Fobo

[InbetweenDreams]

I get that self confidence helps but I think there is way more to it than that...

I always feel like I am a compromise, or the other way around, like someone can find someone "better"

Keep in mind its not like I am in some sort of relationship with anyone but I can just talk to someone and I get maybe...two days? A week and then they stop talking, or I get put into the "friend zone."

If could feel any more mediocre....

If it is money, someone has more of it. If it is looks, someone is better looking. If it is personality, someone is more charming.

Doesn't seem to matter what I try, even if I just be myself...never good enough for anyone.

[Dan1980]

I get that self confidence helps but I think there is way more to it than that...

I always feel like I am a compromise, or the other way around, like someone can find someone "better"

Keep in mind its not like I am in some sort of relationship with anyone but I can just talk to someone and I get maybe...two days? A week and then they stop talking, or I get put into the "friend zone."

If could feel any more mediocre....

If it is money, someone has more of it. If it is looks, someone is better looking. If it is personality, someone is more charming.

Doesn't seem to matter what I try, even if I just be myself...never good enough for anyone.

I know what you mean. I am always told things will get better, but they don't.

[artyboy]

Bugger that, don't listen to other people, you only get ahead by doing it yourself. I'm fed up of waiting for others. I've been waiting years to go on a proper holiday but no seems to want to go with me so I'm going to book a holiday and do it on my own if needed (I'm disabled mind you so will need help so it's going to be a challenge to do on my own).

[InbetweenDreams]

I know what you mean. I am always told things will get better, but they don't.

Or the classic, you're still young...there's still time...

I've been getting that for like...10 years lol

I guess it might help if I did live in a city but I can't confirm that. I have been wrong a few times on things.

I mean I suppose I could just go after sex...maybe I'll find some kind of companionship there since chivalry fell on its sword.

Bugger that, don't listen to other people, you only get ahead by doing it yourself. I'm fed up of waiting for others. I've been waiting years to go on a proper holiday but no seems to want to go with me so I'm going to book a holiday and do it on my own if needed (I'm disabled mind you so will need help so it's going to be a challenge to do on my own).

Well it's not so much people say it. It's just the outcomes of things, that leads me to feel this way.

I suppose I could use a vacation, like a real vacation, not just visiting family and so on... I've always felt that me trying to do all that alone would just make me feel worse. I suppose I just need to plan exactly what I am going to do and I guess just make the best of it.

I had a friend who went out to the Western US by himself, he seemed to really enjoy it. I just feel like I would be very lonely, maybe I am wrong and would like it.

Ehhh...and then there is a whole money thing and me wanting to go back to school...

Or I could say fuck that since there is the likelihood that going to school, taking out loans and all that, even if I do get a degree will more than likely not get me a job that makes much more than I do now and then have a pile of debt to pay. Not liking that outcome. They had some younger people they were interviewing about POTUS and one of them said they were going to have $200,000 in student loans. I'm like....you're never going to pay that off... I'm whinning about maybe $20,000 and that's a lot of money to have looming over you. Student loans in this country are ran by a bunch of loan sharks called the government. You cannot get away from it. They will come after everything you have.

Anyway. It is like I know what I want in life, sort of, but I just don't seem to be getting anywhere.

Sometimes, I get so damn pissed off about everything... I feel like I'm circling the drain and just rather say to hell with it all. Fuck having a life.

[SilverBullet]

You have many inner struggles and I dont think you love/care about yourself. The opposite really. You never miss a chance to down yourself and point out your flaws to any and everyone. The above picture does not mean love yourself more than anyone else, it simply means to love yourself to some degree. Take pride in yourself and maybe rather than tell someone everything wrong in your life, tell them the good things, your accomplishments, aspirations and things you enjoy.

It seems you are on a constant cycle of feel slightly better (one step forward) something negative happens and you take three steps back and you talk about other guys as if they are some pillar to your happiness. I would suggest some soul searching, find some relaxation, take some breaths avoid negative situations until you get back on your feet and your head back on right.

I imagine you like a rigid board, I think if someone asked you to grab their ass or told you it was fine you would probably instantly have 3000 doubts even though all that needs to be known was layed out on the table just prior. Find what makes you confidant and get it. find what makes you happy BESIDES a bf and DO IT but most importantly figure out a way to calm yourself and find some relaxation. you desearve some RandR I have a feeling if you manage to find some form of happy place and stop worrying about all these guys time will go by faster and you will find someone when you wasnt even looking!

*heres a secret* We all have things that are our weaknesses, our regrets and our utter failures. No one on this earth is with ought their demons but the big difference people make is weather or not to let those faults define them.


just for you

[artyboy]

Got to love captain Picard lol!!

Sorry from a disabled persons view you got things quite good. Maining you can still walk, get up and down stairs. I cant use stairs anymore quite depressing if you think about it. In other words go up them stairs and see what I cant lol!

If I dwell on the things I cant do any more I'll miss out on things I can do.

