Had a successful date (I think!)

[Flyerboy95]

Maybe there isn't one?

Frankly, to me, "texting" is very adolescent. You, being in your early 2os, are to be forgiven... but to me? It's the equivalent of teenagers passing notes in school ... and this "should I or shouldn't I or what does it mean or not mean????" is just kind of, IDK, weird.

ADULTS (LOL... not that I have ever truly been one) shouldn't OBSESS about silly stuff like that.

Speak your truth and trust him and trust yourself. If you want to text him, well, fuck, do it. LOL. Trust that if you get overly anxious and needing of too much reassurance and start bugging the fuck out of him he'll TELL you. The worst that could happen is he'll just block you right?

I don't mean to sound overly flippant but, seriously, you're on cloud 9 right now and freaking out. You need to take some serious deep breaths and chill, dude!

Haha I'm 21, so I'm forgiven I guess I think for me, texting and asking how his day has been or something is, just, well nice. It would make me feel appreciated if I was asked that. I feel it's a way of me showing I care about him and want to know how his day was. I DO want to text him, I just know I'd feel better if he text me first, so I think I'll hold out. What's going on in my mind now is that he's said he wants someone he's interested in to make an effort with him, and I don't want him to think me not getting in touch is me not making an effort. Maybe I'm massively over thinking it all, AGAIN.

Haha - I do need to stop freaking out, but I just can't help myself!

[MikeW]

...Haha - I do need to stop freaking out, but I just can't help myself!

LOL... so I see

It's ok. Just remember, life is about balance and cycles.

[Flyerboy95]

So, I'm pretty sure I've almost certainly messed things up with this lad already.

Yesterday I asked him whether he minded texting or if it annoyed him, because I didn't want to get on his nerves. He said he doesn't mind texting but won't always be able to apply immediately, but always will reply even if it's a few hours later. I said I totally get that because I can't always reply straight away either.

He said I need to stop worrying, and be excited about the opportunities opening here and stop worrying about hypothetical problems that haven't happened and may not happen. He's right, but I just can't. I've woken up this morning and checked my phone, it's just pathetic. I feel like messaging him and just saying let's just leave it, because I feel like I'm going to just ruin things anyway. I don't want that - I wish I could just RELAX and enjoy it for what it is. We've had one date! Why am I expecting so much?

I just hope I haven't already ruined things, he hasn't said I have, I guess it's me worrying AGAIN.

[InbetweenDreams]

I don't think you've messed things up but most importantly STOP worrying about screwing up, we're human, we're going to screw things up, even he will make mistakes...probably with you as well.

You sound like me, oh about this time last year and I made a mistake. Now being hopeful and excited is fine but you can't go on worrying because the things you're worried about probably aren't crossing this guys mind.

As far as texting, it can itself become a problem that doesn't seem like a problem. Like it is ok for a little bit of small talk, like I texted someone Merry Christmas and to drive safely. I was not expecting a reply per say but sometimes it is nice to send a text or get a message like that. The best thing is to talk in person or talk and forth in an email, something where you can get more than a line or two in, helps put more meaning behind what you're saying, not just a quick message where you're expecting an immediate reply.

What I can say is that it takes a long time to get to know someone. I've known someone for quite a while and still getting to know them and frankly it is something that doesn't really end.

My advice is you might want to take some of your attention away from him, not saying to stop talking to him or anything like that but a distraction.

Here's what I can say, in the last year I've learned not only a lot about someone who I think is awesome and special but a lot about myself, a lot about what I need to work on to become a good partner, to worry less and accept whatever may happen, to doubting myself. It is hard not to think about fucking things up, about getting overly worried and putting them on a pedestal as if they're perfect or something. No one is perfect, everyone has their issues, shortcomings, demons, and having a huge crush on someone blinds you to all that. Now, my thinking is that regardless of that fact I do feel that in my case to me they're pretty darn special for many reasons and well worth it to me to both be the best friend I can possibly be to them and to accept the fact that there may very well not be anything beyond friendship.... But god damn if there's any hope for me I would do whatever I can to be their best partner they could ever have...

Just cannot press the issue, let things spawn and grow naturally, without forcing it.

[Darius]

Hopefully, the explanation for why you are acting this way is your inexperience.
You are falling too quickly for someone you really don't know, so slow your brain down.
A real danger of excessive texting is to come across as clingy and needy. Clingy is a very unattractive
trait to most people because it smacks of desperation.
So, go jack off and calm down.

[Cridders88]

Ok Flyerboy, you may not want to hear this, but do you think you are ready for this? Dating, in view to a relationship? It seems you have some self esteem issues and issues perhaps from your previous bad experiences to work through first. You are constantly worrying about things and have even mentioned calling it off already, when things seem to be going fone and dandy, at least in the other guy's eyes. This implies to me that you aren't ready at all. Just my opinion of course, but it sounds like you need to do some work on yourself first mr.

