How Do You Feel About Monogamy?

[JohnMusic]

Not sure where this is coming from, I didn't talk about cheating or advocate cheating in my post. I agree that cheaters suck. My point is, maybe there would be less cheating if people got to know each other really well before they rushed into a commitment.

sorry. i misunderstood the question.

[larafan25]

A relationship with one person? Impossible! Unless you're a loner.

Which is okay tbh

[meridannight]

Whether I want a monogamous or an open relationship depends on whom I am in a relationship with, and also his wishes. I don't have this preconceived notion that I have to be in a monogamous or an open relationship. I want to be with a man, is all I know. And different men are different, and different relationships work differently. I can see an open relationship working in the long run if both partners are committed to the relationship and one another, and not to the notion of somehow having it both ways -- the relationship and all the sex on the side.

That's not how I see open relationships anyway. It's still a relationship, and both better be aware of it. It does not mean that you have license to sleep around with whomever you please whenever you please. Although that is probably how it is thought of mostly. Your primary responsibility is to your partner, and if he doesn't like what you're doing you better get your priorities straight. Open relationship does not equal bachelorhood with a partner.

My current partner and I are in an open relationship because that's the way it works for us. There are no specific reasons why it's like that. That's just the way it came to be.

I don't feel particularly inclined to sleep around, even in an open relationship, (and I definitely don't need variety or different flesh) but I do meet men and connect with them, and things happen. Sometimes I do get an itch, though, so to say. But it is easier to scratch that itch myself, than to pass on having sex with a man I feel connected to. That's where my weakness lies, I guess. It's why I think I am capable of cheating. I tend to connect with men very strongly, and I have no moral bounds holding me back.

I do know that I want to settle down with one man and make a life with him. I didn't feel like that till my late 20s. It's now that this drive is really kicking in for me.

[TigerLover]

Monogamy is obviously not impossible for gay men, that's among the dumbest hypothatheories I've ever heard and probably started as somebody's frail excuse for being a man-slut.

That said I've a very strong aversion to monogamy. I really enjoy sex and meeting new sexual partners is thrilling. I love playing with new bodies and brains.... in a non-serial killer way.

In my experience damn near everyone has a different approach to sex and I want to sample them all. A mission aided by the fact that I've got very diverse tastes in men.

But even if I suddenly lost that drive to explore; monogamy would still be a really bad deal for me. My partner gets all the security and reassurance he needs but what's in it for me, I don't need either of those things. I can't imagine ever caring what my partner does with his body as long as he keeps it safe and healthy. So hell no, I'm not trading in my sexual freedom for some psychological pat on the back.

Though honestly I harbour some secret hopes that I'll 'mature' someday and want a monogamous relationship. That I will love a man so much I'll want to bind us as closely as possible and my sexual freedom will seem like a petty price to pay. I'll be all his and he'll be all mine and it will be ever so sweet.

But until that day.
Any1 in cov up 4 meets. Can accom.

[Cridders88]

Open relationships can work with good communication and both partners being on an equal footing, and them being in a strong and stable relationship. I have thought about how I would feel to be in an open relationship before, and I always come back to wanting a monogamous relationship only. Kudos to those in working open relationships however, whatever works for the people involved . It's just not me.

I do agree with [MENTION=23954]Gemini[/MENTION]'s original point however. It is easy to rush in to a relationship before you truly know that person, and getting to know someone takes time. You've got to make sure it is right (or at least right at the time, because things can change of course). Only when that feeling is there on both sides, do I then class myself as in a monogamous relationship. That has happened to me once in my lifetime so far. I do find it difficult though to date more than one person at a time (though I have done before), not because I feel I am being unfaithful or that I am in a relationship after a date or two, but if I've had a few dates and am getting on well with someone, I prefer to focus my attention on them, getting to know them more and spending time with them.

[LJay]

Well, I am not ambidextrous so I seem not to have a choice.

[Gideon]

I've heard alot of people say that monogamy is impossible, doesn't exist, is hard...but thing is? For me I'm just not -interested- in anyone else. I'm not tempted to try something new...cause I get something -new- in him every single day.

He manages, without -trying- to be anything but himself, to be everything I want and all I need. He makes it feel brand new, even 8 years later...

[MikeW]

... I don't think that monogamy is impossible. I just think that people enter into it too quickly and too lightly, with no real understanding of what it actually means. ...

I agree with everything you've said. To me it is a sign of maturity that you realize all this about yourself.

As for myself, I've been in both open and monogamous relationships. They each have their merits and challenges.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I've heard alot of people say that monogamy is impossible, doesn't exist, is hard...but thing is? For me I'm just not -interested- in anyone else. I'm not tempted to try something new...cause I get something -new- in him every single day.

He manages, without -trying- to be anything but himself, to be everything I want and all I need. He makes it feel brand new, even 8 years later...

So you never dated anyone else, try on other trousers BEFORE you met him? And assuming that that hadn't happened, what if (Lord Forbid) that he dies from some ailment or accident in the next few years, are you 100% certain that you will not eventually love again?

Humans are not by their nature monogamus. Meaning humans are capable of being in more than one "partnership" or pair bonding. If that didn't happen humans as a species would have failed epically...

Which is partial answer to the First Question.

While I practice faithfulness and what we call monogamy with I'm with a partner, I have been with more than one partner in my life time which means I am not monogamus to the full meaning of the word.

And, I'm sorry to say, I find that mongamy is a lost ancient rite, something that may haave happen before human records, but human records make it clear that humans are a species that cheats like hell, going all the way back to the Summarian Clay tablets.

In today's world monogamy has less currency value. Like the US dollar, its confidence is lacking and since it ain't backed with gold (or silver) Again like the US dollar, it is worthless and has no real significant meaning to or for the majority of humans.

Granted some of us refuse to cheat on our partner, but that is SOME not all. Many actually do cheat, more often than not cheat often and with a variety of people.

Monogamy is yet one more fairy-tale instead of fact. Its a thing we wish for, such as witches who can bake and serve up tasty oven roasted chilren (yum yum), but doesn't actually take place (dammit, I made stuffing tonight, no young flesh to dine upon with it, had to settle for chicken... again).

FEw couples stay together for life. Few - very few. Whilst I started off long long ago in search of my life long mate, I fear 7 mates later I'm still looking. Well I lied, I have finally stopped looking and stopped desiring a parnter/mate, whatever. Far less expensive, far less cleaning and cooking and far less black eyes both physical and emotional.

[LJay]

I persist in the belief that monogamy is vastly preferable over celibacy.