Is it okay to NEVER come out?

[drobs]

I grew up very conservative - Born Again Christian. Went to a Baptist College was in the Army during the DADT days. Spent a semester in Seminary studying for a M-Div. Knew I was gay but fought it till I was in my early 20's and was publicly outed after a relationship with someone in my church. Everyone found out except for the Military (thank god).

Once I was outed I had to make a choice - do I accept myself as gay and enjoy life being out? Or do I go back in the closet - "repent" and keep fighting who I am - keep living that sin, repent, guilt cycle?

The fear of coming out or being outed was loss of leadership positions in the church I attended at the time, it was an irrational fear that I would be disowned by my parents. Add in some religious guilt in there and I just wasn't happy.

I made the decision to stay out. To accept myself as being gay and rejecting the self hate, the fear of others knowing, and the guilt.

One of the things that helped was moving out of Mom & Dad's house. I went an rented a room in a house till I could find a roommate to share an apartment with.

I lost some friends, I made some new friends, and my real friends showed me who there were. Took Mom & Step Dad some time - a couple 5 years but they eventually got over it and more or less accepted me. Sure I was kicked out of the Will for a couple years. I told my parents that I'll make my own way in life, with or without you. Your choice.

So what am I getting at here?

You need to make your own way in life. Accept yourself, move forward, be true to yourself, don't think you need to live a lie.

Best of luck...

[himself]

Your parents need never find out. I never plan on telling my parents. Are you worried that, if you tell anyone, it'll eventually get back to your parents?

[Miles]

Do whatever you want, it's okay

[artyboy]

It's only a label at the end of the day

[larafan25]

Do whatever you want, it's okay

i agree with that

[Jaycee]

You have to do what is good for you and what makes you happy and if that means that you never come out then so be it, just as long as its not making you unhappy. I don't see the big deal of coming out to the world. I came out and it was nothing special and now that I have come to terms with Transgender I am not really in a hurry to tell that many people and most likely I will be in the closet forever unless I do make the transition then it will be hard to keep it quiet. I wish you the best.

[Colettiguy]

I think you have a point. There is no reason you have to explain yourself and come out to other people. We should just do what we want, like Miles says.

[deephiance]

too many things that can go wrong for me to believe that this is an OK senario

[Ibex]

Of course you don't have to come out if you don't want to, ever.
There's no rule in the gay community that says you have to come out, or else

Though if a time comes in your life where you can come out without getting into any kind of trouble, do so for your own sake.
I hear that coming out changes stuff in so many good ways. Like, it's nice to finally be able to be yourself.
And for some, it'll be easier to find other gays.

[JCasey]

Having spent 36 years in the closet, I think I am qualified to chime in here. Hiding is difficult, but it also puts a strain on you emotionally and can affect you psychologically, which can manifest itself in strange ways. Unlike me, you will still be seeking out a life partner while in the closet, which will present any number of challenges itself. Many guys don't want to deal with a guy in the closet, which limits your field of potential partners even more than the relatively small pool of guys in your area. Finding a partner will be difficult without any tools (apps, etc) or going places where you are likely to meet other guys (gay bars, etc). If you are like me, in a rural area, you may go years without encountering anyone of interest, much less the love of your life. When you do find someone, he may not be willing to accept being part of a hidden life. It just opens up so many potential barriers and problems.

Here is my thought.... You are young, you are old enough to be able to support yourself with a job; why not work toward financial independence from your family, then come out? If they have a problem with it, you won't have to worry about losing a place to live and financial support. If all goes well, you should be on here in a year letting us know that you are financially stable, out to everyone, and perhaps even in a committed relationship.