How do you flirt with a guy?

[meridannight]

@meridannight That is true but what are you calling touching exactly? Are we talking cuddling or slipping your hand down their pants and...

I'm not a Neanderthal. Regular touching, but more personal. More personal than the type of touching one has with a colleague or a friend, but not explicitly sexual (although where the line is exactly is hard to tell. But by ''sexual'' in this context I mean touching his sexual parts). Touching that you don't have to do. Going slightly out of your comfort zone touching. Which means, either touching him in a spot that is not usually touched by casual acquaintances and friends (e.g. thigh or knee) or, more often, it's in the way that I touch him. It's in how long I hold the contact between us, and whether/how I rub/press/grab the flesh under my hand. You can convey intimacy and desire by simply taking hold of his upper arm, holding the contact and gently rubbing it with your thumb. (Of course, there is the whole context of your body language to go along with it while you touch him, but for clarity I won't go into that).

Like once there was this guy I liked a lot; we hadn't ever touched each other, but I wanted to let him know that I liked him. So one day when I was saying goodbye to him I also placed my hand on his shoulder and held it a while. That was the first time we touched, we hadn't even so much as ever shaken hands with each other. Next time I saw him, to my surprise, he reciprocated with a touch of his own. It's how it goes. Men are exquisitely receptive to touch.

Grabbing straight for his genitals is something I consider crude and unimaginative. I have better taste than that.

[meridannight]

Just inspect they do not have a belt on or tight jeans, it would be awkward you trying to get down there ^_^ only to fail.

A belt probably wouldn't be so much of a problem. But tight jeans...haha. That'll take some doing, and it would make for some hilarious moments. I laughed just picturing it in my head.

[InbetweenDreams]

[MENTION=21405]meridannight[/MENTION] Of course you're not a Neanderthal, however I wanted to clarify.... Yes, going under a guys pants first thing usually makes the motives very clear and often is the case and seeing it often goes that way I wouldn't be surprised if some guys just assume that's how things are supposed to be. You can thank Grindr and the fact that being gay is very much a social stigma in the US...even more so in the region where I live.

Anyway, I do agree completely...now that were on the same page.

I will admit I am very shy about touching...period. I am always worried about doing something wrong, so not good with laying down moves. Plus in my younger years that's what usually happened when I or another guy would "touch," things would escalate quickly...

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Might as well ask how do you breath without inhaling.

Flirting IS obvious to most people. I am obtuse with the whole flirt situation. I require club over head and being dragged back to the cave. Then I still don't know what it all means.

So "obvious" here has to be weighed against the experience and understanding of the person you are addressing.

Flirting comes naturally if there is a real attraction for most men. Its unnatural and obvious to men when there is not an attraction there.

Besides why be "not obvious" in your flirting? Fraid you will be killed? Society frows? Parents won't be happy - these are rhetorical questions, ones you need to ask yourself then follow up with the idea that dating and a relationship with another man are going to get more heat. If you are not ready to face persecution perhaps the whole flirting and dating and pursuit of a man isn't going to be a good thing.

[InbetweenDreams]

[MENTION=12444]Bowyn Aerrow[/MENTION] Is that directed at me? Why am I nervous flirting with guys? Why am I oblivious to people (men & women) flirting with me?

In short I don't really know. I am generally an anxious person and I'm normally not flirted with. Perhaps a fear of rejection has something to do with it? Hmm, not sure... To be honest I'm not all that worried about flirting. Everyone has their own ways of flirting, or engaging guys... I suppose I have my own way of doing things. I have had things go where things feel natural and "click" and other like you say pretty obvious that there is simply no chemistry.

Almost every time that I have later on realized someone was flirting with me was in a condition where I was either working, or having to concentrate on something else. Perhaps that is a possibility why I oblivious to it, or perhaps that goes back to things not being "natural"

Have I successfully flirted with guys, yeah you bet...but I was comfortable in my skin when I did...just offhandedly flirting with a random guy not a very common occurrence, just has to be a certain amount of comfort doing so...in the wild not very common...

So I suppose when I say "I don't know how to flirt" I am really saying "I don't know how to flirt with guys I am literally just now meeting." Not saying it is impossible, but I think it comes with the anxiety of meeting someone for the first time and not being too risky by trying to be "cute" if that makes any sense.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Well yes it was directed in your general direction, sort of like buckshot.

From my side of things, I rarely know when a person is flirting with me. Strike this up to high functioning autism (which I now carry a certified diagnosis), or you can strike it up to my not being very interested in dating, or being in a LTR (not currently, but in the past).

The answer to knowing why you don't notice may not be just one thing. For me its multiple answers which combine to a general "I don't see it".

As for your flirting with other people, you have to ask yourself why it is so important that you do. Some people are naturally flirts, others, such as myself flirt only with those guys who I end up in a bad romance with.

Maybe something that connects is your ability to have pet names for a mate. I know with myself it feels forced to call my partner "dear" "sweety" and all of those other names. I think there is a connection for myself, perhaps this is similar to your experiences?

Human social interactions are highly complex all due to that forebrain having developed eons after the reptilian/animal hind-brain where all of the biochemical reactions that lead to the mating dances and procreation arts - ya know the summoning of the stork ritual, or the simple name of Sex.

Humans have developed over a few billion years, we still carry alot of those other ancestors to homo=sapiens with us, and largely the whole "how we pick a mate" is biochemical.

I have the 20/20 hindsight thing going on when a guy expresses interest in subtle ways. For me its biology, psychology, sociological approaches which I developed due to how I was raised, what era I was raised in and slight autism.

Being comfortable in your own skin means that between you and that individual that you are flirting with there is some sort of connection.

