I don't know what to do...

[dkeo123]

I have been in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years now and we get along really well. We met online and instantly hit it off and by time we met each other we knew we wanted to go into a relationship with each other.
We are both at university and want to move in together after we graduate (i'm 2nd year and he is 3rd year)

Not long into the relationship I found out he still had the app we met on and was all these guys. The messages would say things like 'my boyfriend is not as hot as you' and 'My boyfriend does not turn me on as much as you'
This upset me for obvious reasons, but I was more hurt about the fact that he mentioned me to almost all the guys he spoke too.
Not long after I found this out he told me that he also had a separate Skype account that we would use to video call some of these guys. Because we are in a long distance relationship we used to Skype every night before we went to bed, even if it was for 10 minutes just to say goodnight, so he would say goodnight to me and then sign into his other account and Skype these other guys.
After all of this I still managed to forgive him and move on because it was early days in the relationship and our feelings for each other were still new.

Fast forward to a few months after our year anniversary he goes out for his 21st birthday and kisses one of his friends. He is still in the closet at university (his family and friends at home know) and he said it was a heat of the moment thing and that he was drunk and that it did not mean anything. He was very apologetic about this and told me that I was being crazy when I said I was not happy with it.

We are coming up to our two year anniversary and about to spend our second Christmas together, and all though everything is going well I still can't help but feel that their is a reason he is not telling his friends at university about me, especially since he was so eager and happy to tell everybody else.

I want to know if I am being over dramatic and over thinking everything, I want the relationship to work and I am trying everything I can to make it work. But I can't help but feel like he does not have the same feelings for the relationship as I do.

[Insertnamehere]

He has the makings of a cheater, it seems. For a guy that says he wants to move in together he doesn't sound very commited at all.

I'll let you think about that, cause from where I'm standing, this kind of thing may, just maybe, be acceptable at first, but most certainly not after being together 2 years.

[Justme]

I'm with [MENTION=23097]Insertnamehere[/MENTION], he does not sound committed to the relationship at all. He's talking to other guys on apps, skyping with other guys and kissing other guys... what else is he doing that you don't yet know about?

This is the time he's supposed to be showing you how committed he is to you... before you move in together. Instead, he's showing you he isn't too satisfied with who he's got. That's evident in his comparisons of you to other guys. It sounds like he's settled for you til he finds someone "better." Just my 2 cents...

[Gemini]

Two members here, [MENTION=20738]TwisttheLeaf[/MENTION] and [MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION], are in a committed long distance relationship. I think you should read some of their posts, because from what I've read, their relationship is a great example of how a long distance thing can work. I ABSOLUTELY cannot imagine either of them telling some dude, "My bf isn't as hot as you" ---OMG!!

[TwisttheLeaf]

So, I'm going to tell you something about drinking that -everyone- should know.

Drinking doesn't put things in peoples heads. Being drunk doesn't miraculously change someone into someone else.

What drinking does? Is it relaxes inhibitions, which means the stuff that ALWAYS lives in someone's head more easily slips out because filters are broken when you're drunk. That means kissing his friend was something he's been wanting to do (or at least kissing someone other than you and the friend was handy). He just behaved himself because his filters are intact when sober. Clearly, not so intact when drunk.

Now, as far as all the rest. Does he still use a separate skype? Does he still have the apps?

In Gideon and my relationship, we both agreed that the things you are describing would be considered cheating. Did you and your b/f ever have the discussion about what IS and ISN'T cheating? Did you ever have the discussion about monogamy at all?

In the end? You're going to have to sit down with him and have this discussion. You're going to have to talk to him about the apps. About the skype and how it feels like cheating to you. About how him kissing his friend (regardless of being drunk at the time) makes you feel. About him keeping you a secret. AND, about monogamy as well as what each of you considers to be cheating.

The last? It should have been done ages ago. The rest? You'll have to see how the discussion goes. But the thing is? If you're going to talk with him about it, you need to be open to the face he MIGHT just give you answers you don't want to hear or accept. He might not be interested in the kind of committed relationship you are... and if so? You need to decide on what's best for you, NOT try clinging to what will just hurt you more.

[artyboy]

More on and find a better bloke. He's just messing you about. Love is blinding you do that fact. I've been there got the t-shirt.

I bet he's just after attention when he's bored.

[Dan1980]

He's messing with you, he's talking to other guys and I am sure he's cheating. You best of leaving him and finding some else who will treat you as your deserved to be.

[Shawn]

Oh dear... this is what I don't like this kind of stuffs.

Nothing to say just the same as my fellows said above.

You seem a nice person dude, just take care of yourself

[Ibex]

End it with the guy.
No one deserves to be treated that way.

[artyboy]

It's your own decision. But dude tell him where to go he's just messing you about. Get a real boyfriend..