Sadistic Hookup

[bromance17]

PMSL oh! the humanity

You called me first fucking looney!!!
If you want to change the world for the better start from yourself!!!

[bromance17]

That's a smart thing to do.

People should be careful with meeting up through dating sites.. It could've been more worse than what happened to you.

So be thankful and learn from the mistakes.

It's the only choice though in my city to meet gay men!!!
Either you sign in a dating site and meet a lot of weird people or you dont meet anyone at all.

[bromance17]

Excuse me suddenly im the bad guy here? His actions were lame and for this it's my fault? It's like it is the victims fault that couldnt avoid burglar's bullet. I've done hook ups in the past and i 've found some diamonds. The one with no sin cast the first stone. I didnt ask you to judge me but to explain some behaviour. Shiety people exist everywhere, not only online but across the street, in the grocery story, at school, in this forum , everywhere.

[seeking]

I read through the comments, as someone who never did hookups, I am just curious there are people who ask for sex but at the last minute they just freaked out? Why would that happen even they have exchanged pics ?

[Zen]

I read through the comments, as someone who never did hookups, I am just curious there are people who ask for sex but at the last minute they just freaked out? Why would that happen even they have exchanged pics ?

My guess, and it's only a guess, is that they maybe aren't ready to do it, they want to, they're excited, they are going to do it....but, when it's there in front of them, they lose their nerve.

[LJay]

[MENTION=24273]bromance17[/MENTION], I think it isn't so much a matter of you being the villain as people not understanding why you described what went on using some pretty specific terms. Believe me, what you experienced is not without precedent. In my younger days cruising was a common thing and there were several guys around town who were definitely more tease than show. Some of them were proud of it, too. Hope you will have much better times in the future. Stay safe.

[InbetweenDreams]

Thankfully never had anything quite like that happen but I have had really bad dates and some awkward experiences with guys...

Here's my advice next time you're horny, hold it -- jerk off and if you really want to meet someone for the purpose at least meet them in a public place beforehand, try to rule out them being a crazy or a weirdo. You do put yourself at risk just driving to someone's house that you have never met or know anything about...Not saying you shouldn't talk to strangers but if you look back on threads here you can find threads dealing with sexual abuse and guys being raped, not cool. That also doesn't mean give a random guy your address... Yeah you might miss out on some action because most of the guys who are looking to hookup aren't going to want to go a whole lot of trouble to get what they want but to each their own. Might consider the following, always let someone know where you're going and consider some form of self-defense, stun gun, mace, etc. Nothing is fool proof but in my experience hookups with randoms aren't worth the hassle.

[meridannight]

I read through the comments, as someone who never did hookups, I am just curious there are people who ask for sex but at the last minute they just freaked out? Why would that happen even they have exchanged pics ?

My theory -- it's because meeting up with someone through the internet is a complete cold experience. Even if you have the pictures, you know nothing about the guy. You've never really talked to him, you don't know what he's like, nothing. It's like putting up an ad on the street corner to meet with directions to your place and then waiting who shows up. A complete random stranger. (Actually, the latter is different. Because with the internet interaction you create an image -- and expectation -- on what a man is like. But the reality of who he is might not be anything even close to that image. And some of the problem is in that difference between expectation and reality as well).

If you haven't had the opportunity to see what a man is like in person, you don't know how to relate to him, how to behave with him. And that is an unnerving experience. Alternatively, when you've seen a guy in person, you have this information, and there are no unknowns about him. You know what he's like, you know how to talk to him and what to do.

A man is infinitely more than his picture and the words he types on the internet. There is a lot of information about who he is which the online interaction will never be able to communicate. Human beings did not evolve their social abilities to communicate with random strangers whom they've had no physical exposure to. On the contrary. It's so difficult -- and sometimes downright weird -- because it's unnatural to us. People react inexplicably because the whole situation, at its core, is inexplicable.

And they're in that mess, because it's easier to sit at home at their computer than to go out on the town to find a man -- where one has direct experience on who he likes and who he doesn't like (thus less chances of erring). Easier does not equal better. And the results are showing all over the place. If you remove that physical information and feedback from the equation, this is exactly what you will get. An unknown confusing situation with an unpredictable outcome.

[Cobalt]

Yes, I am judging you. You went and decided to air this out on a public forum and as a result, your situation will be scrutinized. I put my personal life on this forum here too from time to time and understand I too am able to be judged and scrutinized. It's the nature of the human experience. People judge. Stop with this PC bullshit of "don't judge me!".

Did I say you were a villain? Please go and point that out where I said you were a BAD person. What I did say, is you're completely and utterly wrong by using the words "sadistic" "evil" and "schizophrenic". Sure, you go and meet your "diamonds" in the hookup scene, I'm sure, but you're inevitably going to run into flakes like you did in this story that started your topic. You want to avoid running into flakes? You won't, it's going to happen. You want to REDUCE your chances of these flakes? Try other means of meeting people. If you want a more thorough and successful sexual encounter, try dating and entering into a committed relationship with someone you've gotten to know and they feel comfortable with you. Part of why this guy flaked, I can almost guarantee, is he didn't feel comfortable with you. He doesn't fucking know you AT ALL. Why should he feel comfortable?

Now, I know all of this is crazy to the generation(s) of today. Dating? Long term? COMMITTED? Huh? That goes against the "I want it now!" and instant gratification of what today's society expects. But if you want to have a better sex life and not these teases and flakes, be in a relationship with someone you genuinely know and trust. Even that isn't guaranteed to work out but it will increase your chances. If you still want hookups, that's fine by all means. My point, understand that you're getting yourself into a much higher chance of running into wackos and weirdos. And when you do, you've no one to blame but yourself as you knew the risks going into it. Hopefully you never really do run into a genuinely "evil" or "sadistic" person.

[drobs]

Could be his "brother" was actually his partner or boyfriend. No, not some sick incest thing but could be he was feeling guilty and changed his mind at the last minute. I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe he's not out or has all sorts of religious guilt.

Long term committed relationships are great. However, everyone is at a different place in life. I started with hookups and eventually picked up a guy in a bar and found a long term relationship.

I'm not going to look down on another person because they are looking for a hookup instead of the socially accepted dating and sex on the 4th date. That has shades of "Christian Guilt" behind it.


Edited to add: You're best bet is to meet someone in public before hooking up. Meet at a coffee house or bookstore. You can chat with the guy a bit and decide if they are nuts or not.