First off I want to make clear that I am not OUT on the front page with things surrounding my sexuality at this moment in time, however I feel like I could have an easier time if I could find a guy to, you know give me a tiny bit of confidence..? Not like would have a problem showing love for him, just getting out of my shell a bit..? I don't know...
How are guys supposed to throw themselves out there, without the target saying "no thanks, I'm straight.." or worse verbal scenarios that have gone thru my head recently..?
May seem like a dumb question and I apologize. Some days I just don't know how to move forward..? After years of trying to date women and that not going anywhere, just looking to find someone who'd appreciate me for me, and that I could show the same back...
*****EDIT*****
I have had an encounter with a guy before; we traded off sucking each other until got hard, and then finished each other off on a couple of towels... I didn't have the courage to take his load, nor did he want mine, however the further into the future I get, the more that I want to try that, if not more...
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Posts: 5,805
Threads: 221
Joined: Nov 2015
Reputation:
7
I'm a : Gay Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship
Starsign:  Leo
Mood:
Well for one thing, man or woman, still human and therefore you can expect similar problems... women want money and men want sex... A lot of people have their priorities on what they want, whether it is something mutual or not is the big thing.
Not all guys are going to be offended if you ask them if they're gay. I will honestly say it is a similar dilemma... How can I date someone who isn't on a sex app? I mean it isn't the sex that is the problem it is the intent. Are they just looking for a fuck or are they looking to date, hang out, that type thing. Me personally, no I am not that forward to ask a guy if they are gay or not... I do, however, assume that they're gay if you they're on a gay dating app...
If you live in a bigger city that has a gay bar, might be something you can try, just go and have a beer or something... I don't know. I live out here in the middle of nowhere and there's not much choice in how I find guys to date, all has to be online dating and I cna imagine that in a city you have that much more to sift through.
When you get to the point where you are actually meeting someone I guess it goes the same way, just be yourself, talk about things you do, find some common ground.
Unfortunately there is no clear cut answer but I suspect you are worried and anxious about dating guys and perhaps dating in general. Only advice I can say is learn to not worry so much, because even when you do fall for a guy if it turns out they aren't for you, you have to realize there's nothing that you can do to change it and you can't change them and you can't change yourself to suit them. Either things will work out and it will be great or at some point it will unravel....so relax and let things go naturally. This coming from someone who is single and in the last year been on some big highs and lows emotionally and I fall for same mistakes I have pointed out and give good advice that I should take myself and don't. It is crazy how the mind works and how powerful emotions can be.
"I’m not expecting to grow flowers in a desert, but I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime"
Check out my stuff!
•
Well I know there are a few relatively around me, I just don't know exactly where they are at this point in time. I did add an edit above too; I was curious and figured, shit, why not give things a try..? Worst case I find that I dislike it, and let me tell you, I LIKED IT!!!!!
•
Cheet0V90 Wrote:First off I want to make clear that I am not OUT on the front page with things surrounding my sexuality at this moment in time, however I feel like I could have an easier time if I could find a guy to, you know give me a tiny bit of confidence..? Not like would have a problem showing love for him, just getting out of my shell a bit..? I don't know...
How are guys supposed to throw themselves out there, without the target saying "no thanks, I'm straight.." or worse verbal scenarios that have gone thru my head recently..?
May seem like a dumb question and I apologize. Some days I just don't know how to move forward..? After years of trying to date women and that not going anywhere, just looking to find someone who'd appreciate me for me, and that I could show the same back...
*****EDIT*****
I have had an encounter with a guy before; we traded off sucking each other until got hard, and then finished each other off on a couple of towels... I didn't have the courage to take his load, nor did he want mine, however the further into the future I get, the more that I want to try that, if not more... So basically, what you're asking is, how can you meet guys who might want you for you rather than take advantage of you? How does a relationship become meaningful?
The awful truth is that, unless you find that rare gem on your first date, you might have to do a bit more experimenting -- you know the kissing frogs bit.
How to meet guys who will at least let you have a go at being your sexual / emotional self? Most young people have these apps on their phones and learn how to use those (Grindr or others). I don't know if this is a big no-no for you but you are of that generation, so that might be a way of meeting up with people. You can always go out for a drink or a coffee before anything sexual happens (always try to choose a public place for that first meeting), and that's probably the best way to find if there is anything going on that is worth investing your time and energy in.
