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11-14-2016, 01:26 AM

Something else springs to mind. Overtexting is like SPAM. The more you get, the harder it is to get rid of it (or to read it all, and answer it all). Find the right balance, discuss it with him. Know what to expect from him and he should know what to expect of you. But remember that texting him all the time may equate with an invasion of privacy and / or an infringement on his freedom and personal space.

11-14-2016, 01:29 PM

Thanks for all the advice guys!

Just a short update:

So I dropped him a text last night just a really simple 'Hey, how was your weekend?'. He replied saying it had been ok and he cooked for his flat mates, so I took that opportunity to lead onto asking if he still fancied getting something to eat or something this week, as it seemed like a natural progression. He said he's busy all this week and apologised for being a pain, but next week looks better for him. I said next week sounds good, and asked if any day was best - I'm at uni myself and I work, so I do actually kinda need to know, and it'd be nice to have a date to look forward to. Anyhow he hasn't replied to that so still not sure.

Communicating with him is hard work, and I feel like it shouldn't be like that? Seems the balls in his court again, but I feel it's not going to go anywhere to be honest. We'll see. I totally get going slow, personally I just think a tad more effort needs to come from his side.

Cridders88 · 11-14-2016, 02:24 PM

DEFINITELY do not text him again now and wait for him to get back to you. Perhaps he does not know what day is best for him just yet, and you are talking next week here so you do have time to organise what day would be best.

You said he was nervous and wants to take things slow, but I do agree it shouldn't feel like hard work communicating with him. Perhaps it takes him a while to warm up so to speak, everyone is different. Give him a chance (if you still want to), but do wait for him to get back to you this time.

11-14-2016, 02:32 PM

Cridders88 Wrote:DEFINITELY do not text him again now and wait for him to get back to you. Perhaps he does not know what day is best for him just yet, and you are talking next week here so you do have time to organise what day would be best.

You said he was nervous and wants to take things slow, but I do agree it shouldn't feel like hard work communicating with him. Perhaps it takes him a while to warm up so to speak, everyone is different. Give him a chance (if you still want to), but do wait for him to get back to you this time.

Yeah definitely will let him take the lead now. I was just, worried he'd thought I had lost interest - as much as I was sat there thinking 'hmm he hasn't text' I was thinking, what if he's doing the same thing. Anyway, he knows I'd like to see him again, and on the face of it he seems to want to... but yeah, definitely up to him now.

Yeah it shouldn't feel like hard work, but, it does sadly. It's not 'natural' there's no sort of natural flow to it, when I message him I feel like I'm a nuisance.

Cridders88 · 11-14-2016, 02:43 PM

Flyerboy95 Wrote:Yeah definitely will let him take the lead now. I was just, worried he'd thought I had lost interest - as much as I was sat there thinking 'hmm he hasn't text' I was thinking, what if he's doing the same thing. Anyway, he knows I'd like to see him again, and on the face of it he seems to want to... but yeah, definitely up to him now.

Yeah it shouldn't feel like hard work, but, it does sadly. It's not 'natural' there's no sort of natural flow to it, when I message him I feel like I'm a nuisance.

I think he definitely knows you're interested, so there should be no worry about that now Smile

I know what you mean. My dating experience is fairly limited compared to some, but unless the first date was a complete disaster I always go for a second date, some of the nerves have subsided a little by then and you see a little bit more of the real person. You have only been on one date after all. If the conversation between dates still doesn't flow after a second date, then I'd be thinking about calling it a day. I do think you definitely find out a lot more about someone and whether you are actually both interested in each other after a second date IMO.

11-14-2016, 02:47 PM

Cridders88 Wrote:I think he definitely knows you're interested, so there should be no worry about that now

I know what you mean. My dating experience is fairly limited compared to some, but unless the first date was a complete disaster I always go for a second date, some of the nerves have subsided a little by then and you see a little bit more of the real person. You have only been on one date after all. If the conversation between dates still doesn't flow after a second date, then I'd be thinking about calling it a day. I do think you definitely find out a lot more about someone and whether you are actually both interested in each other after a second date IMO.

Yeah he must know I'm interested by now haha!

My dating experience is limited too. I actually really enjoyed the date with him last week, I felt relaxed with him almost from the second he sat in my car when I picked him up, which was nice. Looking back now, I don't think I picked up on just how nervous he was, stumbling over his words quite a bit etc. As he's said, it's very new to him so I've got to just respect that - as I've said going slow is fine, it's when you've come to a stop that I get a bit fed up. I think he's also got to appreciate that if he's interested in me, he needs to make some effort. Wanting to go slow doesn't excuse making no effort at all, in my opinion. Only time will tell though.

If we do go on a date again, do you think actually asking him about his texting habits is a good idea? Because at the moment I'm just second guessing a lot of this.

Cridders88 · 11-14-2016, 02:59 PM

Flyerboy95 Wrote:If we do go on a date again, do you think actually asking him about his texting habits is a good idea? Because at the moment I'm just second guessing a lot of this.

You are second guessing a lot of this indeed, but at the same time I don't think, on date 2, it would be a good idea to ask him about why he is slow to reply or doesn't contact you for a day or so. It is very early days and you asking this could be misconstrued as confrontational IMO. Maybe a question for later if you have been on a few dates and things still feel the same. Because by then I really would be questioning whether he was into me or not. It is still very early, so personally, I wouldn't bring that up at this point.

Dan1980 · 11-14-2016, 03:05 PM

Flyerboy95 Wrote:Yeah he must know I'm interested by now haha!

My dating experience is limited too. I actually really enjoyed the date with him last week, I felt relaxed with him almost from the second he sat in my car when I picked him up, which was nice. Looking back now, I don't think I picked up on just how nervous he was, stumbling over his words quite a bit etc. As he's said, it's very new to him so I've got to just respect that - as I've said going slow is fine, it's when you've come to a stop that I get a bit fed up. I think he's also got to appreciate that if he's interested in me, he needs to make some effort. Wanting to go slow doesn't excuse making no effort at all, in my opinion. Only time will tell though.

If we do go on a date again, do you think actually asking him about his texting habits is a good idea? Because at the moment I'm just second guessing a lot of this.

You can ask him if he minds you texting him. I understand where your coming from, it's good going slow as you shouldn't rush into anything but you do need to understand what Is going on.

11-14-2016, 03:08 PM

Cridders88 Wrote:You are second guessing a lot of this indeed, but at the same time I don't think, on date 2, it would be a good idea to ask him about why he is slow to reply or doesn't contact you for a day or so. It is very early days and you asking this could be misconstrued as confrontational IMO. Maybe a question for later if you have been on a few dates and things still feel the same. Because by then I really would be questioning whether he was into me or not. It is still very early, so personally, I wouldn't bring that up at this point.

Yeah maybe it's not best to ask that then - this is what I mean by it not just flowing though, I feel I have to really think my every move through and weigh up what reaction it might cause, and actually it takes the fun out of what should be a fun process of getting to know somebody.

We'll see if he follows through now and makes some effort. About a month ago before he got back in touch last week, when we almost met but he was seeing friends or not, it was a month since I heard back from him - I have a funny feeling the same will happen again, but I'm a pessimist after all Shakin

11-14-2016, 03:10 PM

Dan1980 Wrote:You can ask him if he minds you texting him. I understand where your coming from, it's good going slow as you shouldn't rush into anything but you do need to understand what Is going on.

Yeah that's exactly my feeling, I want to go slow too, if I'm going to end up in a committed relationship with someone, I want it to be right - experienced guys who are just a waste of time and I don't want to go there again - which is probably why I'm so eager to know if this is going anywhere!