Emotionally involved with someone at work....

[ublutwyche]

Thanks for all your replies x
When I first met him, I had an inklin about him. But for some reason, right now, I'm not so sure about his sexuality. I'm thinking that he might actually be str8. It don't seem right him being gay!! Kinda weird.
BUT, I've struck a chord with him. And whatever it is that I've said and done has made him very angry towards. And as I've thought deep down for a while, is that he hates me. And it definately seems that way now. I don't think he has feelings for me, or ever has. I just wish I chose not to pursue it from the start. I should have known. It kinda hurts me that someone could possibly hate me, when all I've ever wanted was to love him. And for someone to want me off this planet, and to feel so much hatred towards that he'd want me dead is such a painful thought. But still life does go on I suppose. Life is one big learning curve. And I suppose there could be happiness the other side of despair. But even though I've been hurt, I reckon I was meant to have met him, because I'm learning so much about human psychology, and the way people move. Some things are becoming a bit clearer. My goal now is to stop acting on impulse, and stop reacting to things straight. Just take in the information, and work out things over time. And something tells me this psychological business and emotional side of things are gonna get worse for me the next 12 months, so I better get prepared.

BUT, deep down I'm still in love and in lust with him. But also deep down, in the recent future, I don't think it could ever work between us. I'm becoming quite embittered towards him. And there's been times where my aggression has been aroused, and I could easily hurt him physically

What a life! LOL

[princealbertofb]

Then rather than hurt him physically (the urge may be very strong indeed), I'd just avoid him altogether... move on... to something else, and someone else. You don't want to add injury to insult.

[ublutwyche]

Oh man! I'm sitting here crying my eyes. Why me? Why can't I just tell myself to get over it, and move on? I don't understand. I've only wanted the simple life, and I've spent my whole life being the best person I can be, so why have I been given such pain, it don't make sense. I've watched people my whole life gliding through life experiencing no tragedy or pain, and plumbing their own depths. And here's me crying my eyes out over an nasty person who obviously hates me. Why and how?

[princealbertofb]

Because you are too sensitive, little one... CHeer up, come and join us in the chat room.
Can you do that?

[fjp999]

Oh man! I'm sitting here crying my eyes. Why me? Why can't I just tell myself to get over it, and move on? I don't understand. I've only wanted the simple life, and I've spent my whole life being the best person I can be, so why have I been given such pain, it don't make sense.

[COLOR="Purple"]I cant tell you how eerily similar words I have spoken

princealbertofb and a few others on this site have counseled me and it is most important to talk it thru with others. I also see a therapist and psychiatrist (for other health reasons). So you see, I have a huge network of very sincere friends and professionals to speak with... and tbh, no one can really understand your situation. Their advice may sound like pure shit but slowly what happens is after lots and lots of talking it thru (and god only knows how my friends have put up with all the tears and broken hearted stories over and over again ) your head starts catching up with your heart and you start coming thru it all.

It does take time and lots of energy but you should try to use friends and professionals to help you thru this awful time.

If I can ever be a shoulder or ear for ya please let me know [/COLOR]

[ublutwyche]

NO DRINK WILL BE A GOOD START!!!!! :eek:

[marshlander]

[COLOR="Purple"]... it is most important to talk it thru with others. I also see a therapist and psychiatrist (for other health reasons). So you see, I have a huge network of very sincere friends and professionals to speak with... and tbh, no one can really understand your situation. Their advice may sound like pure shit but slowly what happens is after lots and lots of talking it thru (and god only knows how my friends have put up with all the tears and broken hearted stories over and over again ) your head starts catching up with your heart and you start coming thru it all.

It does take time and lots of energy but you should try to use friends and professionals to help you thru this awful time. ...[/COLOR]

I can't endorse Frank's comments strongly enough. My experience leads me to the conclusion that he's absolutely right. I went through a difficult period a few years ago and I knew I was being a bore, but I had some very long-suffering friends who let me do it - talking and talking and talking ... eventually things start to make sense and balance out, but it takes a very long time. You certainly find out who your friends are. I know who mine are and I don't know if I will ever be able to thank them enough.

NO DRINK WILL BE A GOOD START!!!!! :eek:

That sounds like a great start. Good luck

[princealbertofb]

Well you can thank them by returning the favour some day... Some poor new bloke will be going through the same turmoil and he'll need a shoulder to cry on...
You can be that shoulder, then... if you've come out of it standing taller, wiser and happier... (dare I say stronger?) Good luck, honeys...

[Stuart]

first of all, it all depends on how much you like your job! because if this spills over into the workplace, you may not have one for much longer. Bosses don't usually like personal or domestic squables in the workplace. i hope this helps

[ublutwyche]

lol don't worry i'm keeping well away from him. there's gonna be no confrontations of any sort where he's concerned... i don't work in the same department as him, and we only cross each other's path occassionally - which is just as well, really.
i dunno, me and my emotional dramas, or should that read emotional blackmail (maybe? who can tell me?)... Taurus' can get angry at too many emotional crises lol :eek:

You know, I've been reading a lot on astrology and psychology - combined. And I might have some more insight into my actions. Here's an extract, maybe there's some truth in it, I'd personally say so....

But your chief enemy is self-pity, for when your ploys do not work, and others refuse to be bound despite your efforts to obligate them, you have a way of feeling extremely injured, rejected and sorry for yourself; and you then cast the other person in the role of an unloving villain who is selfish and oblivious to your needs, and throw rather theatrical sulks. Try to learn to let people go, for they usually come back again; and if they do not, then no amount of emotional blackmail can coerce them. You are a more powerful personality than you like people to see, although your chief power lies in your capacity to maneuvre feeling atmospheres and is therefore a very subtle form of control. The more you unconsciously try to coerce others into remaining close to you, the more you will drive them into coldness and hurtful behaviour in self-defense; but the more you can learn to appreciate yourself as you are, and trust in the relationship itself, the more likely you will be to have the kind of close and supportive circle of friends, family and colleagues that you desire so much.