[Flyerboy95]

I don't think you've messed things up but most importantly STOP worrying about screwing up, we're human, we're going to screw things up, even he will make mistakes...probably with you as well.

You sound like me, oh about this time last year and I made a mistake. Now being hopeful and excited is fine but you can't go on worrying because the things you're worried about probably aren't crossing this guys mind.

As far as texting, it can itself become a problem that doesn't seem like a problem. Like it is ok for a little bit of small talk, like I texted someone Merry Christmas and to drive safely. I was not expecting a reply per say but sometimes it is nice to send a text or get a message like that. The best thing is to talk in person or talk and forth in an email, something where you can get more than a line or two in, helps put more meaning behind what you're saying, not just a quick message where you're expecting an immediate reply.

What I can say is that it takes a long time to get to know someone. I've known someone for quite a while and still getting to know them and frankly it is something that doesn't really end.

My advice is you might want to take some of your attention away from him, not saying to stop talking to him or anything like that but a distraction.

Here's what I can say, in the last year I've learned not only a lot about someone who I think is awesome and special but a lot about myself, a lot about what I need to work on to become a good partner, to worry less and accept whatever may happen, to doubting myself. It is hard not to think about fucking things up, about getting overly worried and putting them on a pedestal as if they're perfect or something. No one is perfect, everyone has their issues, shortcomings, demons, and having a huge crush on someone blinds you to all that. Now, my thinking is that regardless of that fact I do feel that in my case to me they're pretty darn special for many reasons and well worth it to me to both be the best friend I can possibly be to them and to accept the fact that there may very well not be anything beyond friendship.... But god damn if there's any hope for me I would do whatever I can to be their best partner they could ever have...

Just cannot press the issue, let things spawn and grow naturally, without forcing it.

Wow, thanks for such a detailed and thought out reply . I'm working the rest of the week really long intense shifts so I won't even be able to physically sit and check my phone or message him, but like today's shift, all I wanted to do was finish and check my phone, and felt dissapointed to have not heard from him - that sounds really childish and stupid, maybe it is, maybe I am!

You say to let things grow naturally, but right now, I feel I'm not being 'natural'. Because my natural self wants to text him and say 'Wow what a hectic shift at work that was', but because he never ended up replying to the last of our conversation last night, I'm stopping myself because I think if he hasn't replied from last night's messages he either 1) hasn't had time or 2) doesn't want to speak to me/finds me annoying. So there's nothing 'natural' here, I'm changing what I would naturally do.

[Flyerboy95]

Hopefully, the explanation for why you are acting this way is your inexperience.
You are falling too quickly for someone you really don't know, so slow your brain down.
A real danger of excessive texting is to come across as clingy and needy. Clingy is a very unattractive
trait to most people because it smacks of desperation.
So, go jack off and calm down.

I think it's a combination of having bad experiences, and also that I rush in too fast and expect too much way too soon.

[Flyerboy95]

Ok Flyerboy, you may not want to hear this, but do you think you are ready for this? Dating, in view to a relationship? It seems you have some self esteem issues and issues perhaps from your previous bad experiences to work through first. You are constantly worrying about things and have even mentioned calling it off already, when things seem to be going fone and dandy, at least in the other guy's eyes. This implies to me that you aren't ready at all. Just my opinion of course, but it sounds like you need to do some work on yourself first mr.

Honestly, I think I am. I just think I still have some bad habits. I ended a 1 month relationship the start of this year with a really nice guy because I wasn't ready for the intensity of a relatioship. But I don't feel like that now, I feel ready and want a relationship.

I do need to work on myself, I wouldn't even know where to begin. I worry, I overthink, I second guess - I don't know how to stop doing that. Let me give you an example. Last night when we were talking, he didn't end up replying to my last couple of messages, which I'm guessing is he fell asleep as he'd mentioned being tired. I expected him to reply this morning (as that's what I would do) but he hasn't, I haven't heard from him. All that goes through my head is either 'you annoy him and he doesn't want to speak to you' or 'he's had enough of you worrying and you won't hear from him again.' Even thouh he's said he will be very open and if I upset him he would let me know, so I think I'm just creating things that aren't there. But this is the issue I have, it's mental torture.

[MikeW]

I just hope I haven't already ruined things, he hasn't said I have, I guess it's me worrying AGAIN.

I like your guy a lot. I mean, so far as I can tell, he's being honest and straightforward with you.

You apparently have some social anxiety issues around dating. That's not uncommon, you know. But the question is, what to do about it? For sure, I'd MUCH rather see you expressing your anxiety here to us that TO HIM. It's a good thing (I think) that you haven't contacted him saying what you said to us... to call this whole thing off cause you're just going to screw it up. I mean, even if that DOES turn out to be the case... this is an opportunity for you to try and NOT do that.

So... How can we help you? How can we help you relax and do what he is saying (and we're saying too), just enjoy what you have and stop worrying about the future?