My bf is getting HIV from me

[max92]

First of all I can assure you guys that I'm on medication and I take it strictly on time everyday. So my Viral load count is now undetectable.

I agree that it might be his psychological thinking that he get it. Because he went to the clinic by himself without telling me to get tested. He did not go the hospital. And somehow the result could have been be false.

BTW, if he contracted the hiv from me last few months, the symptoms couldn't show up that fast? We have bareback sex few months ago. My viral load is undetectable, so the chance that he get acute infection is very low?

[Camfer]

Thanks [MENTION=24199]max92[/MENTION] for the additional information. If your viral load is undetectable, then it is virtually impossible for you to have infected your partner.

The rapid HIV test that clinics use, if it is the latest version, tend to be very accurate, but not as accurate as a lab test. In a clinic setting I expect that they would have immediately drawn a vial of blood to verify the results if they did indeed come out positive on the rapid test.

You don't say what symptoms your partner is experiencing, so there is no way to give an answer there. Aside from some flu-like symptoms that some people have at initial infection, people are asymptomatic for many years.

Guessing the psychological profile of your partner, that he is lying to you that he is infected, well I have no information to comment on that. I'd take him at his word that he has HIV and now needs medication for it.

You are posting such limited amounts of information, it's hard to have a thorough conversation about this. In a visit to a doctor with your partner, you can get all your questions answered.

[Cuddly]

Hi. Members. I want to ask for your advise about my situation right now.
I am HIV+ and have been in a relationship with my bf. he acknowledged about my status and recently he told me got tested positive. He got it from me and I feel so guilty if I have to put him through this. I just don't know what to do because he doesn't want to take the medication and now I'm worried that he might get worse. He's been telling me that he feel sick and hisbvody is changing. I know that there is some alternative options that you don't have to take the med. but I don't know if it's effective or not.

Is there any chance that the test result is false and he's just being paranoid? What should I do? Anyone can give me some advise? Thank you in advance.

No. What the fuck??? No. Nonono.
He needs to take his meds. From now until the day he dies (or is cured). Having HIV you should know enough about it to convince him of that.
Do NOT use alternative forms of medication for this!!

About bareback and "undetectable" status; assuming your blood is what was tested, it is possible that the viral load of your ejaculate is significantly higher. Somebody on gayspeak linked a scientific paper proving as much a few months back.

[LJay]

[MENTION=24199]max92[/MENTION], I have been through chemo twice for cancer. It was two different cases seven years apart. I used to have terrible anxiety between visits to the doctor and the anxiety got worse and worse leading up to the appointments. What relieved the anxiety? The knowledge that came from the test results. Try to understand, and to get your friend to understand, that knowledge is power in these situations. Knowing for certain sure guides your steps. Double checking test results with another test is simply good science. Use it to your advantage.

The things you have said here give me enough curiosity to think that a second text is a good idea for your friend.

[max92]

[MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION] thank you for your answer. Yes my viral load is undetectable. But when we have sex, he doesn't use condom. (He's a top) and the last time that we have sex was a few months ago and then after that he went to the clinic to get tested. He said that the clinic sent his blood to the lab to verify the test result. I'm not so sure about there process because I think it can be wrong. The symptoms that he has are flu-like feeling, fever but it doesn't last for many days, cold chill, runny nose, and weak. I remeber when I know that I have HIV, I had the worst fever in my life that I had to stay in the hospital for a week and the doctor couldn't find the source of my sickness untill she had me tested for HiV.
Even I can contract the virus by having unprotected sex with him, still the chance is very low right? Since my ciral load is undetectable. I'm so worried right now

[max92]

My viral load is undetectable. We always have bareback sex and he's a top since we first have sex which is 10 months ago. He got checked 6 months after that and it's negative. But now he said that he's positive. A chance of him getting it is low but there's. I'm still in doubt because the last time that we had sex was few months ago. He said he went to the clinic after that and they drew his blood and sent to the lab for the result.
He mentioned that he had cold chill, runny nose, feel weak, flu-like feeling, fever but didn't last for days. I remember that I had the worst fever in my life when I get tested for HIV and stayed at the hospital for week. The doctor said that I had the acute infection so the symptoms showed up very fast. But in this case it's too fast to know since My viral load is un detectable.

[princealbertofb]

If I analyse what you've been telling us @max92, it would seem that your boyfriend went to be tested behind your back, which I find a little suspicious. Is it his way of coping with the fact that you had sex bareback and that he may feel that this was the occasion when he was infected and the bareback sex may have felt like a good idea at the time but it has been niggling at him all the time since then, and having him wracking himself with later guilt? Regretting having the bareback session-s? Maybe he hasn't felt he could confide in you that he feared being contaminated.

