Emiliano Wrote:I was going to stay out of this, but after reading it and what you wrote, I wouldn't feel good about not saying anything to you. And to just put it out of the way, I'm not here to start shit with you.
You and I may not agree, we might argue, it may get heated. But don't personalize it. I'm not here to try to hurt anyone or make them feel bad about themselves. I'm not a troll, I don't have anything out for you, I don't play devils advocate, I don't argue because I like drama. I really value that you are willing to talk to me. I value that you participate in the more serious conversations. I have no place giving anyone advice on relationships, I'm not friendly enough to greet every new person who posts on here. But I value that you really sincerely do try to give thoughtful advice, greet newcomers, and all that. Overall you are a friendly and nice guy and a contributing member to this site.
I'm not always the first to reach out to people, and I'm not always the nicest person. But if you're struggling and depressed, I will listen to you and I will talk with you and I will do what I can to provide support for you. I'm not heartless and I dont like turning a blind eye to the pain of others. I do think offline interactions are more powerful and you should do what you can to live your life and work towards the things you want. But, if you are ever so desperate as to come to me for a sympathetic ear, just to let you know, I would not turn you away.
Didn't mean to make you think that I was refering to you being a troll. Actually I was referring to someone else in a different thread over another incident. PM'd Andy, reported the series of posts, etc.
As far as debates, debates can be fun but sometimes the issues debated can strike a nerve with people... just the way it is and I do think people today are much more sensitive, including myself on some of these things. I can't really go into as to why that is, but I know sometimes we always want to be right and I'm guilty of that myself.
I had a lot on my mind last night and all which was dragging me down and there is a point where it does kind of get scary. I don't normally get depressed like that and through out the last few years I have had my dips and most which happen in the winter time... maybe I have that seasonal affect disorder or something because it always goes away by the time April rolls around if not earlier.
SilverBullet Wrote:From what I have read, it seems your dug into a bit of a rut.
Ruts are not going to stop you long if you work them out, IIRC you have car and CC debt. Perhaps given a couple handfulls of months you will have dug yourself out.
And yes it may take time, it may take work, but its something you got to do. think of it as the enemy, point your frustrations to your credit cards. All your past issues are their fault, now attack them! (but not literally, or do) eliminate them and THEN evaluate your situation. Most people can live on their own with only a car bill, your smart and I have no doubts you can figure it out! 
Why you got to be such a nerd? J/K. Trust me I want out of debt more than I want out of this house lol. Thanks though... Sorry for acting like a chump, best word I could think of to describe it.
Confuzzled4 Wrote:I don't know the particulars of you starting the thread, but I completely understand the feeling of being stuck, and alone, and miserable. Do what you have to, talk to whomever you need to, I like talking to people about these things because I've gone all the way down the hole before. I feel strongly that there are a majority of good people on this forum, and I hope to be considered also in the majority. Best with whatever you decide, but know there are people on here who do care.
All I can say about depression, is it doesn't matter who you are or what your problems are. That's why I think it is not a good idea to remind people, hey don't be so blue people in Africa are starving... That's not really it, at least not for me. I think we often put ourselves in the hole by thoughts. That's where it all starts with me. It's like a big snowball, it's one thing, then another and then everything is your fault and you suck and you deserve shit and on and on and next thing you know you feel worthless and so damn upset you could puke and now you start crying and now feel like a sissy for crying... Then at the end you realize for the most part it was all thoughts and you were mostly feeling sorry for yourself. Now I speak mostly about what I typically go through. Several years ago I was self-employed, really struggling with money, I didn't really have any debt or anything, I just couldn't make any money, it was November and I got really depressed. I was going to drive my car off the side of a mountain, actually got in and started down the road and I knew exactly where I was going to do it too and the shit box I was driving yeah I probably would have been successful if I didn't stop and call my sister balling my eyes out. Talk about feeling like a complete shitbag afterwards, feel quite guilty. Everyone is upset thinking you were going to go off yourself. So yeah I've been in some dark places. Last night was bad but not nearly as bad as it has been in the past. I think it is something deeper rooted, but definitely lacking in self confidence seems to feed it.
Jay Wrote:Babe, you can't leave. Or at least leave me with your contact number before leaving Gayspeak because I really like you. I admire you as much as I admire Ceez, Cridders, Trywait and few others in GS. You're my perfect boyfriend material.
You're a good friend and I learned many things from you. I appreciate that you always rescue me when I failed in IT stuff and support me emotionally throughout my years in GS.
