Who did you come out to?

[Zen]

My wife, 5 months ago. Still figuring my way through it!!

[RomanticMan]

She's right. How long have you been out?

Sorry I didnt get any notification and newly noticed your post. I've been out to her for 4-5 months.

[Emiliano]

My mom outed me before I had the chance to come out.

[LJay]

[MENTION=24253]Zen[/MENTION], you are all charm, man. It will be OK. Are you able to look inside and not allow it to be a problem there?
[MENTION=21558]Emiliano[/MENTION], when was this?

[Emiliano]

[MENTION=24253]Zen[/MENTION], you are all charm, man. It will be OK. Are you able to look inside and not allow it to be a problem there?
[MENTION=21558]Emiliano[/MENTION], when was this?

I think I was 15. Maybe 16.

[LJay]

So, on balance, do you think that made late adolescence more bearable?

[meridannight]

No one, and everyone. I live my life as I see fit and let others draw their own conclusions. Those that ask get an honest answer. I've done it that way from the start.

Exactly the same here. I don't usually go out to specifically tell, but if I'm asked I tell the truth. I have no problem with people knowing.

I have told guys who I felt should know. Two of my best friends, for example. Neither of them ever had a problem, and both took it well from the beginning. And it made things better for me, because I can openly comment on other guys with them, and joke about sexual matters in the right context (both of my best friends are heterosexual).

Then, I've let some other guys know, when the opportunity has presented itself, and it felt right. A few months ago I was chatting with guys I see a lot professionally; we happened to be on some topic about female dancers, and the guys (3 of them) looked at me for some input on the subject, and I told them flat out not to expect me to contribute anything to the subject at hand, I didn't know anything about that. Again, after that things are better and more open between us. Although we're not exactly friends, we can joke about things and have it in the right context. Next time I saw them, they made a joke in a gay context all on their own. It's small stuff when I describe it here, but I like it when things are open and honest. At least with guys I like and who are more or less closer to me.

Then, there have been a couple of guys who claimed they knew from when they first met me that I was gay. I haven't really asked them what it was that made them so sure. When I questioned one of them about it, he said it wasn't anything specific, that he just has a gaydar and can tell when he meets a gay man.


I told my mom a long time ago, but she thinks it's all a phase and I haven't met the right girl yet. I don't really care if she believes me or not, her opinion doesn't matter to me so I never took the subject up after that. I told her, it was the truth, that's all there is.


I do wish I had a dad I could talk to about this whole subject. I'd like that, and it's something that is more important to me. But I didn't get that option in life.

[Zen]

[MENTION=24253]Zen[/MENTION], you are all charm, man. It will be OK. Are you able to look inside and not allow it to be a problem there?
[MENTION=21558]Emiliano[/MENTION], when was this?

Thanks mate! Haha! I'm hoping so, don't want to ruin a good thing! But so much happier admitting that I'm queer, and that's just fine!

[Emiliano]

So, on balance, do you think that made late adolescence more bearable?

I don't know, I guess so, but not that I think I'd have hidden it or lied about it otherwise. I never made an effort to pretend I wasn't gay, never dated a girl or anything like that. I also have a very loving, supportive family in every other aspect, so I don't think I ever would have worried in the same way some do about being rejected by their family or kicked out for being gay. From about age 9-15 I was going through a lot of shit, those were sort of my dark years, and I wasn't very sexual or social at all. I had an idea I was gay but it wasn't a burden on my mind compared to my preteen existential crisis.

I think I was just mortified by my mom outing me because I tend to be private about all that kind of stuff. The rest of my family is not. So just the fact that my sister and my mom were discussing trying to get me laid (the conversation came up because my sister thought it was time I lost my virginity) and that my mom knew something about me that I had never vocalized to her or anyone else... I mean it made me want to drown myself in my cereal bowl. I'm not exactly a prude, but I'm a very private person in a family of very openly sexual women. I've talked about my crazy family and their obsession with my sex life before on here.

Whether my family knew or not didn't really affect how I related it to my peers and friends though. Again, just because of how I'm private about my personal life, my sexuality doesn't come up much in day to day conversations. But if someone asks me, I say I'm gay.

[LJay]

[MENTION=21558]Emiliano[/MENTION], I can see how that would work on the head of a guy at that age. Sounds like your mother dodged a lot of family pressure for you.