Well, I never!
Some people simply do not understand the importance of when to spill in the milk. It can make a difference!!!! Timing is an art!
I would advise that you put some sugar in his gas tank and be certain to add milk to (the) boot(y.)
Now concerning the pizza, I must weigh in. I am fond of BOTH a nice big mushroom and PLENTY of meat to go with it. A big mouthful should have both flavor and balance, right?
I see that a late development in this illucid exchange suggests that one might put whiskey in one's water. HERESY! The proper mode is roundabout. Whiskey should have but a small splash of water.
Now, as I see it, and setting the pizza aside for the moment, a reasonable means of resolving your strife would be to use the tea in the following recipe for punch and to each drink a half-dozen glasses of it in an honest effort to acheive domestic cohesion.
Fishhouse Punch
Mix a quart and a half of pineapple juice with a pound of dark brown sugar and add enough good strong and hot tea to make a gallon of liquid. Stir the mixture over heat until just below boiling and the sugar is well dissolved.
Slice a dozen lemons as thinly as possible and pour the hot tea mixture over them.
Allow the punch base to cool.
Then get yourself a decently sized punch bowl to allow you to mix the above-concocted base with
A quart of dark Rum
A quart of light Rum
A quart of good Brandy or Cognac
A half-pint of Peach Brandy
Add a good block of ice and serve the punch up with abandon.
It is more than likely that, after a perieod of some levity, a profound calm will descend over the proceedings and many memories will have been lost be the next morning.