Need advice on a tricky situation

[drobs]

I've had a smoking / drinking buddy, Jim for almost 5 years (on and off) that just figured out I was Gay. I didn't realize I hadn't told him previously. All my other straight guy friends in the group know, as I've told them. I swear, I'd talked to him about my partner etc over the years. Maybe he thought it was my hunting or business partner.

We were sitting outside drinking with our group, a month or 2 ago, and it came up in the conversation, with another straight guy friend asking me something. My friend Jim, is like - what are you Gay, Dan?

I though he was joking, we've known each other since 2012 in Iraq, surely I told him during that time. We're both into guns and trucks and "manly" things. I joked me Gay? No way! Then one of the other guys chime in - Wait Jim, you didn't know Dan was Gay? How long you guys been friends?

I apologized and said - I swear I'd told you previously - yes I'm Gay. Jim reacted quickly and was like hey you and your partner are welcome to come stay with me and my family in Alaska anytime. I don't give a shit, hopefully I haven't said anything too offensive over the years.

Where am I going - probably best to just to break it to him. I'm a little surprised that your previous relationships haven't come up.

[freddyguy]

Hi and sorry to take so long t reply.

Thanks for your input and to answer a couple of your questions: He was married and has 3 boys, all in their late 20's and early 30's. He has been separated as long as I've known him and longer. Since I've met him, he has had only a couple of dates with other women but, as far as another relationship is concerned, he hasn't met anyone who would go with him as a boyfriend. To me, he comes on a bit strong with women and, whether it's intentional on his part or not, it turns women off. He has made homophobic comments before, but, they are usually made when other guys are around. Again, whether it's intentional on his part to show the other guys how macho he is, I'm pretty sure it is.

He continues to make comments that lead me to believe that he's interested, but, again, I usually think of, what would have been, a good comeback to the comment too late and miss the opportunity to give him the signal that I'm more than interested. I guess that I need to be quicker on my feet and provide quicker, smarter responses.

He gave me a real opportunity yesterday when we were sitting alone at the place where our group of friends gather each morning. we were sitting at a 45-degree angle to each other, close enough that our knees were almost touching. He was sitting back in his chair with his legs open. I walk with a cane and placed the cane between his legs, pushing it in towards the edge of his chair. He said that I couldn't push it far enough to touch his crotch. He just kept smiling and inched forward a couple of times to see how close I could get. I then took the cane and poked him in the crotch once and then again, and he just kept smiling and letting me do it. Again, not thinking quickly enough, I stopped what we were doing and we went on talking about something else. I thought about what had happened later on and couldn't believe that I was stupid enough to miss what couldn't have been a more obvious opening that he provided me.

He's been spending more and more time alone with me at my place lately, and, more and more I feel that it's not going to be long before I get the opportunity to make the move that I need to make. I've just have to be more on the ball when he makes certain comments.

[freddyguy]

Sorry everyone. My previous post was directed to "Jimcrackcorn". I'm not familiar as to just how you are supposed to reply to an individuals post but I had clicked on the Quick Reply icon in his post but it seems that doesn't work.

[freddyguy]

Hi again everyone,

Although I said that my previous post was supposed to be a reply to "Jimcrackcorn", I really want to thank all of you for your understanding and much needed advice.

I guess that the bottom line is that I have to simply come out to him and see how he reacts. Let the chips fall where they may. I realize now that I've been lying to him all this time by not being completely honest from the beginning. If coming out to him destroys our relationship in his eyes, then I have only myself to blame. However, I feel that, as I've outlined in my posts, if he has been simply leading me on with his come on's and through the things he does and says, then he, in a weird sort of way, has been lying to me too. If my honesty ends up in him walking away from our relationship, then, I guess that he has actually not been as much of a friend as he has pretended to be.

Thanks again everyone. You're awesome!!

[kindy64]

Just remember, he may have a negative initial reaction. You've had years to come to terms with your orientation. Give him a minute (by which I mean as long as it takes,) to get used to it too.

Good luck with that discussion.

[artyboy]

Bloody hell I know this feeling. eh I'm not actually sure if I've told my best mate or not lol!! hmmm always a hard thing to work out the best way around this sort of thing.