So here's the deal. Everyone knows i came out this year after a long struggle, but now i'm dating a 20 year old me being 26. So he's kinda immature, weebo ish kinda guy, but he's very loving and caring. the bad news is he's got a lot of baggage having no job, no high school diploma, and nothing to offer me except his undying love.
I thought this was all i needed- undying love that is. But after conversing with my friends no one thinks i should be dating a "Deadbeat"
I need gay advice, Should I commit to this? cut it off? see it through?
He's proactively seeking his GED, and has shown me nothing but respect. he isnt using me for sex and is a gentleman and asks for permission on everything. he's rough around the edges but i guess i should expect that dating a 20 year old. talk to me fellas, let me know what's up.
I've done two dates and i am at an impass.
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Well... If he is being proactive about his education I would say allow to play out. A GED isn't a death sentence, it can be if that's all he does but he can certainly enroll in a 4 year school get a degree in whatever and still be successful in a career making decent money. He is after all 20 years old people make mistakes, have rough childhoods and so forth.
The other thing you being a bit older will need to prepare for is if he does go to college it will be hard on your relationship and may have to stay almost pen pals while he's doing it, just depends. So ask yourself, do you want to wait for him to bloom or do you want to move on and find someone older?
I mean coming from me who is single and seeing a lot of guys who just don't have their shit together at 30 I'd say someone who is 20 and trying, you might be what he needs to succeed. To me that's what love is all about, its about standing by someone side and investing in them.
That being said I assume there's more to it since your friends seem to think he's a deadbeat... So...what's the rest of the story on that? Why do your friends conclude he's a deadbeat? Is it just because he dropped out of high school?
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Rod, this is perhaps not easy for guys these days to hear but, being of an older crowd, I was given a choice on graduating from high school at age 17. I could either go to college or go to work. I went to college with the help of scholarships and loans and worked during the summers and did not stay at my parents' home, either. At 20 years old, there was no question of my depending on anyone else either emotionally or financially. Thus my crotchety old self sees it hard to get used to the idea that a 20-year-old should be immature these days. Young perhaps, but mature enough to stand on his on two feet and get along. Thus, my not very gentle advice is that your friend should grow a pair and not be in a position to have to ask you for permission to do whatever. If he is depending on you in an financial way for food, for lodging, or for anything else he should not and you should cut that off completely immediately. If you have to withdraw financial support, my suspicion is that a great number of other questions will answer themselves quickly. If he is able to provide his own food, clothing and shelter, then you have every right to tell your friends that he is standing on his own and is not a deadbeat. Being an older boyfriend is one thing and being a provider for someone who is old enough to be taking care of their own needs is another.
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[MENTION=20933]LJay[/MENTION] Yeah I didn't think about whether they were living together or not lol... So those are important points... If you're supporting him that kind of nullifies what I've said mostly. If he's living with his parents that's different...
The problem I have noticed with guys these day is that they're living with their family longer and longer, I mean if I didn't live with my parents it would be unlikely that I would have been able to go to school at all. I mean you can do online classes most of the time but in my case some of the classes I had to go to campus for and having to work full time to pay bills kind of puts you in a bind there, plus they kill you on books so whatever money you would have got back from pell as a refund might not be enough for books or tuition for that matter. Wages haven't really gone up but rent has so it is more attractive to live with family longer... but that's not a free pass either.
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Deadbeat at 20 for not having a job...but actively seeking his GED - Not sure how many Americans have no jobs right now but im sure were talking several millions ... and your friends just write him off just like that , I would tell them that their advice is appreciated but a human being cannot be judge on there employment alone , you say he doesn't want anything from you but offers in return undying love - yet he is the immature one !!
Do yourself a favour and ignore your friends - 6 years is nothing on the grand scheme of things , and if your not willing to give him a go then cut him free now so another more appreciative guy can snap him up - I cant apologies for been harsh as that is how I feel right now after a 12 hour shift......it annoys me when people search for reasons not to love someone instead of doing it the other way around
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Well when I was...shit how old was I, 22-ish... Anyway I dated someone who was a drop out but did have his GED but the difference was he was mooching (in hindsight) off friends until he wore out his welcome with them. He had a job delivering newspapers... well the newspaper stopped delivering papers because of this thing called the internet. So he lost his job...had a pretty good heads up like a month as opposed to many people who go into work one day and the next don't. I tried helping him, I went around town getting job applications for him to fill out anything I could so he could continue living with his friends because they were going to throw him out. I even at another point brought him into the place I was working at with hopes he might be able to get a part time job there... he made a complete ass of himself, managed to get into an argument with my boss -- I consider myself lucky I didn't both get chewed out by my boss or fired... He never had a job the remaining time I was with him, we're talking about a year... but back then I would just about date anyone... So there's an example of a deadbeat...someone who has zero drive, zero initiative and doesn't care who they screw over.
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I'd give him a chance. It seems like he's trying and giving his best and from what you're saying he's treating you nicely.
After all, it's your decision. Don't rely too much on either your friends or us here.
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Somebody that loves you unconditionally, AND wants nothing in return?
And you don't know if he's worth it?
Are you mad?
Tell you what, send him my way.
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