Its all over but the crying :)

[InbetweenDreams]

Not sure if it helps but I've opened up about a lot of stuff to people I have dated, kind of felt that I shouldn't have. Not so much that I think me being open about things has caused them to run off but rather that it does no good in the end and one more thing some crazy ass could use for blackmail...

My thinking is that he was embarrassed for being caught with you and now embarrassed for being embarrassed about it? Either way as stated up above, kind of immature, you got caught, big whoop...on the other hand he might have been caught by someone who might bring him or has brought him trouble... see it is all up to speculation it seems...

[princealbertofb]

I dont really feel insecure and I think Im a pretty tough macho guy, Ive never run from a fight in my life. I really don't want to beat him up, part of me does but more than anything I just want some answers. I wanna know what I did for him to use me then discard me. Why, because its no longer convenient for him to have a lover? Am I embarrassing? Is there somebody else? I even starting to prep myself for bottoming, like doing alot of research and everything. Just in case he wanted to take me. Believe me I'd rather not hit him, but he has made a fool out of me. I told him about of alot of the stuff from my childhood that I dont really like to talk about just so he could understand me better. It seems like he was looking for an excuse and getting caught was the one he needed.

I think you're reading too much into that incident. Nothing came from it,as far as we know.

[Camfer]

[MENTION=24108]Doc[/MENTION], I don't think he used you. I think he genuinely liked being with you and had a fun time having sex with you, with no intention of running away in that moment. Then, later he freaked out because it was all feeling too much for him and he didn't feel safe with how it was all happening so fast. Then he called you and told you what was up, to the extent he could, and had nothing more to say to you. Then he hears you threatening assault, that makes him feel even less safe and confirms that he's totally doing the right thing to avoid you.

Just because someone went on a couple of dates with you and had sex with you once does not make him beholden to you. He can decide it's not right for him, as you know and have acknowledged in this thread. He had the courtesy to call you and tell you as such. Some guys would just ghost you and leave you to figure it out after a string of unreturned communications.

A threat of assault is not a viable strategy to get someone to open up to you. Either the person takes the threat seriously, and he feels unsafe and thus avoids you, or he feels like you're just full of bluster, so why should he invest his energy in being forthright with you.

You have not given any reason to suspect that he is going to disclose anything that you told him in confidence. It won't be long before he forgets it anyway.

So yeah, the whole situation is a big disappointment. Dating goes like that, a lot. You pick yourself up, dust yourself off, forget about him, and look around for someone else. You get smarter about finding a guy that's likely a better fit for you. Maybe take it slower the next time.

So keep the salient lessons from this whole experience. At least then you got something from it. Sorry it went down as it did.

[Doc]

[MENTION=24108]Doc[/MENTION], I don't think he used you. I think he genuinely liked being with you and had a fun time having sex with you, with no intention of running away in that moment. Then, later he freaked out because it was all feeling too much for him and he didn't feel safe with how it was all happening so fast. Then he called you and told you what was up, to the extent he could, and had nothing more to say to you. Then he hears you threatening assault, that makes him feel even less safe and confirms that he's totally doing the right thing to avoid you.

When you say it like that, I sound like a crazy person. So I just texted him a said "Im not going to beat you up, I was just sad and mad". He texted back "I know". Its not much but least he is communicating with me now. We'll see in a few hours when I see him, what the next steps are gonna be.

[princealbertofb]

Basically, @Doc, now that you both know that there's not going to be blood, it's negotiating the ''Can we be friends?'' part that needs working on. Maybe let him know that it's not ok for him to 'ignore' you. You can both, at least be civil to one another. Maybe he'll eventually explain why he thought you were making a mistake (at least he thought he was maybe making a mistake), which would give you some kind of closure. Remember, Doc, no threats, no intimidation, no abuse, just keeping the channels of communication open through understanding. You've both got a history and both those histories are important, but maybe they are just not compatible for the time being. Hope everything smooths out for you and you find peace of mind on this matter. Surely this cloud had a silver lining?

[Doc]

We had a talk today, Josh did most of the talking and he thinks its best if we just forget about this past week and pick up where we left off. Then he told me if I didnt have him over for another date he would beat me up, then he punched me in the arm ( I think he was making fun of me). I really happy about this, I didnt really want it to end and I know he felt the same way. Now that we have survived our first fight I guess were are now a couple. Im sure this wont be our only fight, I gave him the sunglasses and he liked them so thats nice too.
Im still not sure what was bothering him, if he would rather not talk about thats ok with me. We can just pretend this past week was bad dream.

[princealbertofb]

He'll probably reveal the truth once he's processed it himself. He'll probably look back on it with either fondness, or thinking he was 'crazy'. Erreurs de jeunesse.

[Camfer]

Well done, [MENTION=24108]Doc[/MENTION]!

[meridannight]

Sounds like it was a lot of drama over nothing.

But, glad to hear it got resolved.

[Zen]

Love can make us crazy! Glad all is settling down, and he liked his present :-)