A hookup wanting to stay friends

[britabroad]

I recently had my first ever hookup/one night stand type thing with a guy I had been talking to on Tinder and had snapchatted for just a few hours the day before.

I went over in the morning, we had sex, I left and he went to work. I didn't really know what to do/expect afterwards - if I'm honest I kinda expected to ghosted. But he snapped me all day at work, said it was great to meet me etc etc. Later that night I went over again and stayed the night. The morning after, I was due to fly back to the UK (this happened in the US) and would not be returning to his city for the foreseeable so I knew it was temporary and I probably wasn't going to see him again.

We did get on really well. We laid in bed and chatted for hours after the sex and the sex itself was amazing. So I left again, and he was still snapping me, texting me via snap etc asking how my day was going, saying how it was a shame we couldn't have hung out outside of the bedroom and that it was a shame I wasn't staying longer. He said how he really wanted to stay in touch and be friends. I thought this was just a classic thing guys say but never actually mean

Fast forward a week and he still snaps me every day (I would say around 60-70% of the time he sends the first snap. He says things like 'I wish you were here' 'I'm gonna come get you and move you out here with me' and always complements me, saying I look good/cute/hot etc.

Now I know that this guy sleeps around a lot, which obviously doesn't bother me and of course I know that realistically nothing is ever going to happen. I'm trying to be logical about this, but I did find him very attractive and he was a sweet guy, so for him to still be interested in speaking and constantly complimenting me a week later, I just find it a little weird.

I can't work out whether this is just something he does for every guy he hooks up with or if he did actually quite like me but either way it's a strange situation and not one I have been in before. Anyone had something similar and can offer advice?

[InbetweenDreams]

So I take it he lives in the US and you like in the UK?

Yeah might be a bit of a stretch to make things work as a friendship or more.

What I will say is that a lot of one night stands, hook-ups, whatever you want to call it do more often than you think become something more than that. No not all the time but sometimes things just work out and there's chemistry, other times it is just sex or sometimes it's just a date gone bad or a crush that end up being "crushing"

Only advice I can add is if you like the guy, keep talking to him. The only thing keeping you from doing something is doing it. Simply put.

I kind of wish my head was in a different place 10 years ago, but it is what it is and I'm fine with that.

[TigerLover]

It's unlikely he treats all his hookups this way that would be very time consuming.

I dunno what to say...... I guess you have an American penpal now.

[InbetweenDreams]

It's unlikely he treats all his hookups this way that would be very time consuming.

I dunno what to say...... I guess you have an American penpal now.

Very unlikely indeed. I mean that's my knee jerk thought about it.

[LJay]

If I read this correctly, you are now on two different continents now. Take it at face value and enjoy a pen pal relationship.

[Genersis]

Well, it seems pretty safe to say he likes you a lot.
You've definitely given some signals that make it seem like you're interested in more than just sex too, so I can't really say the guy is in the wrong for keeping in contact and wanting to be friends(or more than friends?).

You should probably try and have a talk with him about your relationship; whether it can continue, and if so, where you want it to go.

[britabroad]

It's unlikely he treats all his hookups this way that would be very time consuming.

I dunno what to say...... I guess you have an American penpal now.

This was my first thought too which is why I find it a little odd as it's likely we won't ever see each other again. It might be that eventually I have to say something or bring it up.

Only advice I can add is if you like the guy, keep talking to him. The only thing keeping you from doing something is doing it. Simply put.

That is true, I guess this is just a big learning curve for me. I just really didn't expect him to want to keep in contact afterwards!

[britabroad]

Well, it seems pretty safe to say he likes you a lot.
You've definitely given some signals that make it seem like you're interested in more than just sex too, so I can't really say the guy is in the wrong for keeping in contact and wanting to be friends(or more than friends?).

You should probably try and have a talk with him about your relationship; whether it can continue, and if so, where you want it to go.

I think I may do this if it continues past the next couple of weeks or so. Obviously I just assumed he wanted a one night stand, not even to be friends or anything and we never talked about our intentions with each other, just made assumptions (at least I did).

And it's interesting to me also that none of the snapchats or texts have been sexual since it happened which makes me think he does want to be true friends at the very least

[MikeW]

...And it's interesting to me also that none of the snapchats or texts have been sexual since it happened which makes me think he does want to be true friends at the very least

IDK about this guy but I like to be friends with guys I've hooked up with. Obviously it rarely happens for a lot of reasons. But it *does* happen on occasion. Either there is a mutual attraction toward friendship or there isn't. If you're both enjoying the 'company' (so to say), what harm is there keeping it going? My experience with this sort of thing is that at some point one or the other 'moves on'... or becomes interested in someone else.

TALKING about it, to me, is important. You've come to a forum full of strangers asking for their opinion. First thing I'd do is talk to HIM about it. Not sure exactly what I'd say... but perhaps something along the lines of, "I'm surprised you're wanting to be long-distance friends. That's rare in my experience. I don't mind, I'm enjoying it. Just having a hard time wrapping my head around it because most guys don't do this. What is your thoughts and feelings around it?" ... something like that.

[trywait]

just enjoy it. and if you keep on talking, the better.