My boyfriend is acting cold

[MisterLonely]

I'm currently in a long distance relationship with a guy from Vietnam. In the beginning there were lot's of talking between the two of us (we both speak Vietnamese). On average we have about 1 hour video chats and half an hour of texting everyday, but now it has gone down to 10 minute video chats and only 1 minute of texting. Sometimes he also outright ignores my texts and tells me that he's "busy", but I don't believe him.

As you can see, my boyfriend hasn't been giving me that much attention like he used to and it's driving me crazy. What the hell is going on here? I hate to say it, but I strongly suspect he's cheating on me with someone else. Either that, or he's legitimately busy with his life. Ugh, I can't get this off my mind. It's bothering me so much. Yes, I understand that he has his own life to live too, but still when you're in a long distance relationship with someone, a big part of it is communication. Without this key component a relationship can never work out.

Btw, something to keep in mind is that he has A LOT of gay guys on his facebook friend list which he admits to talking to some of them, but reassures me that they're "just friends". In fact, Vietnam so happens to be a country with a lot of gays, so he often has regular contact with them in his everyday life.

How can I get him to pay more attention to me and put more of his time on me? I really don't want to lose him! Because the truth is, he's all I have. :/ Unless I decided to dump him and find a new boyfriend who will give me all the attention that I need, although this is only a last resort.

[drobs]

Long Distance relationships suck. I say that as a man in a LDR.

Have you been together in person? Are you planning on going there or him coming to you?
What's the long term commitment?

If there is none, being brutally honest, you're electronic pen pals.

We at least have a little more commitment, share a house, & banking account + I pay for everything. I hope to be there for good in March.

[MisterLonely]

Long Distance relationships suck. I say that as a man in a LDR.

Have you been together in person? Are you planning on going there or him coming to you?
What's the long term commitment?

If there is none, being brutally honest, you're electronic pen pals.

We at least have a little more commitment, share a house, & banking account + I pay for everything. I hope to be there for good in March.

We both had a discussion about this for quite a while now.

He tells me he wants me to come to Vietnam and live with him. He said he'll wait for me no matter what, even if it means 5 years. But I told him that's way too long of a wait and assured him that I should be in Vietnam by the end of next year (2017).

Of course I talked to him about Plan B, too. If the first option doesn't work out, he will come to America instead and then marry me to get a green card. He said that can work out, too. But first he has to save up money so he can afford to fly to America, although right now that doesn't seem to be a possibility as he's way broke and as you know, the pay rate in Vietnam is way lower than it is here in America.

Just recently he had to get surgery due to some type of "anal rupture" which he had to pay out of his pocket money, making him even more broke. So, right now, it's gonna take a long time for him to save up for a simple plane ticket. I think from Vietnam to America, the plane ticket is about $1,500 on average. Once he gets to America, I have to sign a bunch of visa documents just for him to stay for a while, until I marry him so he can then apply for a green card to finally have permanent residence in America. Applying for a green card will take another few months to fully process. To top it all off, I haven't even came out to my parents yet. So, I'm not sure if I can even bring him over here to live with me and my parents. In fact, my parents aren't "gay friendly" at all. They are conservative Asian parents that believe love should be between a man and a woman. So... yeah, I'm not certain if they'll approve my sexuality, let alone my gay partner! In which case this happens, I plan to move out so my partner and I can settle in an affordable apartment together. Again, money seems to be a problem since I don't have a job to help support the both of us yet. That's why at this moment finding a job is my top priority.

Idk, it's a lot of work... so many obstacles to overcome just for the two of us to physically be together. But hey, we're trying to make it work. Eventually things will resolve somehow and work in our favor, hopefully.

[TwisttheLeaf]

1) I answered the time question in the PM you sent me. Communication is key to any relationship, and in LDR? Even more so. Clear and open communication is necessary. If either of you can't commit to that, then you have a problem, yeah?

2) Who cares how many gay friends he has? As long as he's not fucking them (since it sounds like you two are in agreement to be monogamous? You DID talk and get an agreement on that right?) then what's the problem?

3) Get OUT of your parents house before bringing him over to live with you. Seriously stupid idea that can ruin his life in extremely SERIOUS ways to not make sure you are stable on your own before inviting him to come try and move in/marry/get green card/etc. You're rolling the dice with someone's life, so think with your head instead of your heart on this one and do things the right way instead of the "fast" or "easy" way.

[drobs]

I try to call home every evening. Not a fan of skype / messenger. That being said there are some days I'm busy or just ready to call it a night after a long day. Could be that in your case or could he's growing apart from you.

Have you met him person previously or has it all been online? You might hold off on the marriage plans a little longer.

[MisterLonely]

1) I answered the time question in the PM you sent me. Communication is key to any relationship, and in LDR? Even more so. Clear and open communication is necessary. If either of you can't commit to that, then you have a problem, yeah?

2) Who cares how many gay friends he has? As long as he's not fucking them (since it sounds like you two are in agreement to be monogamous? You DID talk and get an agreement on that right?) then what's the problem?

3) Get OUT of your parents house before bringing him over to live with you. Seriously stupid idea that can ruin his life in extremely SERIOUS ways to not make sure you are stable on your own before inviting him to come try and move in/marry/get green card/etc. You're rolling the dice with someone's life, so think with your head instead of your heart on this one and do things the right way instead of the "fast" or "easy" way.

2) It's because I haven't fully trust him yet. He gave me his FB password, so often times when I see him asleep, I'll secretly log on to see all the convo messages he's been having with those guys. One time I red one of his messages where he said to his gay friend "Hey, we haven't slept together for over 4 years now, did you missed it?". When I confronted him about the message, he denied of ever saying that to his gay friend. A while later I checked back his FB and noticed how that one message got deleted.

This, right here, is the reason for me not trusting him 100%. I mean, even if he DID indeed slept with that guy 4 years ago, it doesn't really matter since at that time we weren't in a relationship yet. But still, the fact that he denied any allegations of saying that (despite having visual evidence) really makes me distrust him.

3) My parents used to let my sisters boyfriends move in the house for free, so I have some confidence that they'll let my boyfriend move in as well. Although this time around it's a little different since we're gay, so I'm unsure if they would allow him into our home. But knowing my parents so well, I know they'll eventually let me have my way. xD I'm so confident it's gonna work out for me. But if not, then again, I will find a job by then and move out of that hell hole so we can have a place of our own.

I try to call home every evening. Not a fan of skype / messenger. That being said there are some days I'm busy or just ready to call it a night after a long day. Could be that in your case or could he's growing apart from you.

Have you met him person previously or has it all been online? You might hold off on the marriage plans a little longer.

No, we haven't met IRL yet.

It's all been on the internet... in fact, as funny as it sounds, we actually met on gayspeak. xD

I was the one who messaged him first, but he was the one who visited my page first. I just so happen to see his username at the bottom where it shows you the "most recent visitors" to your page. Had he not visited my page, I would have never know about his existence and therefore would never had messaged him.

And when we started chatting on day 1, we already decided we wanted to be together. It was... well, instantaneous--to say the least.

[drobs]

I'd recommend you dial back the marriage thoughts till you spend quality time together.

Since being a .gov contractor working overseas, I know a lot of American guys that marry foreign women - most from the Philippines and Thailand. It's a long difficult process.

I spent a year+ contracting for the US State Department on a US Consulate and got to know one of the diplomats who's 1st job was reviewing green card / Visa applicants. He said they reject 90% of applications after their face to face interviews.

[Darius]

Maybe the thrill of an internet relationship has worn thin for him? Maybe he has other such internet relationships? Either meet up in real life or move on to something more real yourself.