Boyfriend wants me to dominate him more

[georgiec42]

Hello everyone,

I just need some advice on my relationship right now. I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 months now. The sex is still pretty great, but recently he's been asking me to spit in his mouth as we are having sex, I really don't feel comfortable with doing that and when I talk to him about why he wants that he says that he likes to be dominated. He says he's into really dominating stuff, I mean not too extreme, spitting, ass smacking, handcuffs, giving orders etc. I'm not super into all that stuff, I'm more of a passionate lover. Don't get me wrong I love getting rough and aggressive but it's not me trying to be dominating it's just me trying to fuel my passion.

I'm worried that one day I won't be enough for him sexually. A part of me really wants to satisfy his needs, but I'd feel like I'd be degrading him and I don't wanna feel like that, I really love this guy and he says he does too and that it's no big deal if I feel uncomfortable doing certain stuff, but idk should I be worried? Should I just give some things a try? I'd appreciate the help!

[InbetweenDreams]

Have you addressed your worries about this to him? I think you should try some things, you might enjoy some of them but more than likely if you don't like the idea there is a higher chance you won't like it...

[Cobalt]

It's fine for him to express his desires and needs. It doesn't mean you have to meet them. If he wants something that makes you feel uncomfortable or you don't like you can and should express that. Meeting his needs should not mean sacrificing your own.

[Zen]

I think we all have our kinks and quirks!

It might be that it could be something that you do occasionally rather than every time? It wouldn't be degrading if he's requesting you to do it, it's just something he likes.

If you try it as a part of a session and don't like it, don't do it again.

Maybe chat and reach a compromise?

[IanSaysHi]

Okay first and foremost - immediately stop worrying that you're not going to be enough for him sexually. Never let a guy make you feel inadequate in the bedroom as it can spiral and effect performance further down the line if you end up overthinking things. You say you are a passionate lover who doesn't mind getting rough and aggressive? Great! So many guys would be happy with that.

What you need to do is talk to him and as with everything in a relationship - sex, taking out the bins, who gets to sleep on the right side of the bed - it's all about compromise. So he wants to try some new stuff. Okay, well why not tell him the things you really don't want to do, but look at anything else you could do that you'll both enjoy. If he isn't willing to compromise then it's him at fault. Like I say just don't overthink it.

[LJay]

[MENTION=23058]IanSaysHi[/MENTION], would you come and live at my house?

[IanSaysHi]

[MENTION=23058]IanSaysHi[/MENTION], would you come and live at my house?

How come? Need someone to take out the bins?

[TwisttheLeaf]

My question in reading your post is..... is he looking to be dominated? or is he looking to be degraded? (In my experience and observations, spitting on someone is a degradation technique, not a dominance technique.)

Because, it's not the same thing, and there are definitely those out there that get off on being degraded (and those that get off on doing it).

It might be something you need to talk with him about, and if the answer is that he is looking for degradation.... you're going to have to raise the question on whether or not he's going to be okay with not having that as a part of his sex life (if you aren't comfortable fulfilling those needs, which it sounds like you're not).

For some, dominance/submission and/or degradation can be an optional "fun" thing to do. For others? It can be something they need to be happy, whether that's occasional or on a regular basis.

In my relationship with [MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION], we participate in a lot of dominance and submission, but we do not participate in degradation. If he spit in my mouth (or on my face) during sex, he'd lose some fucking teeth for it, and that would be a case of him getting off easy.

[TigerLover]

He is your boyfriend but he's also the co-captain on your voyage of sexual discovery.....mile:

Try everything that doesn't repulse you, just once. You may be surprised at what you enjoy. After all the mental image of doing something and the feeling of doing something are very very different.

[Cowboy]

I can understand not wanting to spit in someones mouth that'd freak me out too. If wants you to be the boss and take charge do it, next time he gives you an order smack him in the mouth and tell him he's not in a position to be giving orders Maybe you could try dominating outside the bedroom? Next time you two go out to eat order for him, show him who's boss.