drama and circumstance

[benefctor4]

This is something I never thought I would do. I am a gay man living in Los Angeles, a very social and liberated city for gay people. I work in the entertainment field and do not hide my sexuality, yet I never speak of it and nobody really asks me anything. I am getting older, almost 50 years old and I find that family responsibility, work duties and just trying to make everyone around me happy has pushed me so far back in the closet that I don;t even have one gay friend.
My life is taking care of my elderly Father who is ill and living with me now and working.
I make good money, but of course much of it is sucked up with medical expenses, etc. I have no support. No family.
The one and only thing that makes me happy is my 24 year old straight male assistant who is ambitious and I have been having a mutual beneficial affair with for 3 years.
I have put him through school and have been there for him in any way he needs. Money has flowed to him in large amounts. In return, I give him oral sex once a week. He is stunning and perfect so of course I have fallen in love with him. But now- He is dating girls and having sex with them and I can't handle it. I am turning in to a 13 year old girl- texting and complaining. I feel lost and unwanted and old. I can't give him up but I can't keep going like this. Do I work at developing a thicker skin- or walk away and be miserable in my miserable life? HAHA So dramatic. I know all the typical responses I will get, but if you are gay and of a certain age- with huge responsibility-having something beautiful and perfect, even if it costs you a lot- sometimes is the only thing that is keeping you going.

[InbetweenDreams]

Hmm well sounds like your assistant is a littl bent but I'd say he is likely going his way as far as dating goes from the sounds of it. I mean he is straight...or straighter sort to speak.

I think you might have to get some thicker skin if your intent is to maintain a friendship. I can't say whether or not to pursue anything else but my thinking would be that if you care about him respect his wishes... I wouldn't just walk away.

I don't think you can set a price on friendship....sex yeah...but that's different...just my thoughts.

[Justme]

First, I'd like to say welcome to GS.

It's funny how alone we can feel on planet so populated with people... We latch onto people that make us feel, whether it's good feelings or negative ones. And that's what this assistant does TO YOU. He makes you feel wanted... he makes you like you're not alone.
But you have ask yourself, "what does he do FOR YOU?"
It sounds like, imo, you have and you would do anything for this guy. He knows this and may be taking advantage of you. Getting jealous of the women he's involved with is a natural extension of your feelings for him.
Having a sexual relationship with a coworker creates all kinds of problems. But having feelings for him makes things worse, especially considering him being "straight." What happens when he wants to get serious with a woman and ends things with you? That's the kind of questions you have to ask yourself.
Sounds like you have a decision to make. Neither choice is a win, but one is better than the other. I'm sure you can meet someone else. You just have to make time for yourself. Los Angeles has a huge gay scene. Make use of it.

[East]

The problem you face now began when you gave him money....you pretty much defined both of your roles.

This is not a judgment. I am cool with any two or more consenting adults doing whatever it is they want to do...

...and you said it was mutually beneficial....

So basically...if you want to move on..paying for sex is an easy route to take and you can easily replace him....

The drama thing...not gonna work. If he figures it out..he can milk you dry now by pretending anything he thinks will get money from you. I am not judging him either....it isn't as though he is stealing it.

The other thing..as you fear getting older...guys that pay for sex don't have to fear that. If you are willing to pay....you can always find a companion. Problem solved....

BTW..I am older than you...and I have a great relationship and he is around my age and didn't cost me a thing....

So...being depressed is a choice in this case. You have the power to do anything you want with your life....at any age. There are endless options and choices.....

If I were in your shoes..the first choice I would make no matter what else I chose to do was the smash the pedestal you built for him. That is a huge part of the problem IMO.

[Insertnamehere]

Adding to what East said, I think your biggest mistake was getting involved with a self-declared straight guy. That was never going to end well for you. And end it must, I'm afraid, you stand nothing to gain from it other than temporary relief from your loneliness and other affective needs and I think you know that.

Welcome to GS btw.

[TwisttheLeaf]

What [MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION] said.

It doesn't sound perfect to me. It sounds like you're a convenience. After all, who doesn't want their dick sucked? (excluding [MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION], of course... j/k).

If you want to salvage -something- with him? I'd say it's time to put the relationship with him firmly back on the platonic.

[benefctor4]

After and evening of dinner, which was meant as a neutral ground to work things out,we headed to a nearby hotel to do "our thing"
Started out great but as the tequila poured the mood drifted from sex to questions as to why he needs to suddenly be with girls and then I asked him to kiss me which he refused,
He said whatever we do is separate from the rest of his life and lately the lines have been blurred, which he doesn't like. As I further questioned him he bolted out of bed saying he is sick of drama and questions and he hit the shower, I screamed something like" after all I've done for you" and he answered, "all I have done for you!" He then locked the door so I grabbed my stuff and left him in the room.driving away in my car.

[LONDONER]

After and evening of dinner, which was meant as a neutral ground to work things out,we headed to a nearby hotel to do "our thing"
Started out great but as the tequila poured the mood drifted from sex to questions as to why he needs to suddenly be with girls and then I asked him to kiss me which he refused,
He said whatever we do is separate from the rest of his life and lately the lines have been blurred, which he doesn't like. As I further questioned him he bolted out of bed saying he is sick of drama and questions and he hit the shower, I screamed something like" after all I've done for you" and he answered, "all I have done for you!" He then locked the door so I grabbed my stuff and left him in the room.driving away in my car.

That I'm afraid, was inevitable and you should now take it that your relationship has ended. It seems to me that he has taken advantage of you all this time and you have aquiessed because, let's admit it, some sex is better than no sex at all. I'm sorry to say it but you just have to find a way to move on. As someone else has said, LA has a vibrant gay scene and there must be someone out there who will interest you. You just have to take the bull by the horns.

[Justme]

After and evening of dinner, which was meant as a neutral ground to work things out,we headed to a nearby hotel to do "our thing"
Started out great but as the tequila poured the mood drifted from sex to questions as to why he needs to suddenly be with girls and then I asked him to kiss me which he refused,
He said whatever we do is separate from the rest of his life and lately the lines have been blurred, which he doesn't like. As I further questioned him he bolted out of bed saying he is sick of drama and questions and he hit the shower, I screamed something like" after all I've done for you" and he answered, "all I have done for you!" He then locked the door so I grabbed my stuff and left him in the room.driving away in my car.

It was bound to happen sooner or later. Sad to hear it went that way, but at least you know where you stand with him. I don't know him, but doesn't sound like he's done much for you. Like its been stated, the BJs were for him!

I think lines have been blurred on both sides. And now you may have to look for a new assistant. Good luck and keep us informed.

[CellarDweller]

welcome to the forum!