05-03-2017, 01:22 AM
I can most certainly relate to this...
Growing up, I knew I was Gay, but suppressed it for some time. Though, I had my fantasies, my crushes, and my porn. I had a major crush on a neighbor (a hot daddy bear - I was 23-24 at the time) at an apartment complex I lived at for 1.5 years.
I did have my relationships too, and am currently dating someone. Though that angle of my life is becoming stale at best, and I have no idea where we will be in the next year. But I'm remaining in the present, and seeing this until the end.
I was with a guy for 3.5 years roughly, and we ended on a good note. We weren't made to live with each other, and it was ultra-hard for me to have him in my life as a best friend (which is one of my requirements in a partner - a STRONG requirement). Not to mention, finding out some rather not-so-hidden secrets at the time, which did not sit well with me.
My "true love" I had courted online for several months between Skype, talking on the phone, texts, and we decided to give a real-life scenario a shot. Once again, more hidden secrets, and then my bank account drained.
Beyond that, and in the nearly 10 years I have been out as a Gay man, it gave me perspective. I'm more apt to be independent than co-dependent, and honestly, my courage I once had to wear my thoughts on my sleeve have become more a political matter in protecting myself. It's made me stronger now.
On the flipside of this all, I have my nights where I am hugging a pillow, and fantasizing about "the perfect one" - the ups, the downs, the triumphs, the celebrations, the sadness, the anger. Would I go through all of that with someone if I found someone with that same challenge as me? Yes. But you have to totally impress me and win my totally complex mind over to get there.
So all I have now is my imagination, my longing... and my patience.
Growing up, I knew I was Gay, but suppressed it for some time. Though, I had my fantasies, my crushes, and my porn. I had a major crush on a neighbor (a hot daddy bear - I was 23-24 at the time) at an apartment complex I lived at for 1.5 years.
I did have my relationships too, and am currently dating someone. Though that angle of my life is becoming stale at best, and I have no idea where we will be in the next year. But I'm remaining in the present, and seeing this until the end.
I was with a guy for 3.5 years roughly, and we ended on a good note. We weren't made to live with each other, and it was ultra-hard for me to have him in my life as a best friend (which is one of my requirements in a partner - a STRONG requirement). Not to mention, finding out some rather not-so-hidden secrets at the time, which did not sit well with me.
My "true love" I had courted online for several months between Skype, talking on the phone, texts, and we decided to give a real-life scenario a shot. Once again, more hidden secrets, and then my bank account drained.
Beyond that, and in the nearly 10 years I have been out as a Gay man, it gave me perspective. I'm more apt to be independent than co-dependent, and honestly, my courage I once had to wear my thoughts on my sleeve have become more a political matter in protecting myself. It's made me stronger now.
On the flipside of this all, I have my nights where I am hugging a pillow, and fantasizing about "the perfect one" - the ups, the downs, the triumphs, the celebrations, the sadness, the anger. Would I go through all of that with someone if I found someone with that same challenge as me? Yes. But you have to totally impress me and win my totally complex mind over to get there.
So all I have now is my imagination, my longing... and my patience.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
