left to your cheating ex of 14.5+ years, then you can ask what to do.

For a few dvd's - Mary please!
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#7
Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Look, when you come here asking about the houseful of crap you left to your cheating ex of 14.5+ years, then you can ask what to do.

For a few dvd's - Mary please!

My point, you are making a much bigger deal of this then it needs to be. This isn't like you are being robbed of the one remaining photograph of granny, or some other deeply sentimental thing (and if these DVDs are sentimental lean back as my hand will reach through the screen to slap you).

A month with a person isn't even enough emotional investment to leave your tooth brush at their house, let alone DVD's.

Moral of this lesson: Live and learn, now buck up there buddy and walk on.
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#8
TwisttheLeaf Wrote:How many DVDs are we really talking about here? 1? 2? 20?

IMO, let the DVDs go and stop contacting him. If he's interested in you, the ball is then in HIS court to contact you back.

Don't hold your breath. Don't wait by the phone. If he's too late because you met someone else by the time he calls you back (if he ever does) then that's his loss.

Thanks for the insight. I'll leave him alone, then.

They were four seasons worth of TV. I don't really use them, but of course I don't want him to keep them. The DVDs are not the main problem, it's his attitude and change of heart what are so shocking to me. I really did not see this coming. Knowing him, this is not something he would do to one of his friends (not that we were ever friends to begin with).
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