Feel like Im cursed being Bi

[Lycanking55]

Hello everyone, I'm looking for a little help again as well as a place to just vent I guess.

I feel like a lot of people are going to disagree with me but I really do feel like being Bi is a curse for me and not a blessing. The problem is that I struggle to be physical or romantic with anyone, so I'm pretty much a one partner kind of person and usually long ish term, but how do I do that when no one person can be both ends of the spectrum? I simultaneously need a masculine fun guy who likes to take charge, and a sexy feminine girl who likes me being the guy. And I dont just mean a role thing, it has to be "real" for me to like it. Said bluntly, I want to feel a real cock and vagina when those are the things I want.

I know this may seem stupid to some of you but its sort of getting to me a lot lately. I'm with a girl right now that wasn't really supposed to be exclusive, and sort of just happened. I'm happy with everything in all ways but the one. So now I'm wanting to go out and try and find a guy form something and can't...

Maybe I'm missing something obvious but I don't know what it is, I'm just sort of depressed about it. I struggle with most everything that is related to sexuality, relationships and physical experiences so maybe I'm just being stupid.

Thanks for anyone that reads and hope your having a good night.

[Camfer]

It's that "just sort of happened" part that might need exploring. Relationships take a lot of communication. If you were totally clear with your current girlfriend as it was evolving into what it is now, that relationship either wouldn't have happened, or she would have been clear about your needs and been able to accommodate them.

With modern technology, you could easily state what you want, if you know it. Bisexual polyamorous? In a triad? If you want it, chances are someone else does too. Honesty and clarity could serve you quite well.

[TwisttheLeaf]

It sounds to me like you aren't ready to settle down. Being bi doesn't mean you have to have both, it means you're sexually attracted to both. Completely different. If I had to fuck every one of those people I was attracted to back when I was single, I'd have been too busy for anything else... and probably dead, since some of those straight boys would be sure to have objected.

So my advice would be -DON'T- settle down until you're ready to settle down with one person. Either that, or consider looking into a poly relationship where ALL parties are informed and in agreement on the relationship's dynamic, terms, and limitations.

[LJay]

Have you considered moving to San Francisco? Or Berkeley?

Joking aside, it might be helpful for you to simply give the matter up and resign yourself to learning not to worry about it. This is a matter of nature and not conscious decision. Allowing yourself a period of calm might result in you making your peace with yourself.

Getting some counseling might help, but you may be able to go a surprisingly long way with this on your own. Best of luck to you.

[kindy64]

Sounds like you need a discussion with your girlfriend about your needs, and how you might want to explore having a boi on the side or some such.

My fiance and I are both bisexual males, and we both are open to being in a poly relationship, as well as being open if we feel we need to have others in our physical lives.

[meridannight]

if you just need the other for sexual purposes, you probably won't have that much of a difficulty finding someone on the side.

if, however, you want a love relationship with both -- a man and a female -- simultaneously, you're in trouble. i don't see that happening in any way that's healthy.

[Borg69]

It sounds like a cop out to me. We're ALL attracted to different and varied things to varying degrees... and attraction is not a choice... but commitment and being faithful IS a choice.

I have a BF. Am I still attracted to other guys? Yes, of course I am. I'm not dead! Do I sleep with the other guys? NO. I choose to be faithful to my BF because I think he's worth it.

[Radbot42]

couldn't you just ask her to grab a strap on?

[Lycanking55]

Thanks everyone, appreciate the replies. I'm sorry, like I said, to some degree it was just the venting thing. What I mean by that though is posting like this and getting real feedback from real people really help me process these type of things, even when they say the same things I do to myself in my head. I struggle to do it all in my head these days.

Specifically to [MENTION=21075]Borg69[/MENTION], I get what you're saying and why you might think that. If I thought the answer was as easy as to not be faithful, everything would be much simpler, but I'm not designed that way. Truthfully even if she was all for open relationships, I still probably wouldn't be ok with it.

I seem to be built to only be with one person and that is the issue I was trying to sort through, I don't feel like one person can be the multitude (specifically the mutually exclusive) things that would make me feel fulfilled or happy or content or whatever it is that this is.

[knickerbuck]

If you feel like cursed being Bi, I feel cursed being Ho, Bi is Bismuth, Ho is Holmium, oh sorry, are we talking about sexuality .. i thought this was Chemistry .. lolz ..