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09-04-2016, 09:11 PM

So me and my bf have been together now 5 months. Next month will be 6. He brought up that for a month he wants to not have sex. Not see eachother completely naked. Still sleep together but he says he wants to make sure he loves me for me not for sex (he says he does but he wants to test it). I think it is a good idea. It allows a better emotional bond. But also it does raise the temptations you could have. What do you guys think? Have you tried it? Outcome?

InbetweenDreams · 09-04-2016, 09:27 PM

Go for it. Try it out and see. It really is hard to do... I mean you do that when you're single, not have sex.

Lets just say if you guys can go a month without it the next time you do have sex, ought to be great Wink

The other thing that seems to happen is guys do go through cycles, from being horny as fuck to not really being in the mood... at least it seems that way with me. So if the sex isn't that big a deal, you can without. It is more important to be emotionally stable, you can get sex pretty much from anyone....but someone who's going to have your back all your life is pretty much once in a lifetime if at all.

Camfer · 09-04-2016, 09:38 PM

I think it's a flawed premise. Not having sex with your BF for a month will not help him determine his true connection to you.

VirgoMasquerade · 09-04-2016, 09:47 PM

Outcome 1. Depending on both your libido's your gonna end up being very very horny!

09-04-2016, 09:58 PM

life would be so boring ...

InbetweenDreams · 09-04-2016, 10:07 PM

Camfer Wrote:I think it's a flawed premise. Not having sex with your BF for a month will not help him determine his true connection to you.

I agree it is a flawed premise as well. On the other hand I do think that we as gay men are pretty obsessed with sex and relationships while sex is a key component so is everything else that comes with a relationship, so I see his partners point but I think refusing to go on with it will sabotage the relationship which may otherwise be fine.

A month without sex for me is pretty much like every other month for me, so it shouldn't be that big of a deal realistically. That's why I say let it play out. Hopefully he'll not question your motives, or how you feel about him...that's what in my opinion irks me the most.

What I do think, while others my disagree, is you should be able to date someone for a month before having sex. We're so quick to explore the sex before you know their when their birthday is or if they have any siblings...or maybe you forgot because you were looking at their junk -- whatever the case may be, sex is important and couples to need to be compatible sexually as well as emotionally, personality, etc. I mean chances are with sex there can be compromises while someone who you just can't stand, well there is no compromise for that.

Just depends on what is important to a couple, sex, bonding...money and finances. I mean people have their thing...deal breakers and so on. There's plenty of things to go wrong in a relationship...

If his partner thinks that abstinence is going to prove his love then fine, I do agree that it doesn't prove anything. You prove your love by being a loving person and support them. There has to be a balance.

The other thing to think about is lets say [MENTION=23831]Jonathan[/MENTION] says fuck this I'm out because we on GS say hey your guy is full of shit. Leaves him or whatever happens, now his partner will have this flawed perspective of thing reinforced because he'll see it as confirmed, this guy just wanted to fuck.

So I say let it play out. That being said, I would question how he feels if he doesn't trust you, or doesn't think you love him...anything else going on that might have led up to this?

meridannight · 09-04-2016, 10:22 PM

I'm not sure what to think. I do think a month is a very short time for determining such a thing on such abstract terms. For all, you're not gonna figure this thing out on some predetermined time interval. And you are going to be exceptionally horny for the other, so that amped up and frustrated libido is going to mess things up rather than clear them. Most all you'll be feeling is physical desire for the other, and any emotional nuances will take the background importance and get drowned in that; worse: the increased physical need felt for the other gets confused for emotional closeness.

meridannight · (Edited 09-04-2016, 10:41 PM by meridannight.)

I have to agree with axle, his advice seems the soundest: let it play out. If they want to do this, they should do it, and just see how it goes.

09-05-2016, 02:14 AM

axle2152 Wrote:I agree it is a flawed premise as well. On the other hand I do think that we as gay men are pretty obsessed with sex and relationships while sex is a key component so is everything else that comes with a relationship, so I see his partners point but I think refusing to go on with it will sabotage the relationship which may otherwise be fine.

A month without sex for me is pretty much like every other month for me, so it shouldn't be that big of a deal realistically. That's why I say let it play out. Hopefully he'll not question your motives, or how you feel about him...that's what in my opinion irks me the most.

What I do think, while others my disagree, is you should be able to date someone for a month before having sex. We're so quick to explore the sex before you know their when their birthday is or if they have any siblings...or maybe you forgot because you were looking at their junk -- whatever the case may be, sex is important and couples to need to be compatible sexually as well as emotionally, personality, etc. I mean chances are with sex there can be compromises while someone who you just can't stand, well there is no compromise for that.

Just depends on what is important to a couple, sex, bonding...money and finances. I mean people have their thing...deal breakers and so on. There's plenty of things to go wrong in a relationship...

If his partner thinks that abstinence is going to prove his love then fine, I do agree that it doesn't prove anything. You prove your love by being a loving person and support them. There has to be a balance.

The other thing to think about is lets say [MENTION=23831]Jonathan[/MENTION] says fuck this I'm out because we on GS say hey your guy is full of shit. Leaves him or whatever happens, now his partner will have this flawed perspective of thing reinforced because he'll see it as confirmed, this guy just wanted to fuck.

So I say let it play out. That being said, I would question how he feels if he doesn't trust you, or doesn't think you love him...anything else going on that might have led up to this?

I am going to go ahead and say super good advice. Like if more people like you were more pro-relationship and emotion and less jump on his junk we would have a lot less emotionally hurt people. No nothing really led up to this. He just said he does not want a relationship revolving around sex. I think this will first help us focus emotionally. But also test us on being true to the other person. Even when that hunk is running towards you and you have not had sex for a month. The thing is. Like you said. Anyone can have sex with guys. But to emotionally connext with someone on a level above just sex is amazing. And what I look for. I'm not a bad looking guy I can have sex with almost whoever I want. But that is NOT want I want. I want to be with someone who is true to me and only me. If that makes since. So I'll keep you guys up to date on how it goes. I'm thinking about writing about it for 30 days each day to see how our emotions go. Because if we come out of this stronger at our 6 months then I am happy to say. Yep. This is the one.

09-05-2016, 02:18 AM

I don't see why NOT give it a try. I'm not sure what it'll prove other than you can go a month without sex, BUT sure... why not as long as you are both on board.
That said? There should be an option to bail on the plan at some time, as well as a clear point made that any temptations that come up, one's desires need to stay focused on each other instead of other people.