I still miss him

[Confuzzled4]

It's been 11 months since I last saw him, and 7 months since he said anything to me. He was my best friend, and he played with my emotions so much. He's either sexually confused or a psychopath or both. The short of it is, we were friends for many years and there were hints of him being homosexual along the way, but I didn't pursue it. After he came on stronger I reached out and he shut me down, embarrassed me shamed me devalued me. He had a girlfriend, I exposed him and all he did only to have him call me bipolar and to seek help. After all that, and all the time that's passed I still miss him, I dare say I still love him and I hate myself for it. Anytime I pass by something that reminds me of him, or I hear his name spoken aloud I get uncomfortable. Anytime I get stressed out, I think about him. A good friend of mine told me it never goes away, it just becomes managed. How long does this take? There are some days it's still agony.

[deephiance]

it depends on you as a person as we all grieve differently. Losing a friends is like experiencing a death a death, there is a process and everyone is different in how we process this loss.

Like a death, the loss never leaves you, you just learn to live with it.

I am a very cut and dry sort of person so my opinion would be that a true friend (or a friend of any sort for that matter) would not do this to a friend.

One of life's little lessons learnt the hard way unfortunately. Hints of him being gay is not the same as him actually being gay. The only way to know he is gay is when he say 'I'm gay', until then it is no ones business what his sexuality is and talking about (Speculating) his sexuality is nothing more than gossiping.

So what exactly did you expose him as? or did you just rob him of his happiness? <--- I don't need these questions to be answered, but they are questions that you need to ask yourself and be comfortable with it being the fact or truth you are telling yourself.

A broken friendship involves 2 people...are you completely 100% blameless or is that what you are actually struggling with?

[NativeSon]

You make it very hard to understand why you care so much for him in the first place?

Time heals all wounds.

[InbetweenDreams]

You make it very hard to understand why you care so much for him in the first place?

Time heals all wounds.

At first it would seem that would be the case, why like someone who doesn't treat you well. My guess this person exhibited traits that were attractive, perhaps good, looking, fun and interesting and then when he started making a pass sort of speak, good ol oxytocin comes into play, get a crush and get shut down and back and foth. Yeah not fun, because you're left holding the back hoping hey maybe time isn't right, maybe there's still hope even though the logic to move past someone like this is long past. If we simply made logical choices, well let's just say less people would need happy pills and therapy. Oh Spock you son of a bitch.

[ShiftyNJ]

I seem to remember this story when it happened.

Breadcrumbing is a thing. Sometimes a guy gets off on positive attention and encourages it, til it hits the point where he has to put up or shut up, and instead he shuts down.

I agree with [MENTION=24118]deephiance[/MENTION], you are mourning who you thought he was and what you thought you had, and the fact that those things weren't "real" in the sense that he didn't share them doesn't make them any easier to let go of. But you have to, or it will cripple you.

As the excellent song goes, "The hardest to learn is the least complicated". Not everybody we fall for is going to reciprocate, and if they don't, trying to convince them is futile and can be humiliating. In my amateurish view, your behavior was not necessarily brought on by mental illness (I think many if not all of us have misread someone's intentions and maybe reacted badly) but if this is still dogging you some kind of counseling may not be a bad idea, to help you reorient yourself towards people and situations that are healthier.

[Darius]

I think until you understand yourself, you are going to continue to be miserable. You complicated a friendship by convincing yourself he was gay without any proof. Then you exposed him, I assume, as being gay. Again, without any proof. He had enough and stopped talking to you and now you are hurting. I'm sure a big part of your pain has to do with regret for the way you unfairly treated him. Whatever he may be, you have to own your part in losing him before you can expect to get over him. You might also be having a hard time getting over it because you are still living in hope he will come back to you.

[Confuzzled4]

Well I wrote the story before, but as quickly as I can. We were friends for many years, he bought me things when it wasn't a special occasion, paid for meals out most of the time, sometimes for movies, we did a lot just the two of us. He had a girlfriend, he cheated on her a number of times. After I met her and she left his house, we played in his pool where there was a lot of touching. I told him I wished some people were gay, he subsequently slapped my ass and said I had a nice plump butt. We went to an outdoor gallery where he went to put his arm around me. I visited him, and everything came out. He didn't feel the way I felt, he danced with a girl he had sex with and made out with her on the dance floor in front of me. When we parted he said I love you and blew me a kiss. I broke down, he made me feel worse whenever I contacted him after. I couldn't take it and told the girlfriend about his infidelity, they broke up. We spoke, I mentioned the kiss blowing he said it never happened and I was bipolar, to please get help. I am not bipolar, he showed concern texting me when I saw my doctor. I asked to speak a month later, that was it.