Hi Forum!

[Zen]

Hey Bookworm! Your quote sounds very Eckhart Toole! ;-)

[IanSaysHi]

Welcome Zen, hope you enjoy your time here

[Zen]

Nice one Ian! Seems like a friendly forum here

[Cridders88]

Welcome to the forum Zen, from another fellow southwesterner . Good to have you here

[LJay]

Welcome, [MENTION=24253]Zen[/MENTION]! Always glad to see a fresh voice. Hope you will enjoy the sound of many keys tapping hereabouts.

[Darius]

Hi Zen. Do you and your wife plan to walk through this together? I mean, do you plan to tell her when and if you get emotionally or sexually involved with a guy? Are you willing consider her feelings first?

[Zen]

Hi Darius! Yes, absolutely! I love her so much! I'm hoping that I can make some nice emotional connections and friends. But she has said that I just need to he honest with her, and if things happen and I was to feel that we can't go on as a couple then to talk this through. She just feels bad for me as she knows that the family I'm from are quite narrow minded. But I wouldn't start seeing a guy behind her back, as that's not fair.

[princealbertofb]

Dear [MENTION=24253]Zen[/MENTION], when I read your feedback yesterday, I thought of you and your situation (and I'm guessing there aren't any children in your family (you and your wife), are there?)

Anyway, I immediately thought of Nicholas Mcinerny, a British writer and playwright who explained about a similar situation. He was married and with wife and children, when it suddenly dawned upon him that he was gay. He must have been in his forties then.

Now, I know you call yourself bisexual and that's the way things might be in a practical way since you are married to a woman. I have been in a relationship with a woman so I know how that could be construed, but I think I always knew, at the back of my mind, that I was gay. Now that I am in a relationship with another man, I realise this is what I always needed and wanted. So I don't call myself bisexual even if I can acknowledge that there are things that have involved sex and attraction to the other gender in the past. I can still find women attractive, but it tends to be more on a social and emotional level. Anyway, you may also be in transition to a new sexual identity.

So, I thought of Nicholas Mcinerny and his way of dealing with the situation at the time. He wrote this three-part play for the radio that explains a trajectory out of a straight marriage and into the gay life. In the case of his main protagonist, Jack, it takes the form of a consensual choice of a partner -- something that both his wife and he consider to be a moderating form of living the gay relationship in a secure environment. So he goes about finding this male partner that Karen, his wife, also knows and whom she allows her husband to have a romantic and sexual relationship with.

I can't remember what this kind of arrangement is called but it's a 'thing' and has a name, and there are some websites dedicated to this. Maybe this would be a thing to explore. (Having done the research it's called ''The closed loop''). Read this to find out more : http://sparklabproductions.com/news/nich...y-blog-145

If you can get a copy of Nicholas McInerny's book / play How To Have A Perfect Marriage, it would be a good read or listen and would be a place to start. I have got two of the three series of that How To Have A Perfect Marriage available as a radio podcast. Should you want it, PM me and we can arrange for a transfer. I think Nicholas was looking into writing a fourth series under commission from the BBC.
Here's a soundclip or two of that series : https://soundcloud.com/sparklab/how-to-h...t-marriage
https://soundcloud.com/sparklab/perfect-marriage-clip

Otherwise, you can look up Nicholas McInerny online and write to him. He might oblige you with a copy and an explanation of how to do this. He's a very pleasant man.
Here's a link to the BBC Radio Four website where you can read up on the radio play and the comments made by people on the subject. Maybe your wife would like to read this too.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/radio4/entrie...1a416d10c8
As for Nicholas, he's on Twitter, you can follow what he's doing at the moment through this medium.

You can also listen to him commenting on the situation on this soundcloud.
https://soundcloud.com/sparklab/nicholas...-interview
Take care,
PA

[Zen]

Thanks PA.

It has certainly given me something to think about. It will check out your links.:-)

[Dan1980]

Hi Zen welcome to GS