I broke up with my boyfriend and moved out of his house over a month ago and I'm still having a really hard time with everything. (I'm really nervous about posting any of this here because I posted about it on another site and got a lot of hate.)
I lived with him for a year, but things started getting bad between us last summer. I finally moved out at the end of Feb. because he was getting really mean and I found out he was cheating on me. The last few months I was living there were really bad and he would yell and scream at me a lot and some other stuff too.
I finally got my own place and moved out without even telling him, but now I have this constant stress. He was bugging me at first, then he left me alone for awhile, but now he's bothering me again, but not as bad as before.
I'm still under a lot of stress over everything and even though I know I did the right thing sometimes I feel like all this will never end and I can't help wonder what is wrong with me that made him so angry with me like that? It's so hard. I'm trying to get over it and try not to think about it but sometimes it all just overwhelms me.
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Hi [MENTION=24350]Bryce[/MENTION], welcome to the forum. It's very supportive here so don't worry about hate.
It sounds like a bad breakup and the only healer I'm afraid is time. Literally just taking it day by day until you become stronger and he starts to move on. It's only been just over a month really since you moved out so it'll probably take a bit longer for things to settle. Look at the positives - at least you don't have a mortgage or something else with him and you are able to live seperately from him. You have no chains! In this situation you literally have to find all those positives, however small, and focus on them.
Another thing I notice is you ask "what is wrong with me that made him so angry with me like that?" - you must try to not focus this onto yourself as some kind of blame thing. You said he was mean and he cheated and would yell at you - is this reasonable behaviour? No. So stop worrying 'what you did wrong' - some people just treat others badly and they end up making their victims feel like it was something wrong with them.
I know it's hard but try to fill your time with activities to stop yourself overthinking things, and just try to get through each day. Eventually things will get better
Gossip is the Devil’s telephone; best just to hang up.
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Where do you live?
Can you get a DVO?
Am I close enough to break the cunts legs? I have a beautiful shiny sledge hammer that even that skank that sings about wrecking balls would even lick
If someone is angry with you is it really your problem or is that someone just a cunt? I will answer that for you...your ex is a cunt and his anger is nothing to do with you. Someone has a choice between being angry or just letting things slide....he chooses to be angry so it is his problem not yours.
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[MENTION=24118]deephiance[/MENTION] by DVO- do you mean a domestic violence officer?
Think that sounds like a very good idea if [MENTION=24350]Bryce[/MENTION] has on going harassment from this guy. What country are you in as you will need to check your local resources. The UK has quite a few of these resources these days.
[MENTION=23058]IanSaysHi[/MENTION] is offering some good advice. Like he says, if you've suffered domestic abuse it is not your fault and like Ian says, keep up the positive activities.
As a side note, sorry you got such a negative response on the other website.
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A Domestic Violence Order [MENTION=24253]Zen[/MENTION]. In Australia they are to protect domestic partners from violent partners and extends to children and parents as an example.
It is merely a piece of paper, but those with a conscience usually take notice, and a breach of the DVO can lead to arrest and/or charges
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First things first. Evict that fool from your life.
Use your phone to block his number.
Mark all his emails as spam.
Block him on any social media site you use.
Make sure neither he nor any mutual friends know where you live.
Make sure any official letters (especially bank statements) get sent to your new address. Don't want him getting his grubby hands on those.
As for getting your life back on track. You need to socialise. Set time aside for your hobbies and make sure to have some fun. In time he'll fade away from your memory.
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More than likely it was his guilt causing him to be angry towards you.
As everyone above said, it's not about you. I would stop thinking there's something wrong with you.
Find something that calms and distracts you when you have these overwhelming thoughts. Divert attention from them as quickly as possible.
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Thank you all very much.
I've blocked his number and I deactivated all of my social media, but he started calling my work so I gave in and called him. I told him not to bother me again and that I don't want to get back together with him.
He stressed me out so much with everything and I never knew what would make him mad. It could be just the simplest thing that would set him off and make him start yelling and saying really mean things and even getting violent. I knew that things would get worse if I stayed, but leaving isn't as easy as I thought either.
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I didn't think I could add anything to what Ian posted because it's full of wisdom and sound advice, but then you mentioned it wasn't as easy as you thought it would be. It's not easy and it hurts because you cared about him. You can't just shut that off like a light switch. You had the strength to move out because you knew it would get worse. You will have the strength to put it all behind you, too. Just give it time. With him calling your work, I hope he is not a stalker.
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