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03-04-2017, 09:02 PM

So I'm a femme lesbian and i've been with my butch gf a little over 2 years now. The other day we were driving home and we got into an argument because she picked me up from work an hour late. But what really pissed me off was she was so nonchalant when I was talking about it on the ride home. I have a horrible temper and she knows this but she kept ignoring me. So I said "keep ignoring me and I'm gonna slap the sh*t out of you. And what really set me off is she laughed at this! Anyways I got so mad I ended up smacking her while she was driving. Next thing I know she actually pulls over and hits me like 4 times. I start crying and run out the car. We've texted since then. Mostly her apologizing and saying she'll never hit me again. I know I hit her first but it really wasn't that hard. And she's so much bigger and stronger than me. I feel like she overreacted. This is the first time we've ever gotten physical. Idk what to do. I love her and i don't want to leave her but I won't stand for abuse.

VirgoMasquerade · 03-04-2017, 09:09 PM

Both of you are wrong... One you kinda overreacted and with a temper thats only asking for trouble. She may have been really late but still thats no reason to hit her. DONT SMACK PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE DRIVING! That could have ended very badly not only for you guys as a couple but other people driving near the car. She also shouldn't get that rough with you either... I think you two should talk things out and maybe see a counselor to get help in controlling the anger you both seem to have

Dan1980 · 03-04-2017, 09:25 PM

I am afraid your both in the wrong. Violence is never the answer. You both seem to have a temper. You should both talk about this to see if your relationship can survive.

03-04-2017, 10:01 PM

When people is ignoring someone in an argument, most of the time they're trying to resist the impulse to reciprocate anger.

03-04-2017, 10:41 PM

Hitting her while she was driving seems crazy.

Why was she an hour late?

03-04-2017, 10:45 PM

She overslept allegedly and there was traffic. But regardless, it was inconsiderate of her to be late and ignore my feelings. I feel bad for hitting her, but for her to hit me back that severely is why I feel she is more so in the wrong. I could never physically hurt her in the way she can with me.

03-04-2017, 11:10 PM

Stop trying to justify violence. You threatened violence, you followed through, you got a violent reply to your violence. YOU ARE AT FAULT.

You come across as a little bit egocentric.

Is it appropriate to be having such a discussion while one is in control of a murder weapon, or would it have been more appropriate to have a rational discussion about what happened and how to avoid it happening again in the future.

We all fuck up, sleeping in was hers, provoking violence was yours.

seeking · 03-04-2017, 11:21 PM

I think both of you had made mistakes, but what's more important right now is to fix things up.

As you said, she already apologized for her actions, and you still love her. I would say do not hold up on what already happened but try to communicate for the sake of your relationship and future.

Talk to her (calmly, in a descriptive manner) why you behaved that way; express what you felt that day and let her do the same. Then you discuss together how to prevent things like that to ever happen again. If you haven't apologize, do it, because you also love her.

Yes hitting each other is a very hurtful thing to do - but don't like that crack deepen in your relationship. Do not think about who hit harder or who hit first, rather, think about how much you love her and she loves you and those things would be nothing compare to the feelings you have for each other.

To sum up - imagine what you want in the future with her and act accordingly, don't let the past drag you down.

TigerLover · 03-04-2017, 11:37 PM

Violence in a relationship is totally and utterly unacceptable regardless of who is bigger or tougher.

You both owe each other a huge apology.

Then you owe yourself a huge apology you put your own life in danger when you slapped the driver of the car you were in.

Going forward you should make three promises to each other.

1. Neither of you will ever hit the other again.
2. She will never ignore you again.
3.You will never fight in the car again. it's not hard to wait until you get home.

meridannight · 03-05-2017, 02:57 AM

What were you thinking hitting her while she was driving? That is a very stupid thing to do, not to mention dangerous.

Complaining about someone being an hour late to pick you up is also childish. It happens, it's no big deal. Get over it.