Other ways of meeting people are to join groups (walking, drama, singing choirs, cookery classes, etc.). Or you can try the old trick of going to gay bars, but maybe you live in a very isolated area, so that might be difficult.
Whatever means you employ to meet someone, there will be a degree of having to put yourself out there, so there's no escaping that, I'm afraid. You'll just have to bite the bullet and show availability for some experimentation, and / or something more serious.
Good luck in your quest.
Edit : once you are OUT, you'll find people who are interested in hooking you up with other gay people they know. It's a bit like trying to find a boyfriend for your sister, by thinking of all your single male friends who might be compatible. But as long as you're not out, those options are closed to you.
•
princealbertofb Wrote:So basically, what you're asking is, how can you meet guys who might want you for you rather than take advantage of you? How does a relationship become meaningful?
The awful truth is that, unless you find that rare gem on your first date, you might have to do a bit more experimenting -- you know the kissing frogs bit.
How to meet guys who will at least let you have a go at being your sexual / emotional self? Most young people have these apps on their phones and learn how to use those (Grindr or others). I don't know if this is a big no-no for you but you are of that generation, so that might be a way of meeting up with people. You can always go out for a drink or a coffee before anything sexual happens (always try to choose a public place for that first meeting), and that's probably the best way to find if there is anything going on that is worth investing your time and energy in.
Other ways of meeting people are to join groups (walking, drama, singing choirs, cookery classes, etc.). Or you can try the old trick of going to gay bars, but maybe you live in a very isolated area, so that might be difficult.
Whatever means you employ to meet someone, there will be a degree of having to put yourself out there, so there's no escaping that, I'm afraid. You'll just have to bite the bullet and show availability for some experimentation, and / or something more serious.
Good luck in your quest.
Edit : once you are OUT, you'll find people who are interested in hooking you up with other gay people they know. It's a bit like trying to find a boyfriend for your sister, by thinking of all your single male friends who might be compatible. But as long as you're not out, those options are closed to you.
Yeah man u hit the nail squarely on head. An not afraid of that sone much, just hate how I was totally ignored by this gal who I put everything toward and she ended up cheating on me too, just to screw with my mind... 
Am not a typical case of a (somewhat questioning) gay guy either, was straight (or thought I was) for longest time, but then one day I came across a video where a domination forced a guy to suck off her boyfriend. I got more invested in the next fewe vids I watched, then now IK am at least Bi, plus guys are easier to figure out too IMO at least so far..?
Good point with the sister point, however I don't have one...
Just have parents who'd never understand that I still am living with, so...
•
Human beings can be hard to figure out, especially when they don't come from the same background as you do and that goes for both males and females.
•
princealbertofb Wrote:Human beings can be hard to figure out, especially when they don't come from the same background as you do and that goes for both males and females.
Yeah, I just wish that people would make sense sone days, ya know? Especially in this case...
•
Cheet0V90 Wrote:Yeah, I just wish that people would make sense sone days, ya know? Especially in this case...
That's why I suggested meeting first. You may go out with someone expecting to get sex, or at least a cuddle and then realise that it's not going to happen, either because it's too awkward, or because you fail to find a connection, or maybe because it's just too early in the relationship. But the whole thing is to start 'hunting' and hope you don't come home empty handed, at the end of the day.
•
princealbertofb Wrote:That's why I suggested meeting first. You may go out with someone expecting to get sex, or at least a cuddle and then realise that it's not going to happen, either because it's too awkward, or because you fail to find a connection, or maybe because it's just too early in the relationship. But the whole thing is to start 'hunting' and hope you don't come home empty handed, at the end of the day.
Great point! Yeah that sounds nice. Even if I don't get it right off the bat, at least I will have a chance to get comfy talking to guys in that manner...
Another thing, I have always (even through 10+ years back,) I have wanted a/pair of pierced ears, and my famIly (like I mentioned before,) have given no support to that idea...) Think I'd be able to find a BF whose okay with them?
•
The answer is 'yes'. I don't see why a pair of earrings should deter anyone from meeting you.
•
|