One problem with the modern world is that we cover our own scent with unnatural chemicals - colognes, aftershave, hair gel, scented deodorants, scented soaps. Humans do still rely on the scent of potential mates to determine viability of offspring. Just because your gay does NOT change that seeking of viable offspring scent locator. It just means that you seek the gay pheramones - which science has uncovered that such exists. Google it.

Visual cues beyond the surface "This guy looks hot/cute" also play a role. Somewhere in the Evolutionary family tree humans didn't talk much. they relied on body language to communicate. Oddly enough flirting behaviors are largely body language. Such as leaning toward a person you are interested in, mimiclking their movements.

And facial recognition of emotions is another aspect. A computer was developed that detects winking - but it is unable to determine what that wink means because the other cues are an alien languages which frankly humans have yet to scientifically determine how a certain type of wink signals what emotion.

Its like the "lie tell" where some people can, with a great degree of accuracy, know when a person is lying. Such as a person looks upward when seeking a data file (recall) and looks down when lying. Well most, I happen to do it backwards -BUT my eyes scan back and forth when seeking a data file (memory/recall) and look straight ahead when figuring out how much truth to include with a falsehood to make it sound plausible.

There are similar "tells" in all forms of human communication.

Verbal "flirting" is hard without the face and body. Which is why so many relationships land up on the rocks when the couple relies on text messaging or emailing for communication. Words are simply not enough.

Nor is silence and hoping your partner can read your mind (body language). While obvious facial expressions do communicate megabytes of data, there are billions of subtle facial expressions that flicker in a second across a face that the brain picks up, but most people are not able to discern all of that data and reach a correct or mostly correct interpretation.

And if you are dating individuals from different cultures the problem is more complex.

Unless it is blatant, undeniable flirting behavior its going to be hard to determine. And if your not feeling it (comfortable in your own skin) then flirting is going to be force, and false which is a lie that others will pick-up on. Well most others. Go ahead, flirt with me, might as well scream at a brick wall. You'd get more feedback from the wall than me.

If it is boiling down to meeting new potential partners, then go with what feels right and natural to you. If the right potential partner comes along no matter how deeply involved in your work or whatever the message will be loud and clear.

[InbetweenDreams]

Well not sure if I have any underlying condition. I have had (former) friends tell me they thought I might have aspergers syndrome, however I don't think I do nor do I think I have autism...I could possibly. I don't know that a diagnosis is necessary...I seem to otherwise get along fine....aside from anxiety and occasionally depression. Anxiety IS a problem for me, has been, probably will always be to a degree a problem. I am a bit up tight a lot, I take things literally (sometimes I miss jokes or when people are being silly, etc). That happens to me quite a bit actually.

Anyway, I suppose then I do flirt...

I definitely prefer to speak in person, especially when things just sort of click. It's also good when you can text, but say in a chatroom enviroment, when you're not limited. Like for instance. I can type up this post, I can fully express and idea or thought. I can put a lot of time into it, whereas texting, eh it's good to make arrangements, send pictures and some small talk, but trying to say type all this into a text message is very impractical.

The thing about texting of course is well how you read it. Am I being a smart ass or just being thorough and so on? Hmm I don't know. Sometime how people word things on here can really make you think someone is being an asshole and thus really come off really mean and rude. Happens a lot on here, hell I've gotten pretty steamed about things people say on here a few times.

I tried to go on a date with a guy who was from the Philippines. Nice guy but very quickly I could tell there is no way things would ever work. Just too foreign of a culture for it to really work for me. Just a totally different perspective, nothing against him. Kind of like the old days when you couldn't take a floppy disk from a Macintosh and use it in a PC, just simply didn't work.

I think a lot of what you mention parallels with intuition, because things like body language, facial expressions and so on really do have an effect on how we feel about someone, what their intentions are....whether they're good or bad and so on...

[Gemini]

This hasn't been my experience. I move on to touch pretty early in the phase, and I have had only positive experience where that is concerned. Guys like to be touched, from what I've seen.

Touch is also an excellent way to express what you feel. Way better than words.

Maybe I should have been more specific. What I dislike is a guy who's known me for a grand total of 4 1/2 minutes grabbing my ass or running his hand up my thigh til his fingers brush my dick. What that's expressing to me is, he's looking for a quick fuck and would I please stop talking and just put out.

Touching that's a natural part of an actual conversation can be nice.

[InbetweenDreams]

Maybe I should have been more specific. What I dislike is a guy who's known me for a grand total of 4 1/2 minutes grabbing my ass or running his hand up my thigh til his fingers brush my dick. What that's expressing to me is, he's looking for a quick fuck and would I please stop talking and just put out.

Touching that's a natural part of an actual conversation can be nice.

Well that was what I initially thought... When he said touch...I'm like what are we touching? lol Anyway, good the clarify.

Anyway, yeah that happens quite a bit. Especially at your age, much more common and harder for younger guys to contain themselves...it is just a hormone and maturity thing. At least that's my thinking on it. I am WAY more tame now than when I was...21-22 years old... I guess perspective changes too...or well it did for me.

Anyway yeah someone playing grab ass after meeting you is definitely inappropriate...

[Ibex]

Flirting isn't necessarily playing games though.
As I said, flirting can be as innocent as just having eye contact with the guy you're chatting with. Be interested in what he has to say, having eye contact with him is you showing him that you're interested.

Talking with another person, like the deep kind and for a long time, is apparently considered flirting, according to Wikihow at least.
Not if it's a shrink or job interview or whatever

Giving compliments isn't a game.
I gave the guy at the nerd store some compliments today. Told him he looks good with the bald and the beard xD
He does actually. He looks younger than 40 years old. Too young to already have grey beard, but he looks good with it.