Adoption failure
07-21-2016, 09:27 AM
Hi all, nice to meet all of you here! As i see this section is not very popular among users of the forum but still I hope for getting some attention to my thread. Will be thankful for those who will read till the end and will give some recommendations.
I am in relations with my partner for a long time. For a couple of years we just lived together and then decided to make the next step. I wanted to adopt a child as a single man. It seemed like a good idea for the first sight.
We were in long search for an agency where it would be possible to do. There was taken a decision not to tell details that i am in relations with the other man etc. I just posed myself as a single man willing to become a father. I was not surprised when I visited a few agencies and centers and in each of them I was treated with suspicious attitude and always asked what for I need a child.
Attitude was obvious but inside i felt myself strange because it sounded like man can't have desire and doesn't have instinct to be a father. But people don't understand that there can be different situations and these situations should not prevent you from experience of parenthood.
So, we spent a lot of time and finally found an agency where manager promised to help us. So, we've got aquainted with a cute baby boy, his name is Tom, he was 3 years at the moment we saw each other for the first time. At that moment I understood that instincts inside me told me that I can be a good father and for the first time in my life I had a feeling which I can't compare with no other feelings I experienced during my life. We started the process of adoption. But as it always happens everything goes wrong.
We spent 2 years waiting. When they told us that it is the end I felt like something died inside me. Then a long period of depression came. my husband didn't leave me at the hard period and after it our relations and our love became stronger. Together with it our desire to create a family also became stronger.
And now we decided to make the next step and we are looking for options of surrogacy. It is really scary for us to start everything from the beginning but seems like it is the only options where we can control the situation and we can't be nicely left. We know that adoption process and surrogacy are pretty different methods but they have the same goal.
Are here someone with useful recommendations or experience?
I am in relations with my partner for a long time. For a couple of years we just lived together and then decided to make the next step. I wanted to adopt a child as a single man. It seemed like a good idea for the first sight.
We were in long search for an agency where it would be possible to do. There was taken a decision not to tell details that i am in relations with the other man etc. I just posed myself as a single man willing to become a father. I was not surprised when I visited a few agencies and centers and in each of them I was treated with suspicious attitude and always asked what for I need a child.
Attitude was obvious but inside i felt myself strange because it sounded like man can't have desire and doesn't have instinct to be a father. But people don't understand that there can be different situations and these situations should not prevent you from experience of parenthood.
So, we spent a lot of time and finally found an agency where manager promised to help us. So, we've got aquainted with a cute baby boy, his name is Tom, he was 3 years at the moment we saw each other for the first time. At that moment I understood that instincts inside me told me that I can be a good father and for the first time in my life I had a feeling which I can't compare with no other feelings I experienced during my life. We started the process of adoption. But as it always happens everything goes wrong.
We spent 2 years waiting. When they told us that it is the end I felt like something died inside me. Then a long period of depression came. my husband didn't leave me at the hard period and after it our relations and our love became stronger. Together with it our desire to create a family also became stronger.
And now we decided to make the next step and we are looking for options of surrogacy. It is really scary for us to start everything from the beginning but seems like it is the only options where we can control the situation and we can't be nicely left. We know that adoption process and surrogacy are pretty different methods but they have the same goal.
Are here someone with useful recommendations or experience?
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to GaySpeak. I'm afraid I have no experience of what you are going through. I am now too old to adopt, I should think, and my partner has children of his own who are all producing the next generation. I'm not in need of a baby to cuddle and bring up, to be honest. But I feel your situation is interesting. It sounds like there are double standards going on here. Why shouldn't a man want to be a father? My partner got married precisely because he wanted children. In the end he realised that he was gay, but he always wanted children. So I believe that men can have just as much a rearing instinct as women. I just think it manifests itself in slightly different ways. 
Virgo
