Arrgghh...

[InbetweenDreams]

Alright so... 3 people. Person #1 . Been friends with person number 1 for some time and without going into great detail, to put it short, been kind of a rocky road somewhat and really shouldn't have. Some things were my fault and some things weren't and that's fine, I'm human and he, yes he, lol is also human also under the gun as he was/is finishing school. So...let's just say communication became an issue. Not so much that I was being clingy, or I should say I didn't think I was coming off in such a way but became an issue with the "hey how are you?" "How's your day going?" type thing, which yeah...the elevator talk, small talk, does get kind of old...because there was an issue and I felt that 1. He was (apparently) upset that I had (unknowingly) texted him while he was in a class and 2. I'm basically getting in his way with the important things he needed to focus on and 3. I don't/didn't need to have the added emotional stress. I decided to just leave him be with the intent of re-connecting as I put it after the semester...but not sure if I should or not. I kind of feel like, if he wants to reconnect to just let him come to me and not the other way around which I am one to do but I feel like this might be one of those "let the sleeping dog lie".

Person #2 . I met on POF a while back and I'm kind of in a holding pattern. We more or less have been casually dating, nothing physical. Things have been fine between me and him and I made it clear that yes, I would like to end up in a serious relationship *at some point* and that we're just friends and I didn't want to touch on that I really am not sexually attracted to him. Not that he is ugly or anything, but I feel like I need to be sexually attracted to someone to some extent. I don't find him repulsive or anything like that. I think at any rate, regardless of what happens, certainly someone I can have fun with and hang out with. Plus there's...person #1 who I really do like but well...the sleeping dog thing. Am I trying to hold out for Enron stock here, hoping to make it big on penny stocks... Ok that's not a really good example. I am worried that I might be playing with fire...with both of them. I think if I persued anything with person #2 I'm worried I might not actually fall in love, I don't have the lovey dovey feeling for him and I hate it, there's nothing to not like about him for the most part. At the same time I am worried he's starting to get attached to me and I'm in an awkward position. Person #1 , well I think everything is less likely and no matter how much I like him, or think I like him well much like how I am in the situation with person #2 not going to change. Fucking sucks right.

Person #3 I just blocked on everything. While I was playing the scene or whatever. Talked to a younger guy and seemed kind of cute but different. We would go days without talking and every time that issue came up it was my fault. Sorry, I have a full time job and a lot of hobbies and end up in bed usually before this late. So communication was an issue and he was 4 hours away and I'm not going to invest a lot of time into someone that far off unless I like them a lot...kind of like person #1 (kind of foolish to like person #1 so much and yet here we are). Anyway, I got fed up with his immaturity. I'm in the middle of trying to edit videos and and wind up stuff so I can go to bed and he's coming at me with shit like I led him on and if he never messaged me first I would never talk to him or that I made him feel dumb because I felt that he was being clingy. Yes, I'm done with that crap. I know I'm not perfect and perhaps I'm warped a bit myself but fucking hell if I come off like that. So I blocked him and decided to make this thread.

Anyway, should I try to open communications with person #1 or leave it be. That is probably a question I need to ask myself... Person #2 while is probably the best prospect otherwise, not sure if we're really the right match but I think if I can be clear I think we can be good friends I just don't want him to get too attached and have the expectation about where things are going and when... That all being said, I'm all fine with just being friends with both person 1 and 2, or more. Just has to be right, or pretty darn close anyway.

Probably stupid for posting any of this.

[Genersis]

I say you need to figure out whose court the ball is in with person 1, so to speak.
How did your last conversation go?
In general, I'd say the one that chose to end contact, is the one that has to initiate contact once more.


As for Person 2, be honest with him, tell him you want to be friends and it may not end up as anything more than that.
If he would rather end contact, respect his decision but make clear you would be okay with him coming back if he were to change his mind.(assuming you are okay with that of course)


That's how I would approach this situation, but I have very little experience in this department.
Also, don't feel stupid, this kind of thing is literally what this site is for.