In my dreams I'm still able to run along a beach, go camping and see the stars at night laying in a middle of a field.

The only person at the end of the day that can make things happen is you. Fuck it, fail and get up. Easy said than done but you got to keep trying, what else have you to lose.

[InbetweenDreams]

Well I think my biggest problem is that I think too much and worry too much. I internalize everything and then I guess feel like everything that goes wrong is my fault, or a fault of mine.

I don't know why I dwell on "wanting a bf" perhaps it is having all these dating apps and seeing photos of other couples being happy, having kids, being further along in their life than I am. However, I don't know that it is so much that I need a bf, maybe a partner in crime sort to speak. I have friends but it isn't all of what I need, it is more like hang out and drink kind of friends. I can't talk to anyone about things I like, interested in, my other hobbies....Not too many people really get it about amateur radio or programming or any of that...


Also, venting about things on GS is nice...but maybe not the best way to deal with things either.

Eh you're right though. A guy could tell me to grab his ass and I would be like..."Are you sure?" lol

I've always been like that though, I'm bad about making moves like that, not saying I haven't made the first move. Part of me wants to, the other part of me doesn't want the other guy thinking that I think of him being a slab of meat either.... unless that is the sole purpose. I don't know, just have had so many bad experiences with guys.

The only other thing I can think of doing is trying anxiety/depression meds again. Or maybe try going back to the gym, which I have been paying for but not using. Maybe just need to get into the swing of things...

[Gemini]

I look at your picture and think, Hmmm...good looking guy.

I read your advice to other people and think, This guy is smart. Insightful. Funny.

Then I read what you say about yourself, and the disconnect sets in. Like, Huh? Are my impressions all wrong?

IDK, I'm hardly qualified to give anyone advice, I don't know anything about meds, though I do think the gym is a great idea. I find that exercise always puts me in a more positive frame of mind. I wish I had more wisdom to impart. Just, I hope you find a way to feel more positive about yourself because it's true that people tend to project the way they feel inside.

[InbetweenDreams]

I look at your picture and think, Hmmm...good looking guy.

I read your advice to other people and think, This guy is smart. Insightful. Funny.

Then I read what you say about yourself, and the disconnect sets in. Like, Huh? Are my impressions all wrong?

IDK, I'm hardly qualified to give anyone advice, I don't know anything about meds, though I do think the gym is a great idea. I find that exercise always puts me in a more positive frame of mind. I wish I had more wisdom to impart. Just, I hope you find a way to feel more positive about yourself because it's true that people tend to project the way they feel inside.

Yeah it usually helps me. So here's sort of why I haven't been going. Wednesday night is the swim night where they have a class sort to speak. Well I was kind of put off by the whole thing where I couldn't get people do really help me on the swimming. Like the group does drills but it's old old guy who can't really do much, nothing against him. He's a nice guy and does help but I needed someone back in the summer to swim in the lake with me...so I don't get hit by boats and whatnot...

Well then I was approached by one of the guys at the Early College and a student was interested in learning Phython. Well she has been off and on for the last 2 months and I can't go to the gym and swim because I don't know if she will show up or not.

Then there was the bit where I thought I had a UTI or something...turned out to be too much coffee and went away when I followed the doctor's advice and stopped drinking coffee...then I had stomach trouble for a while... Now I am supposed to go have a colonoscopy done which I am thinking of rescheduling possibly because I am starting to think I don't really need one. So between not feeling well for one bit and then the tutoring I have not done much of anything... Now the time changed (daylight savings time ended). So not going to be doing much after work since it will be dark when I get off, so my only choice now is the gym.

I do think since it has been so long since I have done anything...I basically need to start from square one. Like treadmill stuff and maybe a little bit of swimming just for fun at first. I suppose if the weekends are nice and not cold I don't see any reason why I can't go for a bike ride somewhere...Outside of it being cold in the mornings, the weekends are a good time to ride around this area, lot less traffic.

However, it is really was me being lazy. After the triathlon it was just one for the books sort to speak and was taking a break...well that break lasted a little too long lol

[Camfer]

For absolutely everyone on this forum, there is someone prettier and someone richer. There is someone in better shape. There is someone with a nicer car, a nicer home. There is someone with a better diet, someone who takes nicer vacations. There is someone smarter and someone with a better social repartee.

And you know what? None of that is any barrier to your own happiness. It is the human condition.

Comparing yourself to others to confirm your sense of being "lesser" or of being "better" is a habit worth leaving behind. Recognize it when you do it. See if you can refrain from following that train of thought as soon as you recognize it.

Establishing a habit of going to the gym sounds like an awesome idea. A good thing to do after work in winter. It will help destress you, get you out of the house, and help you meet some people in a non-work non-bar setting. It could well lift your mood.

It takes a few months to develop a new positive habit, so you might have to figure out a workout routine that you actually find enjoyable. It is a lot easier to do something because you like to do it rather than doing something because you ought to do it.