What I don't quite understand is why you had the bareback sex in the first place if he is worried about becoming HIV positive. But then people don't always act rationally. Did you manage to convince him that, because the traces are undetectable in your bloodstream, it was safe? Did he have that bareback sex with you fully understanding that there was a risk of infection however small it may have been?

The other thing that makes me reflect is that he may be preparing you for a scenario that he knew was coming, maybe you did not infect him, and maybe he contracted the virus (if he is indeed infected) from somewhere else, but it's easy to put the blame on you since you are the HIV positive partner at the start. Are you confident that your partner has been totally faithful to you, and that you are the only one who could possibly have infected him? I'm not trying to cause dissention here, but I'm just saying it is a possibility that may need looking into if you want to understand his frame of mind. Is he punishing himself, for something he shouldn't have done?

As it happens I don't think it's really important who infected who and how it happened, nor is it important to set the blame on anyone. How it happened to you is not your fault either. Shit happens. If it has happened and your partner is now HIV+, then it would be much wiser to get on with it and start managing the condition by taking the medication. I speak here as a person who lost his brother to AIDS. It was not a pretty sight and it was a devastating event for the whole family, not to mention the pain that my poor brother must have endured as he saw his body slowly decline. Unfortunately, this happened to him before the tri-therapy existed and also he didn't really want to take the meds that were available then. I will deplore what he had to live through till the day I die.

So maybe your boyfriend is healthy and will stay in shape despite being infected (there are others out there who have been HIV positive for years and haven't seen their bodies decline in any way, but they've also led pretty healthy lives since knowing their positive status ie not indulging in drugs, or alcohol, or tobacco, and eating proper food etc., and presumably also leading safer sex lives. So regardless of who infected who and how, which are no longer important at this stage, he really should see the sense of making the most of what modern medicine and technology can do for people living with the condition. You are proof that it is possible to manage a less favourable situation.

Maybe he doesn't like the idea of becoming like you, a person who has to pop pills every day like clockwork, but on the other hand what other option does he have (if he has become HIV positive)?

I feel there could be something else at stake here, which you are either not mentioning, or concerns that he has not aired yet either. Maybe some counselling would be necessary, because I'm wondering if he's not trying to blame you, somehow, for being the cause of his newfound condition. At the same time, this would be undignified, and he knows it, which might explain why he went to be tested secretly. I still find that strange, however. Does he not trust you?

Or else ... -- and this happens too sometimes -- he loves you to the point of also wanting to have the same HIV status, so he can share what you're going through, but then again, his attitude to taking the meds doesn't make sense. Maybe he realises that chasing the bug is something you wouldn't have wanted him to do, and he's trying to cope with this knowing you would be mortified that it has happened to him?

I hope you manage to get through this crisis together, assuaging his fears and getting him on the right track of medication, even if it means taking the bloody things for a lifetime. Ask him this : if he had any other illness or condition, would he stills not be taking the meds?

Take care.

[max92]

Thank you. I find that suspicious too that he went to get tested secretly. He doesn't want to take any medication even if he's sick from other illness. It will be the last choice to take medication.
And he doesn't have sex with other people also and he's also topping.
I don't know what else to say. He said he's sick one day and another day he looked fine. I know that the symptoms can take years to show.
And No. he doesn't love me that much to become like me. He just had bareback with me because it's the only way that can make him come. He cannot use condoms.

Is it possible that the test is flase and he just overreacting?

[Camfer]

Here's the article to read:

https://www.verywell.com/prevalence-of-f...test-49134

"Although the rate of false positive and false negative HIV test results is low, they do sometimes occur. Their incidence is largely influenced by a number of factors, including the type of test used, the limitations of current testing technologies, and even the time at which a person's test is performed.

Today, the false negative rate in the general U.S. population is around 0.003%, or three times out of every 100,000 tests.

False positive rates are far lower—between 0.0004% and 0.0007%—due to the practice by which the initial positive result is confirmed with a secondary test."

Thus taking the larger figure above, the odds of your partner having a false positive result after the confirmation test is 7 in one million. Let me put it this way, of one million people testing for positive for HIV, the test is accurate for anywhere between 999,994 and 999,997 of them, and wrong for 3 to 6 of them. So please just forget about this insanely remote chance he tested wrong. You can't cling to the odds of a false positive if he got the confirmatory test results.

So what are you going to do now that you know this?

[Darius]

Max, try to remember what it was like when you found out. He is probably afraid, shocked and depressed, not the best time to make decisions. He will come around but might need counselling.