Had a successful date (I think!)

[Flyerboy95]

There's just one thing I can't get my head around. When we last text he said I should never feel worried about texting him and that he'd always reply even if it were a few hours later. Why say that, then coming up on 2 days since then he hasn't replied? That just doesn't make sense to me, and has alarm bells ringing in my head.

[InbetweenDreams]

You have two choices, you can text him again or wait and see if he texts you back... Me I wait anymore, I used to be the one who texted back but if they don't as crushing of a feeling as it may be not worth it to be upset about someone who drops you.

[Flyerboy95]

*slaps own face repeatedly very very hard*

This guy, is so patient and understanding. He'd been busy - I'd been worrying over nothing. That's it now, I'm doing my best to draw a line under past bad experiences and focus on the future, and the positive potential there is with this guy. Like he just said, if it works it works, but we'll only find that out if I have some trust and confidence in him.

*continues to slap self*

[MikeW]

*slaps own face repeatedly very very hard*

This guy, is so patient and understanding. He'd been busy - I'd been worrying over nothing. That's it now, I'm doing my best to draw a line under past bad experiences and focus on the future, and the positive potential there is with this guy. Like he just said, if it works it works, but we'll only find that out if I have some trust and confidence in him.

*continues to slap self*

LOL... (re slapping yourself)... But the thing is, in a good relationship you learn things about yourself. Hopefully you actually LEARN, which means you change how you deal with things.

Obsessing over someone isn't a healthy basis for a relationship. I do understand what you're going through. I have a similar situation myself.

I agree totally with [MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION],"[its] not worth it to be upset about someone who drops you."

You can't control what other people do or do not do. All you can control, potentially at lest, is how you react to whatever they do or do not do.

I always advise guys to not get overly emotionally invested too quickly. Doing so is a recepie for hurt. You put some energy out. Good. You get some back. You reply, he replies... so long as there is this 'back and forth', each contributing a bit of 'something' to the ongoing 'getting to know you'... its fine. But as soon as I'm trying to pull teeth? To make something happen that is just not happening?.... That's a red flag to me. He's "just not that into me"...

THEN... its all about how I deal with that. Has nothing to do with him. Has to do with how I feel about myself. If I take this rejection and hurt myself with it, use it as a means to say "you're old and all fucked up and nobody will ever want to spend time with you.... (etc)"... then that is MY self-abuse. I need to learn to not do that. Yeah, of course it 'hurts' to be rejected.... but I don't have to "go there" with it at all. If I can stay with who I am, knowing what I know about myself (the good, the bad, the ugly) and ACCEPT myself... then it really is "OK". Nothing has changed. I made an effort, I put myself out there, I didn't get the cookie I wanted. BUT... at least I tried... and did so in an honorable, self-respecting way.

What more can one do?

[Flyerboy95]

LOL... (re slapping yourself)... But the thing is, in a good relationship you learn things about yourself. Hopefully you actually LEARN, which means you change how you deal with things.

Obsessing over someone isn't a healthy basis for a relationship. I do understand what you're going through. I have a similar situation myself.

I agree totally with [MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION],"[its] not worth it to be upset about someone who drops you."

You can't control what other people do or do not do. All you can control, potentially at lest, is how you react to whatever they do or do not do.

I always advise guys to not get overly emotionally invested too quickly. Doing so is a recepie for hurt. You put some energy out. Good. You get some back. You reply, he replies... so long as there is this 'back and forth', each contributing a bit of 'something' to the ongoing 'getting to know you'... its fine. But as soon as I'm trying to pull teeth? To make something happen that is just not happening?.... That's a red flag to me. He's "just not that into me"...

