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05-13-2009, 12:58 AM

(I GUESS this is the right sub-forum...?)

about 6 months ago I fell MADLY, STUPIDLY in love with a boy. it was love at first sight, really. (and I guess I'm terribly romantic because I do believe in that).
he's EXACTLY my type, in everything important, and EVEN in looks (though I do think looks are important, I'm not so shallow to where I wouldn't date someone because I don't find them attractive).

[I'll try to keep this short as possible]

I finally worked up the nerve to talk to him, I was extremely nervous (I'd be surprised if I found he didn't notice I was shaking ;;) I just asked if he'd like to hang out sometime..a little after that I told him I liked him, but he turned me down because I'm trans (he's gay of course). but, said he'd still like to be friends.

we did hang out, just once, went to have coffee on valentine's day..I'd got him a card but unfortunately didn't get it until a couple days later.

[it wasn't some stupid hallmark bullcrap either. it's neat, a little vintage card from 1939, exactly 70 yrs old, that read "can't you like someone like me? I hope so because I'd like to be your valentine" which I thought was perfect..]

well, I was never able to give it to him. I haven't seen him since. we texted some for awhile, but the last message was about 2 months ago.

I didn't really think about it for awhile, but recently, probably because of the novel I'm reading (great old romance published in 1919 called sweethearts unmet) I can't stop thinking about it and it's driving me crazy.

it would be different if he'd said "I don't like you, don't talk to me anymore", then I'd just drop it and eventually get over it. but it's not like that. we were just starting to be friends, and I'd be fine with that, because I know that as long as we're hanging out and keeping in touch, there is at least a sliver of hope, at least I'd feel so.

it just drives me crazy that I wasn't never given a chance, a fair chance. I didn't even get to explain how deeply I feel for him, just said I liked him (my mistake :\).

now, he hasn't contacted me, but I think that is probably because (like me) he is awfully shy. I tend to not talk to people much, or keep friends, because I'm always afraid I'm annoying them, and I have this deep (very irrational) fear of people thinking I'm obsessive, so I think...better to have no friends than a bunch of people I've creeped out :\ it's stupid, I know, especially since I'm a very laid back person to hang out with, I listen well, and really I couldn't possibly be considered annoying (to most people at least).

ANYWAY, I just want to know

would it be terribly weird if I tried to get back in touch with him, now that a couple months have passed? I need to know soon because if I'm going to talk to him again I shouldn't put it off much longer.

like I said, I'm fine with being friends. if we started hanging out again maybe over time I'd have a chance to explain how much I feel for him and just how bad he BROKE MY HEART. :(
_____________

that's longer than I hoped but if you read all that I appreciate it, and I'd REALLY appreciate any thoughts. this is really just a social question. I never went to public school so I don't have much experience dealing with people. I just want to know if it'd be weird/awkward to try to get back in touch (after like 2 months), with someone you were starting to be friends with, particularly after telling them you like them :\

OH PLEASE, REPLIES, SOON PLEASE

05-13-2009, 11:41 AM

Hi, RT. In answer to your main question, no, I don't think it would be terribly weird to attempt to get back in touch, but I would suggest that if you do it, keep it light and uncomplicated. In fact I was getting on fine with reading your story until I got to the third paragraph from the end. At this stage if you even think of telling him that he "broke your heart" you are definitely bordering on the weird and maybe even tipping into crazy stalker territory.

Of more concern, though, is your assertion that you can manage just a friendship when you are clearly hoping for something more. You are setting yourself up for some serious heartache and I would suggest you seriously give thought to putting some distance between the two of you while you get a bit more perspective on what's going on here.

Best wishes to you.

05-13-2009, 05:21 PM

I feel your pain, and it can't be easy, but i'm not at all sure your approach to this is the healthiest.

If that aws your heart broken then, even though not much really happened, how would you take seeing him on a regular basis and not being able to do/say anything?? What if drunkenly something were to happen and then it went sour?? What if he's not as you imagined when you spend more time with him?? What if he fallls for someone else before your very eyes?? What if friendship isn't enough?? What if you find yourself being clingy without meaning to??

The list of questions my own experiences are begging me to ask goes on.

By all means, ocntact him if you will. I get the feeling you will regardless, but on your head be it. And be prepared for a lot of emotional issues you hadn't even imagined to arise out of seemingly nothing.

05-13-2009, 05:33 PM

marshlander Wrote:Of more concern, though, is your assertion that you can manage just a friendship when you are clearly hoping for something more. You are setting yourself up for some serious heartache and I would suggest you seriously give thought to putting some distance between the two of you while you get a bit more perspective on what's going on here.

Best wishes to you.

There is also a chance where maybe he felt like you didn't see the difference between friendship and love and he thought at the very least that, thats the course it was heading towards, which scared him.

My advice correlating as mentioned above is maybe you need to make sure deep in side that you wont hope for anything else, because doing so will just leave you hanging.

As far as talking to him I suggest a text maybe to begin with if thing resume to a simple light conversation after some time maybe you need to if you have within yourself decided you just want to be friend explain to him that you know that hes not in to you and that there is no need for him to feel that way.

That way it will ease him out of that bothersome feeling we all get when we feel we are being put on the spot.

Good Luck

In the end only you can decided the best course of action follow your heart.

fredv3b · 05-13-2009, 06:33 PM

I would echo what Marshlander said. It wouldn't be particularly weird to get back in touch. However you should ask yourself why you want to get back in touch. Is friendship really what you want, if he didn't want a relationship with you then, why might it be different now, would it actually help you reach 'closure' or would it stir up your feelings again?

Just my thoughts

05-18-2009, 04:53 AM

yes, I could manage fine just being friends; I'd rather have him in my life just as a friend (even if we never became anything more) than not at all.

no, I'm not going to tell him he broke my heart, that is a *little* extreme, and I don't really believe he did anyway, technically. I was a little over-emotional when writing the post. I'm not that crazy. really. x|

thankyou for the replies. I really appreciate it. gonna see him this weekend :) :) :)

05-18-2009, 09:53 AM

rottingteeth Wrote:... gonna see him this weekend ...

Hope it goes well for both of you.

05-19-2009, 04:41 AM

Best of luck rottingteeth... hope it all works out for you and him too.