What does being submissive me to you?

[Emiliano]

In my every day life I actually being told what to do. Being submissive doesn't mean mutual respect isn't important. I think mutual respect is the key stone to a relationship.

That's just my personal perspective on it. I'm glad that you are able to feel comfortable in relationships between a dominant and a submissive person. I don't think I'd be able to. But that maybe says more about me than it says about any of you.

[artyboy]

That's just my personal perspective on it. I'm glad that you are able to feel comfortable in relationships between a dominant and a submissive person. I don't think I'd be able to. But that maybe says more about me than it says about any of you.

We are all different at the end of the day.

My interest is why do I/us feel like this?

[TwisttheLeaf]

[MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION] and I are in a D/s relationship. I.e. Gideon is my Dominant in our relationship. I am his submissive.

I am not, in day to day life (or in the bedroom), a submissive person. Or, I never had been prior to meeting Gideon. I react differently to him than I have anyone else though, and with him my reaction is inherently and immediately submissive in nature.

For us, it's more than just who is in control in the bedroom. It's about who is the boat, and who is the anchor. It's about authority and responsibility. It's about trust, and letting go.

And it's about him taking me to an endorphin fueled high during sex, then being the rock that keeps me safe while I'm in that vulnerable headspace, and then helping me through the inevitable crash (and even more vulnerable headspace) that comes after.

It's about support, and trust.

[Emiliano]

We are all different at the end of the day.

My interest is why do I/us feel like this?

It is an interesting question for sure. I cant speak about anyone else's experiences but my own, and for me, I have a very strong sense of self. Being told what to do, or having someone else trying to assert their control or power over me really bothers me. And in a similar way, I dont like asserting control or power over others. Whether its financial, sexual, intellectual, or otherwise.

I like to be in control of myself and im attracted to men who like to be in control of themselves. When I see people who think they are better than others, more powerful, or generally dominant, I want to see them humbled. When I see people who think they are lesser than others, weaker, or generally submissive, I want to see them empowered. That kind of sums up my world view, but of course, not all people see it like that, which is why I dont go around trying to force balance on people.

Im also not into weird sex or roleplaying and that kind of stuff. I dont treat sex as a fantasy or a game, so maybe thats why I can't see how I'd be comfortable with playing either of those roles. How I am in in bed is fairly similar to how I am out of it. And I expect to be treated in similar ways. The only thing slightly kinky about me, is that I can get into some westling. Thats a power exchange, yeah, but in my mind, its lot hotter than walking into a bedroom and knowing exactly who is going to top and who is going to bottom.

Maybe its my personality type, how I was raised, how I project my masculinity, the kind of interactions I had when I was first becoming sexually active, maybe the porn ive seen messed with my perception, maybe its the prejudice I've faced, or just boring old stereotype threat. Im aware of certain hang ups I have that might be a little irrational, but that doesn't make them go away. I over analyze and I read more into situations than might actually be there, or on the other hand, that other people might not be as conscious of.

But I know what I like and I know what makes me feel uncomfortable.

[artyboy]

[MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION] and I are in a D/s relationship. I.e. Gideon is my Dominant in our relationship. I am his submissive.

I am not, in day to day life (or in the bedroom) a submissive person. Or, I never had been prior to meeting Gideon. I reach differently to him than I have anyone else though, and with him my reaction is inherently and immediately submissive in nature.

For us, it's more than just who is in control in the bedroom. It's about who is the boat, and who is the anchor. It's about authority and responsibility. It's about trust, and letting go.

And it's about him taking me to an endorphin fueled high during sex, then being the rock that keeps me safe while I'm in that vulnerable headspace, and then helping me through the inevitable crash (and even more vulnerable headspace) that comes after.

It's about support, and trust.

Dude your way with words is amazing, you have explained it the way I feel towards it.

I also have to say your relationship with
Gideon makes jealous (in a nice way).

[artyboy]

It is an interesting question for sure. I cant speak about anyone else's experiences but my own, and for me, I have a very strong sense of self. Being told what to do, or having someone else trying to assert their control or power over me really bothers me. And in a similar way, I dont like asserting control or power over others. Whether its financial, sexual, intellectual, or otherwise.