[kindy64]

You sound like you are trying to hard to convince yourself there could/maybe/might be something with #2 ...

Just shoot #1 a message, "Hey, how're your studies going?" or some such.

[InbetweenDreams]

Well I think person 2 is a good guy, stable, easy going there a lot of good things there just that I'm not physically attracted to him. I'm kind of torn by that and it bothers me because I know that when I'm 65 being sexually attracted to someone that I would presumably be with for ...30 years probably not going to matter so much.

The only thing I can conclude is that loving someone doesn't work like a Disney movie, so not sure how exactly I am to feel about someone. In one hand the lovey dovey feeling, having a crush on someone is like say renting a corvette for the week...Or I could relate it from trading in the Challenger R/T I had for Prius. The Prius isn't exciting but it is more practical. Am I even making any sense here at this point? I feel like person 2 is a more rational direction to go in but I feel guilty that I might be dragging him down some road for me to explore and find out that he wasn't what I was wanting in a partner. So I am very much not wanting to be cruel and likewise I am happy to make friends and don't want to drop a bomb and make him feel bad. Likewise, the longer I wait the more likely things will just end ubruptly.

I am leaning towards just telling him how it is and to be honest I really don't know but at any rate I don't want to make him feel like I am leading him on.

Person 1... Hmm well I think the thing about him is that honestly kind of scared to find out what state things are in between him and I. Could be ok, could be everything but. I guess the only thing to fear is fear itself, whether I do anything or not the reality, as it currently is, won;t change and neither will the outcome. However, I think I will wait at least until this weekend before I do anything. I have a really stressful couple of days and if things don't go favorably, I won't need to be upset about things.

I think I had probably made my mind up about all this and just went through the process of rationalizing why I made up my mind, I guess affirmation on my choosing to do or not do things.

[kindy64]

don't let fear decide your fate - AWOLNATION

the worst that can happen with #1 is you find out he's moved on... as my fiance would say "stop being a pussy, contact him."

RE: #2 if there's no sexual/physical attraction I'd pass. That condition is something that may occur over time, a lessening of attraction, but I think it'd be a relationship killer at the start.

[LJay]

You are not 65 yet, right?

[NativeSon]

Regarding "Person # 1."

Why would anyone be so upset by simply receiving a text message at a supposedly inopportune moment? That doesn't make any sense to me. :hrug::

[InbetweenDreams]

You are not 65 yet, right?

No not yet.

Regarding "Person # 1."

Why would anyone be so upset by simply receiving a text message at a supposedly inopportune moment? That doesn't make any sense to me. :hrug::

Well not sure how upset he was but I know I was a bit, mainly because I never made a big deal about things of the sort or the few times he's called me while at work whether I assumed it was important or something else, never said oh yeah don't ever call me at work unless it is an emergency. I took the call, could have said I wasn't able to, but I am willing to get my ass chewed for taking a personal call at work because I like him enough. That being said I get it people are different, different on how they use their phones, etiquette, stress... whatever. That being said, does raise some questions. If say, stress were the root cause, where does that go from there? I know I'm not perfect, I have had outbursts , lost my temper, jumped to conclusions about things where I was very much wrong and so on. At any rate person 1 is one who does confuse me to say the least. Lot of things I like about him and why I keep coming back, however, not sure if perseverance in this case will get me anywhere.

At any rate only way to find out is to contact him and expect the worst and hope for the best...

[InbetweenDreams]

Now, I wait... Not sure why I am so nervous about it. Knowing it could go either way, good, bad or nothing at all and knowing that regardless it is what it is.

I'm sure there is a scientific explanation for all of this but I feel that it is kind of silly of me...

[InbetweenDreams]

Well it has been a week and response from person #1 , which suggest I probably won't hear from him. Either the email was buried in the masses of email which happens to be time to time, or he simply won't respond for whatever his reasons are. But who knows.