I haven't been in GS for a year plus so I can't judge much on the current GS environment. Although I do know that trolls etc lurk around in GS. Maybe Paul has other commitment so he can't moderate this forum as much as he used to.
I also left GS to focus on my life. But I keep my membership active because I have few friends in GS like you, Ceez, Trywait, Cridders, PA and many others.
Anyways if you do want to go, just keep in touch with me. Always remember that you are one of my favorite guys. I admire you very much.
Love you.
Jay
Thanks [MENTION=21041]Jay[/MENTION]. Well I always like it when people ask computer questions. Oddly enough I never really joined up on any geek forums, seems they only deal with viruses and ugh you always have some poindexter telling you that your wrong because DDR4 memory has higher latency *lisp*. So I like the occasional questions, not being bombarded with I got this pop up on my computer and not competing with 72 million jillion other geeks. I used to be on majorgeeks.com but they didn't take kindly to me giving people instruction so they would just post over me with their brick and mortar instructions....so I'm like fuck that.
Anyway, yeah I kind of fell off the bandwagon. I think I will probably get back into jogging once the weather gets nice and stays daylight longer but really I need to find a way to sustainably lose weight. I don't know if it is going to fix my self-confidence but I do feel that I don't go on many dates because hell if you're on a dating app and you say you're 225 they just don't even bother, just the same as the age gap... no one over 28! and you just turned 29 two days ago. Not that those type of people are the people I fancy, becuase it ain't but it still makes me feel bad. That there are so many people who judge you like that and yeah I'm not exactly the poster child for being in shape either... I don't look bad and yeah I can see myself looking pretty decent if I lost the weight. Right now I have no gym membership and no gym partner, but maybe that will change but we'll see.
Thanks again, you're a good friend.
deephiance Wrote:It's not a bad idea to leave the forum, but it is not a good idea.
You need change, but don't be too rash in your search for change.
We have all been caught in a rut, it can sometimes be difficult to find your way out of it.
Either way, you have to do what you think is best for you at the moment, but the regret of leaving isn't permanent as it isn't too hard to rejoin when you are ready.
Yeah last night was a brash choice out of emotion... Which is never good.... Same with impulse buying a sports car -_-
LONDONER Wrote:I'm not going to offer you an 800 number but to be honest there are worse things you could do. It will be sad if you go leave GS but I do understand your reasons. The worst thing you can do to find answers to your problems is to search on the Internet. It only leads to more insularity and more confusion. Do reconsider your solution. Don't delete your account but is it less often, maybe just once a week. In the meantime could you not consult your doctor, not for anti-depressants but for names of organisations (gay or otherwise) who could help you out of your present sea of despond? You really do have to make an effort to get out more, maybe do some voluntary work for a charity, anything that gets you out and about and mingling with people.
Whatever you do I wish you the bestb of luck and hope to see you back here in the near future in a happier state of mind.
Yeah I can agree with that. I never could find much help just googling on something specific, even worse if they're symptoms, before you know it you're thinking you have cancer and are contageious.
I don't think I could keep myself off of here which is why I felt I needed to take the axe approach to things and like I said all out of emotion. I don't think I should trade stocks either...
Not sure what I can do, I thought about asking one of my friends. I thought I remember them talking about P-FLAG but not sure if that's still around. There just isn't anything in this area without traveling 30-40 miles or more... I mean it is worth a look and I do think it would help. I mean the dating pool or even the friend pool are pretty slim pickings around here, but the friends I do have are good friends...especially one dork in particular.
Bookworm Wrote:I'm sorry that your feeling this way. I know from experience that it takes a lot of effort to pretend that everything is rosy in life when you clearly don't feel that way inside. Keeping up the appearance is draining.
I've only recently returned to the forum myself after quite a long break so I don't know you very well, but from what I've seen you are clearly someone who takes an active interest in others and are highly thought of by many here so it would be a shame to see you leave, but I understand the need sometimes to step back and take a breather. I do it myself all the time.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well and hope that things pick up for you soon.
Sometimes I don't feel bad and feel fine, but other times it is hard to hold back emotions, tears and all that jazz... But thanks, it's good to feel reassured. Sometimes it is good to be reminded that you're not hated like you think. When I was a teenager I went though the classic everybody hates me crap and boo hoo and I think at times it was tougher to accept that I was wrong and that I wasn't hated or disliked so much, but people of course get tired of hearing that shit. The problem with despair is often it doesn't matter what people do to prove that you aren't such a bad guy after all. So yeah it's not fun going through it and sometimes I am able to think myself out of things but sometimes going to bed is the best cure.
Thanks everyone, sorry to have been a Debbie Downer last night....
Farewell
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