I like to be in control of myself and im attracted to men who like to be in control of themselves. When I see people who think they are better than others, more powerful, or generally dominant, I want to see them humbled. When I see people who think they are lesser than others, weaker, or generally submissive, I want to see them empowered. That kind of sums up my world view, but of course, not all people see it like that, which is why I dont go around trying to force balance on people.

Im also not into weird sex or roleplaying and that kind of stuff. I dont treat sex as a fantasy or a game, so maybe thats why I can't see how I'd be comfortable with playing either of those roles. How I am in in bed is fairly similar to how I am out of it. And I expect to be treated in similar ways. The only thing slightly kinky about me, is that I can get into some westling. Thats a power exchange, yeah, but in my mind, its lot hotter than walking into a bedroom and knowing exactly who is going to top and who is going to bottom.

Maybe its my personality type, how I was raised, how I project my masculinity, the kind of interactions I had when I was first becoming sexually active, maybe the porn ive seen messed with my perception, maybe its the prejudice I've faced, or just boring old stereotype threat. Im aware of certain hang ups I have that might be a little irrational, but that doesn't make them go away. I over analyze and I read more into situations than might actually be there, or on the other hand, that other people might not be as conscious of.

But I know what I like and I know what makes me feel uncomfortable.

Yep I totally understand where your coming from. I don't think you should do anything that is uncomfortable.

[Sylph]

Oh lord, more boring talks on the dichotomy of males and their inherently dichotomous relationships

Yaa~~awn

I myself, am a very extroverted, in your face, sort of domineering kind of person, and I rarely follow the lead of others, unless I find myself enthralled by their character.

However, I am quite clearly feminine and if with another man, would most likely be the "girly" guy, but this doesn't mean I am submissive nor "the bottom".


However, I likewise never envision myself wanting to Top someone, as the idea of a man more masculine than I am bottoming, at least for me, is not my ideal.

And as for Submission; I think too many gays fail to realize something critical:

Whilst humans are animals and by nature have inate hierarchal roles and tendencies, the act of submission is merely a mental folly by those unto whom they believe would desire it, which ultimately defeats the purpose of "Domination", as:

Surrendering to an opposing force, is not Submission, but defeat, and hence being Dominated;

However Submission is an act of free will, so has no real correlation with Domination.


And further still, both sexually and romantically, if there is a forceful opposition, which Domination inherently is portrayed by way of, then it is not submission but a defeat and most times, we call such a thing Rape.

It's merely the desensitization and mental acceptance towards what is thought to be one thing (Sub's and Doms), when in reality it is a small scale version of hierarchal war (Omega & Alpha).


Most times, animals in the pack with a "lesser" or "submissive" role, doesn't choose that for itself, bit is rather thrust upon it in most cases.

Hence the term "Force to Submit".



As much as I'd like a guy to take control sexually/romantically, as I am a control freak otherwise, I don't understand nor really get behind the idea of being "Submissive" or being in a D/S relationship.

Perhaps, I'm much too headstrong to appropriately fraternize with the idea?

But it's an age old topic regardless, so

[VirgoMasquerade]

I found out my sexuality after i found out about what i liked in sex, I love sub boys! Im not much of a sub myself but the ideas i have for sub guys ehhh...... Ive always wanted a sub boyfriend so i could have my man then my slave in the bedroom lol. But to all you subs/bottoms, Awesome job at being proud of what you like

[Ibex]

Hmm when you put it like that, I don't think I'd be submissive completely.
I wouldn't be the first one to act, that other guy would have to kiss me first. Unless I was very comfortable with the guy.
Like say I was very in love with the guy, I probably wouldn't have any trouble going in for the kiss first.
But seeing as I'd love to feel cute and such, I'd prefer that the guy kissed me first, in an adorable way. Ok, hopless romantic here

So inbetween then. A bit of both.

[artyboy]

Ah I like to kiss first though lol