THEN... its all about how I deal with that. Has nothing to do with him. Has to do with how I feel about myself. If I take this rejection and hurt myself with it, use it as a means to say "you're old and all fucked up and nobody will ever want to spend time with you.... (etc)"... then that is MY self-abuse. I need to learn to not do that. Yeah, of course it 'hurts' to be rejected.... but I don't have to "go there" with it at all. If I can stay with who I am, knowing what I know about myself (the good, the bad, the ugly) and ACCEPT myself... then it really is "OK". Nothing has changed. I made an effort, I put myself out there, I didn't get the cookie I wanted. BUT... at least I tried... and did so in an honorable, self-respecting way.

What more can one do?

So I think I've highlighted some of the issues I am struggling with, and I hope I can ask you guys some questions to try and help me sort them out.

So in terms of texting, the thing I struggle with, is when we first started talking, we would text for hours talking. But now, like tonight, we were texting and then he just stops replying, like he's not as interested in me as he was a few days ago. So my questions are:

1) is it normal after going on a face to face date to then not text as much after until the next date?

2) Is it normal to text more at the start when you don't really know each other and for that to then settle down once you've met?

3) If someone forgets to reply to you in a conversation over text, does it mean because you're not important to them/ they're not interested in you?

Hope those make sense.

[MikeW]

I'm on my way out the door so this will be blessedly brief

...1) is it normal after going on a face to face date to then not text as much after until the next date?

2) Is it normal to text more at the start when you don't really know each other and for that to then settle down once you've met?

3) If someone forgets to reply to you in a conversation over text, does it mean because you're not important to them/ they're not interested in you?

Hope those make sense.

In my experience, YES to all those questions; it is normal.

As for #3 ... you just don't know what someone else is dealing with. Yeah, sure, it could be a sign they're distracted by someone or something else... that they've just moved on or gotten bored with the conversation. But the point is you don't know.

This is one of the reasons I dislike text. You just do NOT know. It's quite different when you're WITH someone or you're on the phone or skyping with them. At least then you can SEE the other guy's body language. Or know whether they are in fact THERE or not.

Again, just don't over think it. This one guy I'm texting with... I only hear from him once a day and only late at night. BUT I *do* hear from him.. and I have to leave it at that.

[Darius]

If you want to talk to him, just call him, forget about texting long conversations.

[Flyerboy95]

I'm on my way out the door so this will be blessedly brief



In my experience, YES to all those questions; it is normal.

As for #3 ... you just don't know what someone else is dealing with. Yeah, sure, it could be a sign they're distracted by someone or something else... that they've just moved on or gotten bored with the conversation. But the point is you don't know.

This is one of the reasons I dislike text. You just do NOT know. It's quite different when you're WITH someone or you're on the phone or skyping with them. At least then you can SEE the other guy's body language. Or know whether they are in fact THERE or not.

Again, just don't over think it. This one guy I'm texting with... I only hear from him once a day and only late at night. BUT I *do* hear from him.. and I have to leave it at that.

I'd like to hope if he wasn't interested he'd just say so. Today he said it may or may not work out but if I trust him and have some confidence in him it will be better for both of us. I guess he's right, neither of us can say after one date if it's going to work out but to give it the best chance I need to trust him and not worry.

[InbetweenDreams]

I'd like to hope if he wasn't interested he'd just say so. Today he said it may or may not work out but if I trust him and have some confidence in him it will be better for both of us. I guess he's right, neither of us can say after one date if it's going to work out but to give it the best chance I need to trust him and not worry.

Takes time to get to know someone...I'd say by the 3rd date you can usually tell if you or he is interested. However, I know what you mean about getting a heads up on that, I get it...been there. We humans are very fickle...

[Flyerboy95]

Takes time to get to know someone...I'd say by the 3rd date you can usually tell if you or he is interested. However, I know what you mean about getting a heads up on that, I get it...been there. We humans are very fickle...

Yeah that's very true.

I've just got to go on what I know already: He asked for a second date and he said I was everything he hoped for on the first date. Just got to take that at face value and see what happens on the second date - I for some reason fear he's gonna cancel it, despite him having said or done nothing to suggest he is. That's my mind on overdrive again.