Hard situation here

[fjp999]

What can I say, tnx for the advice, will be very useful.
Look, when I first posted here I already knew you'll give me a hard time, I won't say I don't deserve it, but pls cut this crap with me, I already have some serious issues, not only regarding what I've wrote here.

[COLOR="Purple"]Sorry alexDude, thought you would get the message. I was fucking serious. Get a fucking tat wtih the words I AM A FAG on your forehead so all those great nazi friends can give you a taste of your own med. That should be punishment enough to put you into good grace with those you a great human to... If you survive all that then maybe you can get in good with real humans with basic human feelings and run with the new cool crowd.

marsh is much better at keeping his temper under control and again, it is great that you are attempting to come to grips with your past but OMG I doubt there is any way for you to get out from under your past except for moving far far far away and starting a new life all over![/COLOR]

[alex85]

The truth is that whatever you do it may not be enough in the eyes of some people. The present pope will never be allowed to forget his political past, even though membership of the Hitler Youth was a survival strategy for so many young people at the time.

You're right about me not being accepted - I already knew that. In my hometown it's impossible, cause many still remember my grandfather's deeds and think I'm like him.
My mother knew that I'll be just like my grandfather from the day I was born, she didn't even wanted to have me but my father insisted on it, unfortunately now he lives to regret it, like he said.
I've also caused my sister's death when I was 7, I had the duty to supervise her and I didn't do it and she was hit by a car because of me. My mother was devastated and asked a family friend who's also a priest why god had to take her and no me but he said I'm god's punishment for her sins and she just has to take it.
My parents tried to do the right thing with me, although they already knew that worst things will follow, friends knew also, and they were right because I really did end up like my grandfather like everyone said I will. When I grew up I organized the gang I was talking about, imposed the cult of my grandfather, then we went to terrorize the neighborhood and took great satisfaction in doing that. So there's no place for me, and that's exactly why I like my job so much, cause it required me to leave it.
As for the Pope, he had nothing to do with the nazis. To be in the Hitlerjugend was compulsory at the time. Later, in the last years of war there were even fighting divisions formed with this youths, some of them were even 16 - trying to escape it meant desertion and was punished by death.
Now it's quite easier to judge someone from our comfortable position, when we were never faced with this type of choices. I'll admit I'm guily cause I had the possibility to choose, but those boys didn't had that luxury and I don't think anyone is in the position to cast the stone.

Sorry alexDude, thought you would get the message. I was fucking serious. Get a fucking tat wtih the words I AM A FAG on your forehead so all those great nazi friends can give you a taste of your own med.

Typical liberal trash.
Are you sure you're 47?

[Dan1089]

HEY...no fighting on GS period.

[marshlander]

Alex, if what you have just written is true, have you ever sought help? You cannot be held accountable for your sister's death ... you were seven years old!!! The duty of care lay firmly on your parents - not you. As for the comments of the priest, words almost fail me :mad: apart from a few like superstitious, supercilious bully. What a terrible burden to have placed on your shoulders.

I don't know you and I don't know your family. Your mother may have felt she had some reason for fearing that you would grow up like your grandfather, but much of that would depend on the environment in which you were raised. I suspect her fears were founded more on superstition than empirical fact. There is evidence that nature plays a part in determining personality, but it is not the whole story. You have realised you are not your grandfather. You've done the best thing you can by getting away. I shan't repeat what I have already written.

I understand a little about the situation with the HJ. I had an older friend who grew up in Germany and was forced to become a member. People did what they did to survive. Some stood up for what their consciences demanded of them and many, perhaps the majority, paid with their lives. Not much of a choice.

What about you? What do you think you will do now?

[yar]

Alex, the past is over and done with. You can't change it, concentrate on your future. Do your best to atone and go forth and live a good life. That is coming from a Liberal Gay man in the U.S.A. 67 years young.

[alex85]

Alex, if what you have just written is true, have you ever sought help? You cannot be held accountable for your sister's death ... you were seven years old!!! The duty of care lay firmly on your parents - not you. As for the comments of the priest, words almost fail me :mad: apart from a few like superstitious, supercilious bully. What a terrible burden to have placed on your shoulders.

I don't think I was clear about this. I may have been 7 at the time but I was perfectly conscious that she's my younger sister and that I, as her older brother was responsible for keeping her supervised, that day I knew I shouldn't take my eyes away from her cause she was playng close to the road but I got bored and went to play with some kids. Everyone agrees with that, so you know. Now you can understand better how I've caused her death. My father wasn't home, he always used to work a lot, he's a psichologist. My mother never had much time for us, she was very busy, she works for a religious fundation.That's why she could tell from an early age that I'm incapable of emotion and like her father. She put me on bible study with that priest I was telling you about since I was 8 , he did what he could but it all was for nothing. The least she could do was to warn teachers at school about my case, so they would know who to deal with me.That's just the way I was, I guess.
Now, I'm just trying to make a new life for me here, my current gf doesn't know much about my past, and I'm doing good at work too, ppl who don't know about about what I did seem to appreciate me, I'm just upset some of my ex-colleagues started spreading this crazy rumors, exaggerating a lot about some of the things I've done.

Alex, the past is over and done with. You can't change it, concentrate on your future. Do your best to atone and go forth and live a good life. That is coming from a Liberal Gay man in the U.S.A. 67 years young.

Tnx, it's good to see that not all here are like fjp999.

[marshlander]

Alex, thank you for your explanation and honesty, but I still don't buy into it. I, too, am a parent and I cannot imagine any circumstances under which the care of a younger child could be left in the hands of a seven year old, especially where there is any kind of risk involved. Again (if the situation is really as you describe, and with apologies if I am overstepping the mark) your parents acted negligently and the response of your mother to being unable to bond with you amounts to abuse. When I was a teacher, I would have been horrified had any parent come to me as yours approached your teachers.

Psychologist father and religious mother? The theories are useless without the practice. One of the few good messages I took with me from my upbringing as a Mormon was that "no other success in life can compensate for failure in the home".

I would second yar's message wholeheartedly.