07-07-2016, 12:12 AM
First off hi everyone, sorry for being away so long, this whole year was frenetic, i made my internship wich is basically 1 year inside a hospital being the slave of every service with no control over what you do.
It was... fun, and academic, but most of all it was hard.
Anyways thats done.
So its 23 months with my Boyfriend now and there are somethings that i need to get out of my chest.
He is still wonderful, he is suportive, and he is nice all around except when he is stressed.
He is studying biomedical engineering and he is under lots of work, specially because he has to work night shifts in a hotel as an administrator, so that leads up to him being very tired during the only hours we are together (afternoons) so we havent sex like in 1 week, and that is just too much, on the other front i gained some weight during those long hard nights between surgeries and tacos and babys being born.
So i feel sad, less atractive, and he is sometimes hurtful like if i make a mistake he sneers at me or if i get cudley and its hot (because its freaking chiapas and its warm as a sauna) he gives me a shove to the side with a hurtful "no! get off"
I try to think about him being tired, stressed, his semester project isnt coming along, and i study medicine so i cant help him at all with super math (thats how i call all those misterious numbers and letters) and try to think its not my fault, but deep down i still feel that way, i sense he hates me sometimes, then he realizes what shitty shit he is doing and comes and kisses me and stuff but its just so diferent to what it used to be.
he is 20 and im 24 i KNOW what he is going trought, i know he is poor and has to work, i know his hormones and mind are still changing but it just hurts.
Now to make things worst im starting to fantasise about other guys ( because this last couple of months, not only sex has been scarcer (is that a word?) it has been worst, him taking a total bottom position leaving al the toping to me, and yes i like to top, but i loooove to bottom ( xD) and its been quite a long time since he did it to me. Believe i have talked to him about it and yet he declines.
My boyfriend is the only boy i have had sex with, i gave myself in soul and body, yet he doesnt seem to apreciate any of it, even more, he had quite a long list of partners before he met me (and he is younger than me lol) and he even kept contact with his exes for months into our relationship (he doesnt know i know) he even met up with his last ex a couple of times something like 17 months ago. It was bitter time but we made it trought, he eventually severed all contact with that dude without me telling him to do it.
So to my shame i contacted one of those boys on the net, and we met 2 days ago, it was casual we went into a hotel room and everything felt surreal, we kissed, and it was different (i havent kissed anyone other than him in a looong time) i felt his passion, his urgency, his bla bla bla wathever, im not in love of that guy i love my boyfriend, and the proof? well he wanted me to top him (guess my thingy is yummy) and i couldnt get a boner (o so sad to be so young and impotent xD) of course we were using condoms and stuff, but either way there wasnt any penetration, nor orals, we just settled to kissing and having a friendly hand help (if you get my riff)...
So went home, took a shower, felt.. weird, went to play warhammer 40k (TAU EMPIRE FTW!!!) and the next day i went with my bf, of course there wasnt any sex (he was tired and i was late) but still we slept together huging and we both went to the hotel and spent the night watching movies and cudling in an old sofa in the manager office
so.. i needed to get this off of my chest, sure i did something i tought i would never do, it could have been worst, and i dont feel like going to anyone but my boyfriend, i know he loves me but he is just sooooo stressed and i cant do anything about it, i cant even get angry at him because i am the cool, mature part of the relationship so i just weather his tantrums, but it hurts. I wish i had a million pesos (lol) so i could pay all his schooling, and he could spent the most joyous years of his life without concern...
It was... fun, and academic, but most of all it was hard.
Anyways thats done.
So its 23 months with my Boyfriend now and there are somethings that i need to get out of my chest.
He is still wonderful, he is suportive, and he is nice all around except when he is stressed.
He is studying biomedical engineering and he is under lots of work, specially because he has to work night shifts in a hotel as an administrator, so that leads up to him being very tired during the only hours we are together (afternoons) so we havent sex like in 1 week, and that is just too much, on the other front i gained some weight during those long hard nights between surgeries and tacos and babys being born.
So i feel sad, less atractive, and he is sometimes hurtful like if i make a mistake he sneers at me or if i get cudley and its hot (because its freaking chiapas and its warm as a sauna) he gives me a shove to the side with a hurtful "no! get off"
I try to think about him being tired, stressed, his semester project isnt coming along, and i study medicine so i cant help him at all with super math (thats how i call all those misterious numbers and letters) and try to think its not my fault, but deep down i still feel that way, i sense he hates me sometimes, then he realizes what shitty shit he is doing and comes and kisses me and stuff but its just so diferent to what it used to be.
he is 20 and im 24 i KNOW what he is going trought, i know he is poor and has to work, i know his hormones and mind are still changing but it just hurts.
Now to make things worst im starting to fantasise about other guys ( because this last couple of months, not only sex has been scarcer (is that a word?) it has been worst, him taking a total bottom position leaving al the toping to me, and yes i like to top, but i loooove to bottom ( xD) and its been quite a long time since he did it to me. Believe i have talked to him about it and yet he declines.
My boyfriend is the only boy i have had sex with, i gave myself in soul and body, yet he doesnt seem to apreciate any of it, even more, he had quite a long list of partners before he met me (and he is younger than me lol) and he even kept contact with his exes for months into our relationship (he doesnt know i know) he even met up with his last ex a couple of times something like 17 months ago. It was bitter time but we made it trought, he eventually severed all contact with that dude without me telling him to do it.
So to my shame i contacted one of those boys on the net, and we met 2 days ago, it was casual we went into a hotel room and everything felt surreal, we kissed, and it was different (i havent kissed anyone other than him in a looong time) i felt his passion, his urgency, his bla bla bla wathever, im not in love of that guy i love my boyfriend, and the proof? well he wanted me to top him (guess my thingy is yummy) and i couldnt get a boner (o so sad to be so young and impotent xD) of course we were using condoms and stuff, but either way there wasnt any penetration, nor orals, we just settled to kissing and having a friendly hand help (if you get my riff)...
So went home, took a shower, felt.. weird, went to play warhammer 40k (TAU EMPIRE FTW!!!) and the next day i went with my bf, of course there wasnt any sex (he was tired and i was late) but still we slept together huging and we both went to the hotel and spent the night watching movies and cudling in an old sofa in the manager office
so.. i needed to get this off of my chest, sure i did something i tought i would never do, it could have been worst, and i dont feel like going to anyone but my boyfriend, i know he loves me but he is just sooooo stressed and i cant do anything about it, i cant even get angry at him because i am the cool, mature part of the relationship so i just weather his tantrums, but it hurts. I wish i had a million pesos (lol) so i could pay all his schooling, and he could spent the most joyous years of his life without concern...
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Aries
