Can't stop the hatred

[JisthenewK]

Forgive me if I'm being ignorant or rude.

Do you think those diagnoses are valid or is it possible that you were diagnosed wrongly, based on symptoms of a poorly fitting (closeted gay) unstable teenager?

You're not being ignorant or rude at all. I appreciate everyone's input. The diagnoses I think are right on, but I'm not a psychiatrist, so maybe it's time for a second opinion. It definetly seemed like the appropriate diagnosis at the time (depression/anxiety at least) and for now.

[JisthenewK]

[MENTION=24431]Alvin[/MENTION], that's very interesting. I haven't watched the video, but directly confronting the people who did that to you might be the best option under the circumstances. And the fastest way to put it all behind you.


Kids are cruel. Often for no reason at all, but just to get their kicks and because they're bored. It will change (for some) once they live their own life where they have to take responsibility for their actions, and when they realize the world does not bend to their mood.


So I guess that would be my advice for the thread starter. Any way a direct confrontation would be doable?

I can see myself doing it, but at the same time, even though I hate these people, I wouldn't know how to approach it. Like "hey you made me feel awful in school." Some of these were school personnel that let it happen and actually gas-lighted and blamed me for being bullied, so it would be very awkward to do that to someone much older than myself, but it might help letting them know, it will be very hard to express this though.

[matty7]

its basically PTSD your suffering im guessing buddy - therapy with the right people is what you may need - dont worry about the rest of the world and other people as you cant control what happens to them , just get your self the help you need first,

[Alvin]

[MENTION=24431]Alvin[/MENTION], that's very interesting. I haven't watched the video, but directly confronting the people who did that to you might be the best option under the circumstances. And the fastest way to put it all behind you.


Kids are cruel. Often for no reason at all, but just to get their kicks and because they're bored. It will change (for some) once they live their own life where they have to take responsibility for their actions, and when they realize the world does not bend to their mood.


So I guess that would be my advice for the thread starter. Any way a direct confrontation would be doable?

Yeah. Like you said, kid are cruel. They are little monsters. I think a direct phone call might be good--telling them that you were actually hurt back then. If they seem to be ignorant, well...shame on them. Is it anyway similar to what is called "exposure therapy"? I am by no means an expert in psychotherapist. It's just a thought.

[MENTION=16506]JisthenewK[/MENTION] Those school personnel suck. Again, it's really not your fault. Maybe it's helpful to let them know how badly hurt you were.

[kindy64]

I would agree with others in saying it sounds like you have a form of PTSD, with the way you are triggered into a panic reaction by the buses. Not a professional, but I've seen it in others.

Take your anger and turn it into something positive in your life. Volunteer for a local gay center, or cause.

[MHJG]

Medications themselves never tackle the root problem. Most of them act on neurones to relieve the anxious feeling, thinking, and how your body reacts to anxiety like pounding heart and perspiration. They, unfortunately, do not work on the original of and the place initiating anxiety, cortex and amygdala. It only works well with talk or behavioural therapy.

Writing diary is one of the important methods. YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. It may sound stupid, but it helps you cope with unwanted panic and negativity. I'm not sure what your therapist told you about writing the diary. I've heard that people are required to write one positive and thankful thing in each day. If you can't recall one of the good things, you make up a story. The human brain is easy to be fooled.

Have you tried to change your thinking? I mean you really make an effort to do this. Taking medications properly only but doing nothing is not gonna help you to fight away the fear. I'm sorry I'm being a little bit mean.

Also, I suggest you read a book called Rewire Your Anxious Brain: How to Use the Neuroscience of Fear to End Anxiety, Panic & Worry by Catherine M. Pittman and Elizabeth M. Karle. The book is exactly talking about your problem.

[bromance17]

I understand you. What happened in the past is thin air. It's vanished. You cant fix anything with crying. Obviously you havent forgiven them, becquse if you had you would be alright. I dont know your whole story. Did you report those kids? Did you sue them? Are they punished for their behaviour? If not first they should legally have been.

[JisthenewK]

I understand you. What happened in the past is thin air. It's vanished. You cant fix anything with crying. Obviously you havent forgiven them, becquse if you had you would be alright. I dont know your whole story. Did you report those kids? Did you sue them? Are they punished for their behaviour? If not first they should legally have been.

They were reported. Some of them did assault me in a way that I could have taken them to court, but I didn't. As angry as I was, I didn't want them to go to jail. I didn't want their lives ruined. I did contact the schoolboard. They backpeddled and didn't care. I can forgive the students, as even though they were fucking evil, they learned it from adults and I hope they learned from their mistakes (one person did apologize to me this year privately on FB). The school staff and the parents of these people are who I hate more, because they took a boy with a whole future ahead of him and ripped me to shreds. It sucks.

[bromance17]

They were reported. Some of them did assault me in a way that I could have taken them to court, but I didn't. As angry as I was, I didn't want them to go to jail. I didn't want their lives ruined. I did contact the schoolboard. They backpeddled and didn't care. I can forgive the students, as even though they were fucking evil, they learned it from adults and I hope they learned from their mistakes (one person did apologize to me this year privately on FB). The school staff and the parents of these people are who I hate more, because they took a boy with a whole future ahead of him and ripped me to shreds. It sucks.

I think the best redemption for you would be if you took them to court. If they're not punished then there's always gonna be something inside you that will bother you!!