Is it okay to NEVER come out?

[sillyboy86]

May be related with this topic...
On my mind there's a guy, friend of a friend, whereby I'm hanging on sometimes recently. I knew him before as a mere acquaintance, but now that I talked with him some times, I feel weird about him, and myself etc.
It's kinda common for many of you maybe, not for me in this background, small village etc.

I'm in the closet, I don't even know a fit definition for me, I'm just a closeted queer, ok.
The fact is this guy is very feminine, but tries to be masculine (I don't even like these terms...) , always talks like a womanizer, even too much, like he needs to underline that he's straight, but except his quiet outlook everything of him screams "I'm gay!" even when he talks about girls, mostly with his girlfriends, they're watching him like PLZ and he keeps on.

So it's stupid, being closeted myself, but I don't feel the need of scream around I like him/her (I did it while teen, quite common, but not today) and I feel sorry for him, maybe he's really straight, but I don't think so, and then I think about myself and how is shitty being here for a LGBTLMNOPQRSTUWXYZ person...

[Darius]

It's one thing to remain closeted when you are single, but another very complicated thing if you fall in love. How do you spend a lifetime hiding him. Sounds awful.

[cormeum]

You don't have to do anything you don't want but it'd be very unfair to your future boyfriend, hiding him like a dirty little secret of yours. If you ask me, I'd give a lot for a chance to come out and be accepted for who I am. I know what it means to hide all the time, to lie and deny who you are. It's not fun.

[Piri]

What's the point of coming out if all I'm gonna get is disapproval? .

I know this is an old thread but the point is that you can say goodbye to those who disapprove, and that includes parents. What's the point of a fake love from people who wouldn't think twice to kick you out of their life if they knew who you really are? You're worrying too much about how they would feel knowing the real you and not enough about how you're gonna feel every time you'll have to lie to them. You're going to spend the rest of your life basically begging for their love, which is ridiculous: parents should love their children no matter what, but go for it if you want.

[LJay]

In spite of all the talk of "Out is the only way to be!" it really depends on the circumstances.

There is a story about a fellow who went to the doctor complaining of a certain problem. The doctor said, "Frankly, sir, the best advice I can give you is to have sex at least twice a week." The man said OK and tried very hard to follow the doctor's advice. After a month he went back to the doctor and said that his ailment was not improving. The doctor said, "Sex three times a week." The man did his very best and another month passed without improvement. "Sex five times a week," said the doctor. Six weeks passed and the patient was back at the doctor's office. "All right'" said the doctor. "Sex every day." The willing patient had tried his best, but at this point he said, "Look doc, I know you are doing your best for me, but being a single Methodist minister in a town of 300 people makes this a bit difficult!"

If you live in a small village circumstances may dictate that you behave differently than if you live in a large city.

If you want to hang out with this friend of a friend, then you will have to decide if you want to be associated with his behavior. You will also have to decide if he is using his best judgment in acting the way he does where he does. Whatever you decide, be sure to decide based on your own circumstances, not those of others who are in different situations.

Always be true to yourself and kind to those around you. That is what is important.

[Scootaloo]

I would never tell anyone what to do, so yeah you could live that way, but I couldn't imagineit being a very healthy lifestyle.

Lying and deception will hurt your loved ones more then finding out you are gay. They probably already suspect it anyway.

It sounds more like your ashamed of yourself then afraid of what others think.

Be true to yourself, if others can't except that, fuck them. but you will be surprised how many will come around.

[Emy]

It is difficult but eventually one has to come out

[Alvin]

I think you're already not completely in the closet as long as you tell some of your close friends. It is ok to hide your identity in a certain situation-- you may pretend to be straight while collaborating with your colleges. However, we need to crack open the closet a little bit to breath, to know that actually there are others who care about us. Otherwise, it can be really depressing.

[princealbertofb]

I think you're already not completely in the closet as long as you tell some of your close friends. It is ok to hide your identity in certain situations-- you may pretend to be straight while collaborating with your colleagues. However, we need to crack open the closet a little bit to breathe, to know that actually there are others who care about us. Otherwise, it can be really depressing.

That is a very true thing, [MENTION=24431]Alvin[/MENTION]. Letting that air into the closet, or opening the door slightly, is the first step. At least it gives you time to breathe, and not get swamped in self pity and anger.

[MisterLonely]

I posted this thread way long ago (back in Sept), but I'm surprised people are still responding to it!

Luckily, I do have an update for you guys!

To make a long story short, I came out to both of my sisters (although on separate different days, cuz it's awkward telling both of them at the same time). The end result? They were both cool with it and were completely supportive of my sexuality. Admittedly, my older sister acted a little weird at first. She appeared to be uncomfortable with the whole coming out thing judging from her reaction. This was while we were in the car. I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to come out since I don't often hang with my sister that often. Anyways, the very next day her demeanor changed. My older sister smiled at me and reassured me that she supports me 100%, as long as I don't do anything stupid and get HIV and whatnot, lol. On the other hand, my younger sister's reaction was different but positive as well. She said she always knew from the start that I was gay, which was why she didn't seem too surprised when I came out. Although she gave me a long lecture of advice, just her telling me to be careful. You know, stuff like that.

So yeah... it's great that I got the support from my sisters, but now it's time to come out to my parents as well, which won't be anytime soon. Perhaps at the end of the year I probably will.