Boyfriend cybercheats.

[Jonathan]

So I have been with my man for 8 months now. It was going perfect. So he went home this week for the holidays and early this morning I get a text from him saying he webcamed with a stranger. He didn't think about it and said he thought it was just porn, but after the fact he felt horrible. Now he has apologized profusely and said he never meant to hurt me and he will never do it again. But that he was not thinking when he did it. What do you guys think? I forgive him. Told him not to do it again. But I am just super upset. I cant seem to get over it.

[JustAperson]

He is being honest with you. I would give him another chance, but also the last chance.

[Ibex]

A guy in a Discord chat I'm in says that his boyfriend doesn't care that he gets dick pics from other guys, or that he asks for them at times.
The bf just sees it as porn, and nothing more.

So imo, forgive him and move on.
But if does it again, be much tougher on him.

[matty7]

I would be happy that you have a boyfriend that's so honest and just had to tell you , yes he did a dumb thing but he owned his mistake and told you.... how many men would do that really - no body is a perfect human being no matter how much we try , can you honestly say you don't look at other men and think Wow !! I know what he did was a way bigger step been on cam and by all means put him in the dog house to show how hurt you are buddy - I hope he's learnt his lesson that you see this as a form of cheating and there's no repeat ....but in a backward way I wood be pleased you have a BF that will come to you if he thinks he broke your trust

[MikeW]

Frankly, I don't see what the BFD is. Now LYING about it would be what would get me upset. But just jerking off to images of another guy? Why should I care? We're MEN... gay men in particular... why can't we enjoy the fact we're MEN and like to get off? We all do it. We don't always and won't always do it with our partners (assuming we even have one) either. Where's the beef?

[TigerLover]

It's a completely understandable mistake.

Webcamming is a viable alternative if you're sick of porn. To the extent that most big porn sites host Webcamming too. It's perfectly believable that he'd do it without thinking the way people habitually pull up a porn site.

SO there was no desire or intention to cheat. There was no physical contact, no intimacy, no dishonesty and crucially he's remorseful in the extreme.

I may get a tongue lashing for saying this. But it really doesn't seem like a big deal, certainly not enough to end an otherwise healthy relationship.

All you need to forgive him for is being careless with your feelings (and being a bit of an idiot).

Plus he could have just not told you. It's not like you could have found out. The fact that he had the balls to immediately call you and confess says a lot about his character.

[LJay]

[MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION], I have to agree with you. I have no boyfriend, but I would hope that if I did it would be no big deal if I walked in on him enjoying what the web has to offer while rubbing one out. I figure it is about the same as a magazine these days. More likely than not, I would join him or help him to avoid a sore wrist. There is a difference between replacement and healthy fantasy. Cheating is when he is looking to replace you. Fantasy is what the web offers at a distance and sometimes with audio. Why sweat that?

[deephiance]

You live and you learn.

Relationships are not easy, especially when you are new to relationships or A relationship, and while there are some boundaries that everyone understands should never be crossed, there are some boundaries that inadvertently be crossed from time to time.

This boundary could be likened to a partner viewing porn and masturbating.

Weather you forgive him or not is up to you as you know the full story in the lead up to this incident, but on face value of what you have divulged to us here, his actions are forgivable due to the fact that his conscience seems to be teaching him his lesson.

[TwisttheLeaf]

This is a boundary you need to discuss with your partner. In the case of [MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION] and I, it's not ok. Not at all. He wants me to come to him to have my needs filled. I require the same from him. It works for us. Not everyone feels the same.

In fact, someone sending me dick pics (or sending him dick pics) would be a huge level of disrespect, as we are both very clear and obvious about being attached to each other no matter where we go.

[Camfer]

I'm not so sure it was all going perfectly before this. It sounds like you two might have some expectations that are either unstated or perhaps not genuinely agreed to by both parties. You two are BOTH responsible for talking about what is and isn't acceptable and what behaviors will and will not freak you out. You haven't given us any information about what agreements you have and how you two came to those agreements.

Perfection is a false concept in relationships. Two imperfect people are coming together. You have to learn not to sweat the small stuff and focus on the big stuff. I'm not here to tell you what is big and what is small for you. That is for you to decide.

What do I think? I think I am with my man to support him as much as possible for him to be the best that he can be. I have never once thought that I needed to completely own his sexuality. If he were away from me and felt he needed to cam with a guy, it would not cause me any anguish. He'd probably spend the whole time he was camming thinking about me anyway. For me the situation would be nothing at all. No big deal, not even a small deal.

One thing that seems completely off to me is this assertion that your BF didn't know what he was doing when he did this. You don't accidentally end up on a cam site and accidentally start camming with a guy thinking it was porn. The fact that he would say it is worth exploring. It sounds like it's a strategy to keep you both in your comfort zones. It's the kind of statement that he might make because he is embarrassed at his actions. If you allow that to slide by, you may be allowing him to save face here, but it sure sounds like a load of bullshit to me. People sometimes tell each other sweet little lies with both people knowing the underlying truth. You might want to call him out on that, or you might not.

It's worth mentioning that those devices you are using to text each other have this thing called phone on them where you can actually talk to each other in real time. Texting is not the way to work through this with him. Speaking face to face is best, and speaking over the phone is next best, when it comes to matters of the heart. Him texting you this was cowardly.

Deal with your emotions first. Then deal with the issues next.