Met the nicest guy...but

[Flyerboy95]

Hello all,

A couple of weeks ago I met a guy on a dating site and we really got on well, he's honestly such a sweet, caring, lovely and kind guy, who treats me so nicely. He's also really good looking. He also works in the industry I want to go into, which means we have so much in common and so much to talk about. On paper, if I could pick the perfect guy for myself, it would be him. We've been on two dates in person, once I went to his town, and the second he came to mine. He's just as charming and lovely in person, and wouldn't let me pay for anything when I visited him, which I thought was so nice, and I wouldn't let him pay when he came here.

Here's the problem though, and I say this with absolutely no disrespect to any person, but he's quite camp, and unfortunately, camp guys have never been my thing, not because there' anything wrong with them or I dislike them, I don't, it's just not something that I find attractive personally. I feel really really angry at myself, because this guy as I say is such a gentle and loving person, and I find his personality and his looks so attractive, but in person, the camp part of him really puts me off. I haven't told him this, and it makes me feel awful, but it just detracts from all of the good things I like about him. I'm sure I sound like a narrow-minded prick, maybe I am? The thing is, is he's really into me, and he wants to see me again and still messages me constantly, which is nice, it's so nice waking up to a cute morning text message. I did mention to him after the previous second date that I felt a bit overwhelmed and that something was 'missing', but I feel like I'm just beating around the bush, I don't want to lead the guy on, because he's so nice, but I don't want to throw away something that could potentially be a really happy relationship. It's even more frustrating after having my share of absolute prats and not very nice people who I've been with or dated, and I know he's not one of them.

The thing is, I don't know what to do. A friend I've spoken to said him being a bit feminine is something I could get used to, but at the same time it's meant as nice as the dates have been, that 'spark' just hasn't been there for me. What would you guys suggest I do?

As I say, I really have nothing against camp or feminine guys, and I do hope this post doesn't offend anybody.

[Camfer]

Sounds like you met someone who could be a great friend. Pursue it as a friendship and hang out together without having "dates."

No one ends up with their idea of the perfect guy for him. People do tend to date guys when (A) there's a spark , (B) they can overlook all the stuff they don't like about the guy, and © they are compatible in and out of bed.

In this case you don't have A or B. [You didn't tell us about C :]

Good friends are very precious. Count yourself lucky that you met him, and make it clear that you see him as a friend so you're not leading him on if he wants more.

[Flyerboy95]

Sounds like you met someone who could be a great friend. Pursue it as a friendship and hang out together without having "dates."

No one ends up with their idea of the perfect guy for him. People do tend to date guys when (A) there's a spark , (B) they can overlook all the stuff they don't like about the guy, and © they are compatible in and out of bed.

In this case you don't have A or B. [You didn't tell us about C :]

Good friends are very precious. Count yourself lucky that you met him, and make it clear that you see him as a friend so you're not leading him on if he wants more.

I think the frustrating thing is, is that leading up to meeting each other, and even in between that first and second date, that 'spark' has been there. Can't answer C, not slept with the guy.

[NativeSon]

I'm sure I sound like a narrow-minded prick, maybe I am?

Don't be so hard on yourself.

I think Camfer has the right idea.

Just try to be honest with yourself and to him. You'll never go wrong.

[artyboy]

When you get older you will realise its whats in the inside that betters and not the way they look or act.

[Flyerboy95]

When you get older you will realise its whats in the inside that betters and not the way they look or act.

I realise that now, looks is such a tiny part of what makes a person. But I just think it would be unfair of me to get into a relationship if I don't find him attractive...

[kindy64]

you can't always get what you want...

Not exactly sure what you mean by "campy" but I have a guess. Depending on the level, it's either something you can get used to or not. My fiance has habits I don't prefer, smoking for instance, but I overlook them because I love him.

In any case, be honest with yourself, and him.

[Darius]

It's a shame to throw away a guy that you say is otherwise ideal for you over one "flaw". The chances are that it is you who needs to change and not him. Maybe you are focusing too much on that one thing when you should accentuate the positives. It's too early in your relationship for either of you to know for sure if romance is in your future, even though there is a mutual attraction.
Take your time, get to know each other, reflect on his great qualities and see if you change your attitude about him. We all change our likes and dislikes over time....what we once hated can sometimes endear us to them.

[Borg69]

I realise that now, looks is such a tiny part of what makes a person. But I just think it would be unfair of me to get into a relationship if I don't find him attractive...

In your first post you went on twice on how attractive and (mostly) perfect for you he is.

I think what you're trying to say is that you are embarrassed by him/his actions. Am I right?

[Darius]

In your first post you went on twice on how attractive and (mostly) perfect for you he is.

I think what you're trying to say is that you are embarrassed by him/his actions. Am I right?

I wondered that too. Maybe Flyerboy is not yet 100% comfortable in is gay skin and embarrassed that others will find out....guilt by association kind of thing.